Johanna Mason- I'll be free from them in the end
by JohannaMason33
Summary: Has anyone ever wondered what was going through Johanna Mason's head? Has anyone ever wondered what part she played as a rebel? This is a Hunger Games fanfic in the POV of Johanna Mason. It contains the 73rd, 74th and 75th hunger games and also Johanna's life after district 13 where Johanna falls in and out of love and becomes a true rebel.
1. Just another games

I was sitting in the hub watching my tributes as they stud quivering on their pads. 'Please whatever you kids do, do not step off that pad. I thought to myself. Clinging onto my armchair as the 60seconds ticked by, I felt me grow competitive. This was my third year as a mentor.

My first year still plagues my nightmares now, since they were both dead in 3days. 'I tried' was the only words of comfort I could have possibly given to their families. Nevertheless, it didn't make me anymore likable being a mentor. In fact except Finnick and Blight not many socialised with me.

Finally the gong hit and the dainty girl I became lumbered with began looking around. I sighed screaming at my screen for her to run. Cashmere the repulsive blonde glittery mentor from 1 was thrilling with pleasure as her male seized a spear in his hands. His secret was now known. But before I could look at my boy tribute, I saw the boy from 1's spear fly through the air and into Lacey Elberton's, from district 7, heart. In anger that I hadn't even got her through the first day, I threw my glass of water at the wall making it smash into smithereens. I couldn't cry but I could show my anger.

I had to pull it together because despite losing the girl already I had Tom left. Wanting so badly to go insane at Cashmere, a certain pair of hands began massaging my shoulders. Finnick. "Come on Mason. You've still got one left." He tried to encourage me. I nodded standing up and looking at my screen. Now you could only see your own tributes on the map which made things very difficult. I was glad to see he was running since that had been my piece of advice to them both. 'I don't care if you have a knife through your head you keep running'. I had shouted into their system last night.

For the career mentors they had quite a relaxing job. As soon as their tributes had dominated the Cornucopia, their job was done. I decided that not looking at the snobby glitter sprayed career mentors helped. Blight's only piece of advice he'd given me over a bottle of whiskey on my first year of mentoring was this. 'Don't show the other mentors you're upset when your tributes die and most of all don't pay attention to what they're doing. I did that one year and it killed both.' He had ordered me. Ever since that day I have never cried nor acted bothered in front of these people. Except Finnick.

As the hours ticked by and I watched my boy tribute come desperate for water, I began to get frustrated. It was so annoying when on this screen you could see that they were only a ¼ of a mile away. Blight had made me responsible of raking in sponsor money. I tried my best to act friendly but everyone around here knew I was far from that. After all I didn't sell myself like Finnick. That was another one of Blights drunken words of advice slurred over the bottle. 'However much you Hate Snow, if you want them kids to live you act nice.' He had shouted at me. Nice. I'd played many characters in the past but nice was still the one I struggled with.

When Blight came in to swap shifts and watch Tom he looked genuinely disappointed. "I'll try keep the other one on my watch alive." He commented bitterly. I didn't tense at his harshness because I had insulted him far worse. I knew he was probably still fighting off a hangover too. "Right." I replied knowing where I was heading now. Town square to be nice. "Oh and Blight, don't go giving him water. He's not far away and he's fit. He can last longer. We can't go wasting money." I instructed him walking out the room and leaving him to the control panel. Some would say I'm selfish leaving some drunken man in charge of that boy's life but there's only so much you can deal with staying in that room with Gloss and Cashmere cheering. Cheering our tributes death.

When I entered the lift and he door began to shut, Finnick's hand stopped it climbing in himself. "I hate Cashmere." Was the only thing I could say when he opened his arms in a gesture of comfort."Doesn't everyone? I found out a few little secrets about you Johanna." He told me his eyelids dropping seductively. I found Finnick's get up a little hard to take seriously now I had befriended him. I couldn't think who he'd have had to charm to find them out but it didn't matter. "Secrets about?" I asked him. His beautiful gold tinted skin became composed. Finnick knew everything about what had happened to me so I couldn't understand what. "A secret about you saying something you shouldn't have." He told me a little concerned for my wellbeing. I knew what he knew. I'd told the parents of last year's tribute Mary that she was better off dead because Snow would sell her if she won. He'd sell her beauty. Firstly being a victor, I shouldn't be saying a bad word about Snow and secondly the districts are forbidden to knowing about what Snow does to Finnick and could have done to me. "Can you blame me? You saw how beautiful she was Finnick. Don't tell me you don't think she'd be better off dead." I hissed at him.

Finnick knew me better than anyone, he knew that however brutal I came across I'd never wish what he has to go through on anyone. All those nights I'd spent with Finnick he'd still never told me exactly what it's like to be sold. All I knew was that it was just as painful as having your family killed "Yes but Snow already hates you. You've pushed him enough already hence why your families dead." He said trying to protect me more than being harsh. Him mentioning my family was the only thing that a tough girl like me would flinch at. "I didn't think he'd actually do it." I whispered now referring to Snow killing my family. He nodded not holding it against me. "I know. But I bet now you wouldn't undermine Snows… Capability." he whispered into my ear kissing it on the way back. Snow had killed my family around about an hour after I'd refused to be his toy. I'd refused to be prostituted about the capitol and he threatened to kill my family. An already unshakable person like me didn't believe him for a second. I wish every day that I had but then again if I had I'd be just like Finnick. I'd be being booked every night of the games drawing in sponsors.

The next few hours were pretty torturous. I battered my eyelashes, pushed at my boobs and forced a seductive smile. For a second I envied Finnick's capability of this but then I reminded myself. He's been doing this years. I managed to pull together some money though, so I guess my venture hadn't been completely useless. Finnick walked by my side as we headed for the lift. Neither of us spoke he just threw cameras and admirers kisses along the way. "You free for me to book tonight Odair?" I asked him once we entered the lift. "Hmm have a breakfast date in the morning but tonight I'm free. For a small fee." He informed me then added. "What did you have in mind Jo?" he asked me flirtatiously. "A take-away, take the piss out of capitol TV programmes and then sleeps?" I offered. I bet he'd had around about a hundred offers of wine and dine then an 'early night' already today but to my surprise he smiled. "That I'll do for free." He smiled. I knew why, one because we enjoyed one another's company, two because he could be himself for the evening and three because we'd have someone to stop our nightmares.

The reason Finnick and I are so close is because he is the only person that knows what happened to me and why exactly my family are dead. And this is why…

It was the night after I'd won my games and I had been taken to a party at snow's mansion. My prep team were congratulating me but Blight wasn't. In fact he did his best not to go insane in front of everybody that I had deceived him. I had planned to look weak only to win. When I arrived at the party, my eyes caught with Finnick's for the first time. Despite a girl perhaps only 17 being hung onto his arm, he looked at me with fear. Until now I didn't know why he was scared for me. I guess you could say Finnick knew exactly what I was heading for.

Snow called me into his office and told me to take a seat. "Miss Mason… Some things are consequential." He said to me. I was only 16 but I was just as tough and unshakable as I am now. "I make the plans, not young girls, I. But you carried out your own little plans didn't you?" He had said as he poured a thick blood red wine into his glass. "It was just my strategy." I had retorted but he barked in my face. "You made us look stupid! But that's ok because you're going to be good now because you wouldn't want to disappoint would you miss Mason?" he continued sipping from his cup which left his repulsively slim lips stained red. "You see I have many friends that would desire your attention. So you'll meet these friends won't you?" he prompted. I nodded and he let me leave prizing an envelope of the details for meeting this friend in my fingers. That's when I had for the first time in my life feared someone. I ran out of this party and propped myself up the wall of some random corridor.

Finnick had followed me out. "Let's get a cab." He had said to me taking my delicate fingers in his own and pulling me into the cool. When we arrived at the place where I had stayed before the games Finnick whispered one thing in my ear. "Trust me." Was all he had said. So I did. When we reached my room Finnick pushed me against my door kissing me. This was the first kiss I'd ever had since I wasn't the most likable person. I hadn't pushed him off though because he had told me to trust him. He took off his shirt as we entered the room and when the door was finally shut he began to apologise. "I'm sorry but the cameras were everywhere and I didn't want it to look suspicious." He apologised but I was still a little wary as to why he was in my room. "Give that here." He asked me tearing open the envelope then reading it in disgust. "Johanna. Snow's planning to sell your body, exactly like he does me." Finnick told me. I have to admit it shocked me. When I'd seen Finnick at games I'd just presumed he wanted the attention. Not that he was forced into it! He sat with me that night telling me what Snow had done to him and how he threatened to kill his family.

Me being 16 didn't believe Snow would do such a cruel thing, so the next day I went to Snow and told him I wouldn't let him do it to me. He had my Father, brother and grandma killed in the next hour. then he later had someone else even more important killed later...I was stupid; I didn't think he'd do it and exactly like Finnick had said. I underestimated his power. I hate myself now and even Finnick couldn't tell me it was alright when he heard the news. "I told you Johanna you should've listened to me you stupid girl!" he had rattled my shoulders but then he pulled me into a tight embrace kissing my hair. Finnick Odair was the first person to actually see me properly cry and he says he can't witness it again. I honestly swear to this day that I didn't think he'd do it. I thought he'd take it out on me not my family but as Finnick said, "He's knows hurting your family will hurt you more. Plus you having to come along to the games and have to act like you love the capitol is enough to satisfy him." He had said that to me on my victory tour when I saw him in 4. He was right because coming to the capitol is the most painful month of my life and even though that should be because I watch 2kids die it isn't. It's because I watch my family die as well. It's made me ruthless nevertheless and I refuse to go anywhere near Snow. Nobody knows why except Finnick, him and I and that's exactly why I never let Finnick out my sight at the games.


	2. District 7-where all tributes are doomed

When I returned to the Hub Blight's face was tensed up. "He better not be dead." I shouted, one because I'd be fuming he let him die and two because I'd feel as if I'd done a pretty crap job. "No but he got in a scrap with the one from 8 over a backpack. He's got a nice gash down his arm." Blight told me standing up and pointing to the screen where he was.

When I clicked upon him to get a view of him from a camera, I saw his face was crinkled with pain. 'For god sake' I thought to myself. "Well what's he got in the backpack because I'm not sending him anything he's already got." I demanded from Blight. "I'm not sure. I tried asking but they wouldn't say." Blight sighed. The only plus side right now was the fact that Tom had found water. After a while we guessed that he had no bandages so we went right ahead and sent him some bandages and cream. We might as well since if we left it a day or two and it became infected we'd have no chance of scraping enough money together to treat that.

I did the next 5hours alone whilst Blight rested but I made sure to tell him that I have to sleep this evening so he can't go getting drunk. He respected me enough to not forbid me of sleep. Finnick came over to see me after Sandy from his district took over. He placed a cup of coffee in my holder. "Thanks." I said taking a sip of the black liquor. "Ah don't drink it yet I haven't put sugar in it." Finnick cringed. I rolled my eyes but laid out my hand so he could have his fun. "Care for a sugar cube Mason?" he asked me in his old seductive voice. It actually made me laugh slightly. I dropped my eyelids imitating when I said, "Well I have heard it improves the taste." I whispered innocently. He dropped two in and I glugged it back. That majority of the time Finnick and I took the mick out of his 'seductive way' but I wouldn't deny we had a connection. We weren't just friends but we weren't lovers.

"You and Blight seem to be getting on?" he joked pulling up a chair and drinking his coffee too. "Waste of bloody space." I muttered. But then a beep went across the room signifying a tribute was dead. Finnick immediately rose fearing it was his own but it was Cashmere's squeaky voice that was shouting no. yes. Her tribute was dead. It was very unlikely for a career to be killed on the first day which only made me eager to find out exactly how her girl died. "How'd it happen?" Finnick demanded from her but she wouldn't share. This made me realise that whatever killed her was heading for the other tributes. The games maker then informed us a flock of human eating birds had been dropped above the careers base. For moments like these they flash up all the tributes positions. The birds were at the Cornucopia now and were heading for the forest. Tom was a good few miles away from them and I can only pray he gets away since there's no message I can send him to run. These birds have killed two and I'm praying they'll take them away and eventually they do. Thank goodness Tom is alive. Finnick's more on edge than ever, his flirty nature has been wiped away and a hopeless boy screaming at the screen for his girl tribute to move takes his place. She's about to start a fire. Worst mistake ever, especially now night has fallen.

After a few moments Finnick comes over to me. "She's not far from your tribute. Please Johanna. She's strong…" he went to carry on but Blight reappearing cut him off. "You want us from an alliance?" Blight asked him astonished. I was pretty astonished to since those from 4 were career built! "Yes. She's a good fighter and with his knowledge they could get further just please Jo." He pleaded with me. I made the decisions around here since Blight was usually half cut. "It's too late." I told him since there was no way we could speak to them. "Well then send him a hint." He continued to beg. I didn't see why he was begging for me to help his tribute. She was just another one of them. What about his boy anyway? But then I realised like all of us Finnick picked one to keep alive. He picked the girl, like I picked Tom. I looked back at Blight. "Fine but you owe me big time Odair." I muttered finding the cheapest thing to send him on the menu. Two roles of bread. I wrote down on the card attached to the parachute this 'Join with girl 4. Trust me.' Is all I could write without it being too obvious.

I had trusted Finnick when he had said that to me and I was just as oblivious so I pray to god Tom will find it in him to trust me. After all on the first night on the train I did get completely hammered with Blight and get all jeered up. But as soon as we arrived in the stinking capitol I did my best those Kids and I pray that they remember that. Finnick sent a similar message except he told his girl to find him and he wasn't far. After an hour or two we all sat back in relief as she finally found him and they began talking strategy. Now the game had begun.

After 6hours of me being in the Hub Blight returned, I knew he was drunk but I'm sure Tom could rely on himself and the girl from 4 for the night to keep him alive. I thrilled with excitement as I imagined how rested and fed he'd be in the morning. There was 9dead already and it was only the first day but there was still 14 to go.

Finnick came to my room as scheduled with a smile set upon his lips. "Thanks Mason." He grinned still thanking me for being nice for a change and saving a kids life. "Don't get used to it Odair." I shot back. He held his hands up defensively. "Why are you so bothered anyway?" I asked him. Usually we wouldn't get so involved and just let fate take its toll but tonight he went out of his way to save that girl. "I think she could win. I mean it's clear Tom isn't but..." he pointed out but I cut him off. "How is it? He's strong! He's smart! What's he missing that your blonde haired green eyed girl has?" I demanded a little hurt that he'd say something so harsh but casual. "Oh Johanna, so ruthless yet so clueless." He sighed trying to put me in the picture. "You think Snow's ever gone let someone from 7 win? If he did then you could easily not come to the games." He explained to me. I burned with fury. President Snow will never let me escape the games. I'll still be watching kids die in 50years time! Just like mags has to. My punishment was set out from the start. I'd have to watch kids die for all those years and probably go mental.

We both let this topic drop and decide to order food. We both indulge and laugh and chat as we eat. Afterwards we made our way over to the bed and I switched on the TV but then there was a knock at the door. "Miss Mason?" I heard the disgustingly high pitched retarded prep team want. I called for them to go away and that I was busy but they wouldn't so Finnick devised a plan.

"Fancy playing some tricks Mason?" he asked me seductively. He took off his shirt and trousers leaving him in just golden boxers. "What the hell are they?" I laughed but then he came up to me covering my lips and telling me to strip down. When I reached my bra and underwear he signalled for me to stop. His head cocked to the side as he took at my body. "Your boobs have got bigger. Had them done?" he asked me so casually it made me choke with laughter.

He tugged me over to the door wrapping his arm around my shoulder then opened it up. The prep team stood their startled. "Oh… We're sorry… we didn't realise you had that kind of company." One giggled as the others broke out in whispers. "Miss Mason and I are busy, so what seems to be the problem?" Finnick asked playing up the role play by kissing me at the busy part. "We were wondering if you needed your hair fixing up for your interview in the morning." The prep team asked me. I looked at her as If to say she was being ridiculous. "Considering my hairs 2inches short I'll manage. Finnick and I are busy so off you go." I told her but I knew she longed to stay since they were all drooling over him. "Will you sign my makeup bag?" one of the other stylists asked. I looked at her in disbelief. God they were obsessed with him. "You don't want me to sign it?" I asked pretending to act hurt. I could feel Finnick chuckling as his lips vibrated against my hair. "It's not that…err…" she stuttered. My lips grew across into a smile. "It's fine I have no pen. I have a knife though… we could carve our names on your skin?" I joked but freakily so they thought I was serious. Then I looked up at Finnick who was nodding going along with it by acting like he thought it was a good idea. That made them leave.

We both fell back on the floor in laughter, laughing until we couldn't breathe. Part way through the laughs Finnick kissed me. I didn't even flinch anymore when he did it was becoming that normal. "Oh and no I haven't had a boob job." I remembered I hadn't replied as we climbed into bed and I slotted under his arm. Neither of us got redressed again that wasn't really much point. "My bad." He apologised. For the next hour we laughed and teased the whiney capitol people on the shopping channels to our hearts content. "I can't believe our tributes have allied." I chuckled as he switched of the TV and pulled the quilt up. "Strange isn't it? Well I know if I was in a game with you I'd pair up with you." He commented. My eyebrows rose. Finnick and I in a team together in the games would probably be the scariest thing imaginable. "But then I'd have to kill you." He sighed his lips just an inch from mine. I laughed. "Or the other way round." I whispered tapping the breathing part of his neck. "Don't kill me tonight Jo." He told me as he switched of the lamp. I thrilled with laughter. "As easy as it would be to take you, I won't." I assured him. He wanted me to say more because he kept gesturing his hands fishing for compliments. "So it's not because I make these trips liveable for you and call you most days when we're home." He smiled. Well at least I think he did since I could see his white capitol enhanced teeth in the dark. Yes that was why but over my dead body would I admit it. "Liveable? I barely see you! Coco was she called last night?" I sighed. He sighed slightly which made me realise he disliked her and her secrets were probably not worth it.

We both fall asleep but after about 2hours into my sleep, Lacey enters my dream throwing the sword that killed her at me. Apparently I was thrashing about and I clearly was because Finnick suffered a split lip in the process. I'm not exactly the apologetic type so I climb out of bed and lob him an icepack. "Mentor or tribute dreams?" he asked me as I sipped on water and downed tablets for my splitting head. "Mentor." I told him.

"Same. Anywhere but the lip Mason. How'd you expect me to rake in sponsors like this?" he complained pulling away the icepack showing me his already fat lip. "Oh I'm sorry Finnick, is this the first time you haven't looked pretty?" I asked him sarcastically. He smirked at me. "It must be. Ooh look at the time shift then breakfast date to attend. Bye gorgeous." He smiled kissing my lips grabbing his clothes then leaving.

It was still the middle of the night when I headed down to the hub to check on Blight. "How are they getting on?" I asked him taking the headset from his head so I could listen to them talking but all was silent since she was asleep. "He's a bit sick of her brattiness but she's trusted him enough to sleep so not bad. You rested?" he asked me. I'm not surprised he found her a brat. She was from 4 so she probably didn't want for much plus any golden haired girl who was dumb enough to start a fire must be a princess. "Not really but a few coffee's in my system I'll be fine. I've got an interview with Caesar later so I'll just do tonight." I told him in other words giving him an excuse to go get drunk.

He didn't have to be told twice but after 6hours I began to regret it. I was tired and Cashmere was really starting to aggravate me. When I went over to get coffee I could hear her behind me talking to 2 about my hair. When I turned around she composed herself. "I like your hair Johanna." She commented her surgery altered face all plastic and repulsive. "You do? I did it myself. I've got a knife back in my room, I could do yours?" I smiled picking up a chunk of it twisting it in my fingers. She looked horrified. A games maker looked our way so I gave Cashmere a threatening smile dropped her straw hair and walked away. That'd give them something to chat about at least.

When I went to my Interview, I had to be in complete stand by at all times. I dressed simply since I refused any 'professional' help, but I don't call a woman who dresses kids as a tree every year very professional. I do apply a heavy amount of make to my eyes though, since I had to cover my tiredness. When I emerged onto the studio audience stage, I barely even looked at the crowd. I wasn't the type of victor that waved or smiled. Some respected me for that and some found me hard to take. But I find them with their tacky face paint and capitol accents hard to take so I don't suppose it matters.

"Ah it's the loving Johanna Mason." Caesar smiled kissing my cheek and sitting me down. I was hardly lovely but never mind. "SO… sources say that you were seen with Finnick Odair himself last night?" Caesar brought up making me want to slap him. I was here to try and get sponsors for that boy and now every woman in the capitol will hate my guts therefore Toms! "I don't particularly see how that's relevant but I'll answer anyway. We just had a take away, bottle of wine and talked about our tributes being allied and how we can help them survive the night." I answer indifferently. If Snow sees this he won't be happy but I was past caring. "Ah, it's a shame you lost your girl tribute so soon. Tell me Johanna how you are dealing with that?" he asked me probably trying to get me out of the whole I just dug but I'm so mad that I continue to answer out of term.

"She was a 14year old girl that put her life in my hands and I couldn't get her through the day. How am I meant to feel? But then I guess you wouldn't know, since none of you have been in that situation." I demanded from him.

"Care to expand?" he asked of me placing his hand on my knee in some gesture of comfort slash defence. "Well if I'm honest what I'm dreading the most is me having to talk to her parents and explain why I couldn't keep her alive for 3minutes." I laughed unamused probably experiencing a 'victor breakdown'. He moves on excepting that if I continue I'll probably be sent off. "How's tom bearing up? He seems pretty strong too." Caesar asked me. I want to repeat what Finnick said to me about him having no chance but that's not the right angle. "Caesar he's strong and he's smart and I honestly think that with sponsors he could win and as unlikable as Blight and I might be, I think the whole of the Capitol will be agree with me that he deserves to go home." I said emphasising the word capitol. That's probably the nicest thing I've said on live TV in a while but I could hardly not try for him.

When my interview was over sponsors had flocked in. I didn't have as much as other districts but I had a bit and anyway with district 4 and I now a team we'd be able to pay together. He looked a little hungry but I wasn't sending him something as ridiculous as food. This money is going to be saved until he seriously needs it. Like when he's dying.


	3. Drunken Mentors

I was still rooting for him but if I'm honest this year I was struggling to not hit the bottle. It was totally 'forbidden' to drink alcohol in the Hub but it wasn't forbidden in my room.

After what Finnick had told me about Tom having no chance of winning, I almost wanted to give up. I'd been in the Hub for 14hours and no break. Blight was meant to be coming after 10 since I had time out with Finnick last night but he hadn't turned up.

I decided to leave the Hub satisfied that Tom was strong enough to make it without me. They'd been in their for 2and a half days now and there was 11 left. There was the boy from 1 who looked like he'd been training for years, both from 2, the girl from 3, both from 4, none from 5 or 6, Tom from 7, none from 8 or nine. The boy from 10, both from 11 and the girl from 12. The girl from 12 would probably be a goner today anyway since she was crippled with hunger and had a bitten leg. I knew Haymitch wouldn't be able to scrape enough money together to fix that up and from one Chaffs told me its badly infected already.

The Career's were holding out well, they had food and weapons. I cannot pretend I don't envy them. I despise the tribute 2 mentors, especially Enobaria. She was hard to take especially when every time I looked at her I visualised her teeth caked in grunge and blood from all those hearts she bit out. I'd probably still be able to take her down but the idea of touching her skin makes me wanna puke. The only thing that makes me respect her in the slightest is her utter determination to keep her tributes alive. She hasn't left the Hub once. I'm not sure how, but she doesn't even drink on her visits here. She's capitols finest though with all her alterations which makes her hard to look at.

We all usually get hammered when all hour tributes are dead. It doesn't really help but at least if you pass out you don't have to be responsible for your actions. If I'm honest I've only got drunk once this year. It was one the way here. The idea of returning to the Capitol suddenly overpowered me so Blight and I hit the bottle big time. This is what happened..

Gathered around the table, our two tributes, Blight and I all ate tea. I suddenly became an emotional mess as the girl began to sob over her dinner so I ordered a glass of wine. "She shouldn't be drinking that. Take it back." Blight had ordered the Avox. "I know you didn't send me a birthday card but I am 19." I had retorted snatching the glass of wine and pulling it to my lips. "Look I'm not getting off that train with you half cut. You're meant to be an example of a young victor." He had snapped at me trying to take it from my hands but I snatched away. "I don't have to look like anything for them people." I spat back drinking the whole glass.

That's when Blight had grabbed my arm and I flipped. I don't like people touching me without my position and plus victors are always more sensitive to an attack. "Johanna, I don't care if you get hammered alone but you do not say a bad word about the Capitol in front of them." He had shouted in my face. Considering I was ruthless enough to kill him and had a knife on the table I was surprised he stood up to me. He was right. That's why I couldn't attack him so instead I shoved him off me and onto the floor shouting ever insult under the sun at him. He retaliated this time grabbing my hair and making me look at him. "Don't be such a brat Johanna. You've come here for a job. At least look like you wanna help them live." He had snarled in my face.

That's when Tom our boy tribute stepped in. "Sir. Don't be so hard on her. I can't imagine how bad it is." He had defended me. Usually I hated people defending me since I didn't like owing people but in that moment I had decided to pick him. Blight had released my already short hair and let me go.

A couple of hours later he joined me by the bar. "I'm sorry. I know it's hard on you but you shouldn't be bad mouthing the Capitol." He had warned me but then he added. "You can slate the Capitol to your hearts content to me mind." He grinned cracking open the whiskey bottle and they're we got drunk. I'd decided to trust Blight from that point onwards. I didn't have to like him, I just had to work with him.

As I headed out the Hub and to Blights room going in search him him to take over, I became aware of one of the games makers calling after me. I snapped my head around. "Is there a problem?" I sighed. She was probably the most altered person I'd seen in my time here. She was dyed a sickly pea green with hair and nails to match. But it was the sea green and turquoise swirled tattoos down her neck and face that made me shudder. I'm not even sure I could see a human face beneath it all. "We've had a complaint from District 1 about you being rude in the Hub." She told me. I began to ponder if this woman was armed since they never usually let people be alone with me. It was quite funny really, I didn't know what they thought I'd do but I liked to think people were scared of me anyway. "In other words Cashmere? Wow. She's a victor and she can't even take a bit of banter." I laughed completely in shock that Cashmere was the sort of girl who'd tell tales.

"A bit of Banter? From what she says you threatened to cut her hair with a knife?" The woman asked me eyebrows raised slightly as if the idea horrified her. "Hmm because I'm sure that's a threat that's prison worthy. You finished? Because I'm busy." I sighed going to walk away but she stopped me. "Miss Mason. Perhaps you shouldn't be addressing the prep teams so rudely either. I quote that you said 'I'll sign your arm with a knife'." She told me. My eyebrows creased confused as to how she'd know about that. "That one was due to a Mr Odair, If you wanna take it up with him go ahead." I rolled my eyes I knowing she'd never approach Finnick with such a ridiculous claim. "Right you may be off. But please keep the peace in the Hub." She warned me. I'm pretty aware with the way she approached me that she possibly knows what Snow did to me and that becomes apparent when I say this. "Well when her tribute murdered my girl before she even got of the podium, I think I have my right." I said flatly. Her face was hard and composed. "Well it is the Hunger Games Miss Mason." She snapped back folding her arms over her inflated chest. I smiled. "I think the phrase 'a game where victors repeatedly watch there tributes die and suffer for the rest of the lives is more precise," I retorted turning on my heels.

I could feel her shock of my comment being radiated if the walls. Stupid Capitol. I was probably in trouble now and I'm just hoping Blight and Finnick didn't hear about it because I was already on a warning from them both to stop openly displaying my hate for the Capitol. When I knocked on Blights door there was no answer so I decided to just walk in. When I did, he was gathered around a table with Haymitch from 12 and Chaff from 11 all with liquor glasses planted in their hands. Blight was blacked out with his head on the table which made me thrill with frustration.

"Ah Johanna Mason. Come on sweetheart, come have a drink." Haymitch offered holding up the bottle. I didn't know why he was here. He had a girl with an infected womb in the games and he wasn't even attempting to draw in sponsors. "Who got him this drunk? I've been in the hub 14 hours!" I shouted crossing the room. None of them responded so I grabbed a pint glass from the side and filled it with Ice cold water. Bubbling with anger, I stormed up behind Blight. "I wouldn't do that Sweetheart." Haymitch warned me but I was already to mad. I let my wrist twist spilling the water down Blight's neck. "Never wake a victor." Chaff chuckled.

Blight's eyes began to blink and his lips began to vibrate. Chaff's right even if he is joking. Somebody waking an ex tribute is in our minds an attack.

"I don't even have to open my eyes to know that that was Johanna Mason." Blight trembled. Unshakeably I placed my hands on my hips. He was a waste of space. I ended up storming out the room right between the part he apologised.

For the next two days I was in the Hub alone. I haven't slept one and I've about gotten through 3jars of coffee. From this point onwards I've decided to completely cut Blight out. He doesn't care about me. If he did then he wouldn't leave me in this torture for 2days. He knows how bad I struggle yet he still doesn't come. In the last few days I haven't even been able to leave for the toilet without something happening to the tributes. In fact Tom's survived a fire and a hurricane. The hurricane wiped a lot of people out. The girl 12 was weak so when the fire hit her she couldn't even move. Haymitch had to watch his girl tribute be burnt to death. They say there was nothing to send home to her family and I don't doubt that's true.

The boy from district 4 died too. He got wrapped up in the hurricane. Sad ending. Both from 10 were dead now. So that made 7 left. Now the real games began. I could tell Tom was tempted to break his alliance with Phoebe from 4 but I knew he shouldn't yet. If he was going to break it then he ought to at least wait until there was 5 left. Thankfully with Finnick's charm, our tributes were not hungry. I felt as If for a moment I owed 4, because despite Finnick telling me Tom wouldn't win he still helped me.

I sipped on my coffee as I watched Tom and Phoebe sat up in a tree talking quietly whilst sorting out their packs. They were talking about their mentors. "Finnick and Sandy are nice. They were certainly determined to get one of us home." Phoebe told him. That was true, Finnick went out of his way to keep them alive even if it did mean prostitution. "Mine weren't bad. I almost felt sorry for Johanna." He chuckled. I smirked slightly. 'Don't make me regret saving you in that fire.' I thought to myself.

"You felt sorry for Johanna Mason?" Phoebe asked him in disbelief. I bet Snow was watching now starting to panic. "She's not as scary as people make out. Plus I can't imagine what it's like to watch your tributes die." He shuddered. "That's the reason I don't want to make it out." The girl replied. I knew Snow would be demanding that the population didn't see this. Our jobs as mentors are meant to look fabulous not tough. It's meant to be an honour. For some reason I feel as if I'm going to be sick so I snatch off my head phones and swivel around my chair facing away from the screen. That's when I see Woof and Cecilia in the room clearing their desk to go home. Cecelia is district 8's mentor and has children so is not expected to stay and Woof is about 70odd so they barely need him to be seen at parties. "Bye Johanna." Cecelia smiled to me as she pulled her bag onto her shoulder. "Bye Cecelia." I tried to force a friendly smile. "I wish I had it as easy. Both tributes dead time to go home." Cashmere sighed. What made me more sick is the fact she didn't even mean offence by it. I stood up in anger. But it was Brutus who had her by the neck. "Don't joke about tributes deaths." He shouted at her. Her eyes bulged in offence but she sat back down. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to cause any offence." She apologised. I respected her for the fact that she apologised to Cecelia though since Cecelia had kids of her own.

Since Finnick had been very busy of the last day pulling in sponsors, I hadn't seen him. But just as I began pouring more caffeine into my mug from the Capitol's snazzy coffee machine, he jumped up on me. "Successful morning?" I asked him taking his mug from his hand and filling it with the thick black coffee. Finnick being Finnick has to pour two sachets of cream and sugar into it for him to stomach it. "Very." He smiled but I could hear the tiredness in his voice. When I turned around, I could see the purple shadows under his sea green piercing eyes. "Go rest. You look shocking." I instructed him. He chuckled huskily. "Can't say you're looking too fine either." He chuckled pulling out his pocket mirror. The woman in the reflection was unrecognisable. Bedraggled and weak, I looked no stronger than those Morphlings for 6. My hair was sprouting about all over the place and the under of my eyes were purple and puffy. Whiter than ivory and drained, my skin laid tight around my cheek bones. Then I remembered, I'd barely eaten in days. "Blight hasn't shown up." I explain to Finnick but he doesn't need an explanation. I long for a moment to be Cashmere or Gloss with their perfect set up. One sleeps in the day, whilst one is in the Hub then they switch. They are constantly rested and fed and as radiant as a photoshopped picture. Neither of them go off and get drunk. In fact neither of them are screaming or fighting with each other. But then again I'd rather be dead then work with them or 2 for that matter.


	4. All my tears have been used up

(A/N- thank you to all the people that have read the previous chapters,please review I'd really appreciate it)

Part of me wanted to go see Blight and demand he came to help me but an even bigger bigger part of me told me if I saw him I'd want to kill him. This year being a mentor was exhausting me and I felt as if I had nobody to fall back on. Finnick wasn't always around and not many other people liked me. I know I'm responsible for that but even me needed some comfort.

The days were ticking by and the numbers had dropped to 5. They'd been in there a week and a half now and I knew it wouldn't go on much longer. For a moment I let my pathetic little mind consider that Tom could actually win. There was still the boy for 1 left and also the girl from 2, then there was Tom and Phoebe and the boy from 11 was left too. He was tall built but with a lack of sponsors, I doubt if any disaster or mutts entered the arena he would live. The two Career's where in alliance so I knew one of the alliances would have to break soon. But to my surprise, neither Tom or Phoebe had mentioned it. Part of me wondered if it was because she was scared he'd try and kill her.

Today they'd been no deaths so I stayed sat on my chair staring intently at the screen awaiting action. Awaiting something to draw them together. But nothing needed to happen because then I heard Tom's words in my head piece. "I think it's time we found the Careers." He told her. She seemed a little unsure but decided to compromise. "We'll go tomorrow morning." She decided. It was tea time now so that seemed like a good idea. They had two spears and a few knives which would probably be enough until he got his hands on that axe. I've seen the way he throws it about as his grandfathers furniture shop and what's the difference from cutting wood to cutting people? Nothing when your a tribute.

I couldn't understand why they were working as a team still but if Tom thought it was best then fine. They were still beside the stream so Tom moved over to the stream trying to grab a fish with his knife. I could see Phoebe roll her eyes slightly. She bent down by his side and caught one in her fingers just like that. A triumphant smile spread across her lips at the fact she could do she thing better than him. But she was from the district of fishing after all. "You look pretty smiling." Tom observed as he visored the sun with his hand over his eyes. "Am I not pretty in general?" She asked a little offended. Exactly like Finnick. "Under all that grunge and cuts, I haven't been able to see, but you are." He assured her gentlemanly. It was in that second that I realised why this alliance hadn't ended. It was because they were friends. Friends that had kept each other alive for the past week. For a second the two of them reminded me of Finnick and I. "Thank you." She smiled gutting the fish with her knife. I realised then that the games makers wouldn't do anything to them tonight. For tonight they were safe.

Sandy one of the district 4 mentors pulled a chair out beside me. I didn't usually do business with her. "I'm going to send them a proper meal. Finnick's scraped up enough money." She informed me. I looked into her piercing green eyes. "Thank you. That means a lot." I told her honestly. To my surprise she stroked my arm in comfort as she passed. Perhaps I wasn't hated by these people. I knew they disliked me but I wouldn't say they outrightly hated me.

It was probably my highlight of this years games watching Them both enjoy that meal. Especially since it put a colour to their skin and a smile to their lips. Finnick was enjoying watching them eat just as much as me, and as sick as it sounded I couldn't help wonder who he'd slept with for that meal. "Was it worth it?" I whispered in his ear as I passed. His light chuckle crept up on me. "It was worth it to see them eat. But lets just say I'd have rather of had one of our takeaway and piss take nights." He whispered. I rolled my eyes ever so slightly. "Like you don't enjoy it." I laughed taking the coins from his hand and slotting it into the vending machine. "Trust me I don't." He disagreed. "I'm not a complete player Johanna. But I guess you could say I've got used to it." He shuddered. I tapped his cheeks with my hand and placed the kit kat from the machine into his hand. "Half each?" He offered. I took my half taking a bite and letting the crumbly biscuit fall onto my tongue. "How romantic." I joked heading back over to my chair. "So Jo Jo. When's our next night together?" He asked me stroking my shoulders as I sat back in my seat. "Blights probably dead in his room so around about next games." I told him as I began to fiddle with buttons on the Machine. "I'm sure Tom wouldn't forbid you sleep?" He pointed put but I didn't know if I could do it. "4hours? Good meal and some sleep. Come on Jo it'd do you good.." He tempted me. "Why you so fussed anyway?" I grumbled looking up at him. I was starting to wonder if those Capitol women sprayed gold on him because I swear he looks even more gold today. "I could do with the sleep too." He admitted but he was too proud to say he needed someone who wasn't a Capitol girl with him to stop the nightmares. "Fine. But if Tom is killed in them 4hours I'm not gonna be happy." I warned him but he'd already took my hand and was leading me out the door.

When we were in the lift, I asked who's room we were going to. "Yours, Mags is still having that nap in my bed." He chuckled. I was beginning to get rather good at Mags language. It was muffled but only on the odd occasion would I have to ask Finnick to translate now. When we arrived at my room, the man I hate the most at the moment was sat at my dining table. "How'd the hell did you get in my room?" I snarled. "Ah this is cosy... Didn't think you were the type to have Finnick Odair's sort for the odd night." He commented his eyes moving between us both. "Well I didn't think you were the type to leave a 19year old girl alone for a week in charge of a boys life. So get the f**k out of my room." I screamed At him. He held his hands up staggering towards me. "I'm off to the Hub." He told me. I shook my head. "You can destroy the rest of my life but don't you go ruining his!" I shouted at him not letting him out the door because I'm scared he's going to waste out sponsor money on something stupid. "You think you know everything but you don't..." He trailed off.

"I've kept Tom alive haven't I? And don't go making comments about what I do and don't do with Finnick because your lifestyle choice of being buried in a bottles hardly anything for me to aspire to." I carry on shouting but since Blight's not shouting back I give up. He's a waste of space. "Just go." I sighed shutting the door behind him. "Oh and Jo. I've wiped out your alcohol." He called from the other side of the door. I didn't retaliate.

Tonight being with Finnick, reminded me of someone else. It reminded me of my

Jack. Jack was a boy I'd been to school with and not long after I won the games and needed comfort for the loss of my family, he had my back. He didn't for a second want my money, he only ever cared for me. I began growing very dependent on him and our relationship became serious very quickly. For the first time in my life, I was practically head over heels in Love. For a while, I considered the possibility of being happy again. We'd even discussed getting married. Jack saw a different side to me that nobody else saw. I thought I was beginning to get better. But on the first year of mentoring, I allowed Jack out of my sight and went to the Capitol. When I returned, he had been killed. Killed by President Snow. Well perhaps not him himself but he had made it happen. I've never got over that since. I've never told anyone, not even Blight, about Snow killing him. I haven't even told Finnick. Tom reminded me of Jack in a strange way. The way he is tall, dark haired like me and strong. That's why I've never had any partner since. That's why I hate Snow to the point when my skin crawls.

"Johanna what are you thinking?" Finnick asked me as I laid eyes open staring at the ceiling. "Finnick. How come you've never held onto a girlfriend?" I asked him quietly. For a second I wondered if snow had killed someone close to him too. "I have. It's just.." He chuckled slightly. "I keep her hidden. It's the only way to keep her safe." He whispered. Ah. So he went along being with all these women so he could keep the one he loved safe. "So she's from home?" I asked him. He nodded. "You know her. It's Annie Creseta." He whispered in my ear. My eyes widened. Annie Creseta. The victor that was too mental and traumatised to come to the games. Of all the girls Finnick could have and he had some mad woman? But I wouldn't question it because if he loved her than that was enough for me. "And what does she think to you coming here and spending nights with all these girls?" I asked him, my eyebrows raised.

"Annie doesn't know too much. She knows the lengths I go to to keep her safe." He breathed clearly hurt by my remark. So Finnick is only the way he is to keep his real love safe. What a sick world we live in if Finnick Odair can't even be with the person he loves. "Does Snow know about you two?" I asked him quietly almost angry that I hadn't seen through Snow and protected Jack better. "Yes. But he says If I can compromise, keep her in the shadows and do my job then he'll let her be." Finnick told me, a hint of sickness to his voice. I suddenly felt emotional. I got up crossing the room and hovering over the sink waiting to be sick but nothing came. "What's a matter?" He asked me. I wasn't ready to tell anyone so I just fell Into his chest and allowed him to hug until I fell asleep.

(Dreaming about when she first met Jack and what happened to him)

Strolling down the road with my eyes to the ground, I suddenly bumped into a 6 foot tall man carrying half a dozen logs. "I'm sorry." I stammered. But then he pulled down my hood. "Johanna?" He asked me. I focused into his eyes. "Jack." I realised. I walked with him back to his fathers joinery. "So how's it feel? Being rich and all?" He asked me once he dropped down the logs. With all the pain I felt from my families death all I could say was this. "It's overrated." I told him.

Jack then asked his father if he could have the afternoon off and we both took a walk along the river."how are you coping?" He asked me in concern. If I'm honest the boy in front of me who I sat near in some of my classes seemed like a distant memory. It's as if I knew him in another life. Some People knew about my family but they didn't know how. Majority of people that knew thought my father had killed himself because he watched me turn into a monster in them games. As for my other family relatives. It was a mystery. I wasn't surprised Jack knew since his father and my father were friends. When I couldn't reply, he decided to take me home. The state of my house was terrible. With liquor bottles and plates of unfinished food piled all over my house, it would take a genius to tidy up this mess. It took us a whole day to clean just the downstairs. In that time, we talked, eventually laughed and even sung. It was the first time in the 3months of being alone in my house that I actually felt a smidgen of happiness.

After that day he came around every evening and on all his days off. We'd go for picnics and walks. Eventually the talking turned to kissing and the kissing turned to other things. It was 2 months before the next games at the point when he asked me. "We should get married." He brought up as we laid by the river on a rug. I looked up at him, his deep brown eyes captivating me. "We have a long time for that." I whispered burying my face in his chest.

As the weeks went by and the games became closer, the nightmares got worse. Even Jack couldn't contain my kicking and screaming in the night. But when the reaping day came, I kissed him goodbye and told him that I'd take him up on that offer of marriage when I'm home. That made his day. He gathered a bundle of pine needles and put them in a sock and gave it me. Jack told me he loved me all the time yet I never told him back because honestly I was scared to admit I loved anyone. But as the train doors began to shut, I called one thing to him. "Jack. I love you." And there it happened the doors closed and I never saw Jack again. Snow took away the only person who was capable enough to make me happy and that is why I hate him and myself.

When I awoke I felt saddened that that dream had turned into a nightmare. Finnick asked no further questions but he kept a close eyes on me for the rest of the day. When I arrived at the Hub, Tom and Phoebe where just making preparations to leave. I saw a glint of nervousness in his eyes as they walked silently through the woods which only made me more in edge. They weren't far from the Careers base now and I held onto the arms of my chair as I waited impatiently.

The careers were heavily armed and I knew we had a bloody fight on out hands. This would be what the whole entire Capitol were waiting for. Their plan was for Phoebe to go straight in for try attack whilst Tom got his hands on the axe that was located at the entrance of the Cornucopia. I can't say it's the wisest plan but it was too late now. They were watching the boy from 1 and the girl from 2 from the tree linings ready to attack. "No regrets." Phoebe whispered and they squeezed each other's fingers before running straight at the cornucopia.

Since the Careers weren't anticipating the attack it took them a few moments to get on their feet. Phoebe dodged the first arrow sent at her and threw her knife directly at the girls face. It just skimmed her hairline causing blood to trickle. The boy from 1 was on Tom now but thankfully Tom already had the axe pledged between his fingers. A spear went flying in Tom's direction but it just missed him skimming the side of his leg and probably slicing a bit of skin. This was Tom's moment. Tom's moment to show his strength. He began charging at the boy from district one knocking him to the floor and pulling the axe back ready to strike. "Sprite!" The girl from 2 screamed running over to him. But the axe had already been sent through his skull. It was me this time who could smile. Not cashmere. Not Gloss. Me.

Just as Tom began to run for the girl from district 2 the most horrific outcome possible happened. A wave of water hit the arena knocking them all off their feet and fly along with the wave. Tom couldn't swim. That I was certain of. So this meant one thing and one thing only. Snow knew Tom could win this and this was the only way to possibly kill him off. "Tom!" Phoebe screamed. She began swimming towards him. She could swim but not good enough to fight the current. "Phoebe just climb!" He screamed at her as she found herself near a tree. "No I'm not letting you die like this!" She screamed back still trying to splash her way over to him as he fought to keep his head above the water. "Phoebe climb!" He choked on the water. Her face was torn. "I can't leave you." She cried. But Tom was shaking his head.

"Please. I want you to win." He choked now swallowing mouthfuls. I began to panic that he really was going to die but there was nothing I could send him that would be any use. She knew it was out of her control, saving him, so she began to climb. "I'll never forget you." She cried as his head fell beneath the water and did not come up. He was gone. Dead and now she was alone. I felt an emotion that I'd never felt before. Complete numbness. I couldn't even react to anything that had just happened. But then I realised. Both my tributes were dead. One was dead out of stupidity and the other was dead because of me. Phoebe managed to make it to the top of the tree where she cried. She cried heavier than I've ever seen anyone cry before. Nobody cries over allies deaths in the arena but she was. I knew why too, it was because he wasn't an ally to her, he was a friend.


	5. As fragile as an eggshell

I'm still sat in my chair completely numb for the next three hours until another emotion falls over me. Anger. I find myself running for the exist but Finnick knowing me all too well is already one step ahead of me. He seizes my shoulders in his capable strong hands. "No Johanna." He shouts at me, his eyes sharp and warning. I was running to find Snow. Something Finnick wouldn't allow me to do because of the risk that it might hurt me. "I have to!" I shouted back trying to break from his grasp. But even though I made it a few steps further, it was Blight now clinging onto me. "Johanna. Unless your'e invited you can't just demand to see the president so just give in!" He screamed at me rattling my shoulders. I look back at Finnick praying he'll understand me. "I've just had to watch him drowned because of me." I cried pushing away from them both. When I became out in the open I caught a cab and began my short journey to the Presidents mansion. I had no idea why because I couldn't see him unless he approved it and I don't very much he will. When I arrive at the gates theirs a squeaky Capitol woman sat in a booth. "I have to see Snow." I'm panting now. "Pardon?" The lady said her eyes peeling up from her paper work. "I have to see President Snow." I shouted. That's when she recognised me. "You can't just demand to see the president, Victor or not a victor." She snapped pulling her glass window to a close. "Just call him. He'll want to see me." I shout at her window and eventually she reopened it. "I've spoken to his secretary and she says he has a free slot. She spoke to him and I've been told to allow you in immediately." She informed me. To be honest I'm shocked. I thought I'd be the last person he'd want to see. Before I know it 4 guards are marching me to the gate and through the doors then up a lift. One of the, has his hand clamped on my shoulder at all times. "You know I'm not gonna kill you." I tell him but he does move nor flinch. He's clearly not convinced. When I arrived on the right floor, I had to walk through a weapon detector. I laughed saying if I was here to see snow then I wouldn't need weapons. Except from freak his receptionist out, that did me no favours. I dawdled in the waiting room until my name was called. The same four guards led me into the room. The second I saw Snow's face I wanted to kill him. Even when I entered the room the 4 guards stayed glued by my side. "She's not going to kill me are you Johanna?" Snow smiled motioning that they could leave. "Not today anyway." I smiled so passed the stages of being polite to this man. "There you have her word now off." Snow commanded the guards. When we were alone, he wavered for me to come closer. I did but I would not sit. "I was wondering how long it would take you to come see me, Miss Mason." He chuckled pulling the thick blood red wine to his lips. I considered for a moment if it was blood. "How can you live with yourself?" I demanded from him my fingers clenching.

"I was going to ask you the same question. How can you live with the fact that you killed your family, your tributes and that friend of yours.. Jack." He asked me. Riddles it's just riddles. Just hearing him say his name felt like I'd been shot. "You killed them." I snarled back at him but all he did was chuckle.

"I think you'll find it was your decision to say no to me therefore you killed them. It's funny isn't it, how things come back at you." He pointed out.

"You've already taken everyone I love so why couldn't you just let Tom win?" I demanded from him. His golden snake eyes sharpened. "Shame wasn't it. Such a shame. It could have been so much easier on you if he'd have won." He sighed not answering my question just denying it. "But I know what's really brought you here. You were wondering what possessed me to harm your friend weren't you? Well I didn't harm him, you did that yourself." He whispered a slight bit of humour on his face as I crumbled at his words. "You make me want to be sick." I whispered getting close to his face. "If you could perhaps meet me in the middle Johanna then I wouldn't have to meddle with the games." He gave me the option. He put the option of me becoming like Finnick on the table for the second time knowing I'd crumble under and accept. If I'm honest it took all the strength inside me to decline because when I pictured Jack's face in my mind I knew he wouldn't be able to forgive me if I said yes. They were already dead so me doing this wouldn't change a thing. "I'm done playing your sick little games. So I'll come, do my mentoring and leave. But you stay away from my tributes." I snarled at him. "That might not be that possible, see I don't think you understand how I work." Snow sighed shaking his head and portraying me to be a clueless little girl. "Oh I know how you work. You're scared. Scared that this little empire of yours is unshakable." I began rocking about and portraying a story with actions as I spoke. "So the only way to act all big, is to kill 23 children every year. Ruin 23 families life so you can get the sadistic thrill of another persons sadness." I put him in the light. I guess you could day I was having one of my victors breakdowns but I was unstoppable now. "But just imagine this. A Capitol hunger games?!" I thrilled with laughter raising my hands in the air. "Capitol children? I hear you have a granddaughter? How exciting!" I clapped. He was just shaking his head at me because he knew I had lost it but yet he still listened. "Imagine your little granddaughter being chopped to pieces right in front of your eyes..chop chop chop." I sniggered making little chopping actions with my fingers. "Shut up you spiteful girl!" He ordered me but I continued. "Imagine her dying then being shipped back in a little wooden box to your doorstep." I shouted over the top of him. That caught his attention butt then the continued. "You don't help yourself do you?" He asked me. "Perhaps I'll have your next tributes disposed of a little sooner next year." He tried to threaten me. "Perfect. The quicker I'll be able to go home." I smiled indifferently as I headed for the door. "Watch your back Miss Mason." He tried to frighten me as I opened the door. I turned to look at him. "What else can you do to me? Since killing me would be an awfully gracious favour." I told him slamming the door on the president himself. He was not as powerful as it seemed in fact the surface he walks upon is more fragile than an eggshell.

Feeling sick and drained, I took a taxi back to the training centre. When I climbed out of my taxi, I was ambushed by floods of cameras and reporters. "What happened? He was favourite to win?" They threw pathetic useless questions at me. I just pulled on my sunglasses and pulled my scarf up over my lips and began storming through them. "Johanna!" They all called after me. I began to get a little angry so I turned around throwing my arms up in the air and terrifying them all. The second I entered the building, I was ambushed by Blight and Finnick both completely fuming. "So I imagine you had a wasted visit." Blight remarked but I shook my head. "I've actually had quite an interesting afternoon with Coriolanus Snow. I had one of my little 'break downs ' then told him a fabulous sorry about a games where his granddaughter was in it!" I laughed sarcastically. Blight was staring at me probably thinking I was drunk but really I was just having one of my little out-sprees. "Tell me you didn't." Finnick sighed burying his head In his hands. I smiled maniacally. "Hmm, practically scared the life out of him." I put them in the light. They knew I was telling the truth. "Get her a wine or sedate her." Blight commented after a few moments of silence. An Avox was called over and he hurried off getting my order. "So Phoebe? Alive?" I asked them for a second hating the fact that she survived and Tom didn't. "Yes. The girl from 2's a while away from her so we predict attack in the morning." They informed me. Right. Not that it was my responsibility anyway but I best act in some what prepared. When my wine arrived, I let it seep straight through my lips. I always drink white since I couldn't bare to even see red after I witnessed Snow drinking it. "I'm going for a shower. Can't bare to have him on me." I shuddered after a few minutes. Finnick stood up taking my hand. "I'll take you."

"I'm fine." I assured him but even the slightest bit of alcohol in my state made me tipsy.

"No your not." He disagreed and that's where I remember flipping out a little and accidentally smashing the ice sculpture of last years tribute.


	6. Green Glassy Eyes

I awake in a clinical smelling room with a white sheet draped over me. My lip begun to curl over in anger. Why couldn't they have just taken me to bed? I had a wire attached to me making me realise exactly where I was. The fricken hospital. I'm about to jump up in rage when I realise I'm that dizzy I can't. That's a eh. The door opened and I saw Blight sheepishly entered. Before I could begin ranting at him he cuts in. "I'm sorry... But it was the safest thing to do. You would have only done something drastic." He reminded me.

Memories flood back from yesterday. I promised Snow I'd kill him. He threatened me and I laughed in his face. I would call that quite successful except for fact he might possibly kill me off on the way home. Not that I really care. "You fucking drugged me out Blight!" I scream not looking at him because I'm so mad. " technically Finnick did. But I know and I'm sorry. I thought I'd come and tell you that 2 is tracking Phoebe though." He told me. I nodded asking him to switch on the television since whatever was in system wasn't letting me go anywhere.

I knew we had a bloody fight on out hands. But Phoebe was fuelled with enough anger and hurt to be ruthless. The girl from 2 was a little breathless but with a spear lounge across her shoulder and mud smeared across her face she looked terrifying. Phoebe's blonde curls were wet and matted together but she just threw them over her shoulder and climbed down from the tree. Her cheeks are still tear stained from tears and you can still detect the slight rise in her breathing as the sobs hit. She pulls herself onto her feet and takes deep deep breaths. I can't help think to myself what would be happening now if Tom could have swam. Would it still be the two of them now? Would they be forced to kill each other.

My escort Silver, the only person in the Capitol I like, enters the room. Her lilac but silver tinted wig is sat slightly slanted on her head which makes me wonder if she ran here. Even her powdery lavender skin is a little uneven. She hurries over clasping her lilac powdery hands around mine. "I haven't missed it have I?" She asks worriedly. Unlike the others, Silver struggles to watch the games and the only reason she is an escort is because her mother made her be. Silver has a child of her own now but in a weird way you could say I'm like a daughter to her too. She's been with me since my games up until now and she's seem me grow in some ways and cave under in others. Even when I'm back home, she still plays the character of my mother calling me every other day to check I'm eating properly.

I shake my head in answer to her question and let my eyes follow back to the screen. I can't say whoever designed this years tribute outfits did a very good job because neither of the girls have much of their outfit left. In fact there is tears all along both their trousers. Pretty sure that designer will be fired. Phoebe's trembling with anger now as she stands at the ready. I'm pretty sure she knows she's close. "What's her names got it coming to her." Blight breathes excitedly as Phoebe stands at the ready. Ready to plunge the trident through her head. "Viola." Silver informs him. I shudder. I was hoping not to have to learn her name. Us viewers, cannot see where 2 is on the screen at the moment but I can only Imagine she is just ahead. But then, there's a hurry of footsteps and the monster of Viola comes pounding out the trees knocking Phoebe flat on her back. She's struggling but a pool of spit streams out of Phoebe's mouth splattering Violas face. That gives her a few seconds and Phoebe manages to shove 2 off of her. I sigh in relief as she climbs up onto her feet at the ready but 2 is on her feet now too.

"Where's your little friend ha? Got dragged under by the waves did he?" Viola asks her as they circle around one another. There's this look in Phoebe's startling emerald green eyes that I see in my own sometimes. It's a look that says that inside she is paralysed with pain. That she cannot possibly hurt anymore than this. But she can. And dead or alive at the end of these games, Phoebe will continue to be hurt. Just like her mentor. To say this beautiful girl began as what came across as a spoilt brat now she is completely different. She, in my eyes, is someone who her parents could be proud of because despite the fact that she has killed people, she has also learned to be tough. I think she could make an excellent mentor too. Her cold blue lips are trembling but she doesn't fail to reply.

"Hmm what happened to your little friend? Stabbed in the back was he? You see Tom was pretty handy with that axe." Phoebe snarls. I can feel every word she says. It is full of one emotion: revenge. Just as Phoebe is about to plunge forward to through her trident into this girls heart, a knife is thrown right into her face. There's power behind that throw. I know this because of the fact blood pours from this tanned girls face in seconds. Phoebe's eyes are twitching in anger as Viola presses her knees against her chest fingering the knife over her neck. "Do it." Phoebe whispers. "Because you can slice open my face but you will not make me any less beautiful." Phoebe finishes just as Viola sends the knife through her throat.

To an audience, they'd think Phoebe's comment was referring to her looks but as an ex-tribute I know exactly what this girl means. She means that even if this girl makes her bloody and battered like a monster, she will still have a beautiful heart and mind. The cannon fires and the beautiful girl that was a few seconds ago now looks unrecognisable as the blood splatters her face. But her piercing emerald eyes have been let untouched. I have to look away because her green glassy eyes remind me of another's. They remind me of my younger brothers wide unreachable eyes. Phoebe's green eyes are glazed over and lifeless. They appear to be nothing more than icy, colored marbles. Stuck in their path, doomed to stare pointlessly forward for all eternity. Glassy and green, open wide in her final death throes.

I cannot imagine the pain poor Finnick is experiencing right now as they drag her lifeless body from the arena full of horrors. But I remind myself this: The beautiful girl with the glassy eyes is safe now. I feel drained too. I feel drained with everything that is to do with the Hunger Games. The anthem blares into our ears and the smug smile set upon this girls lips makes me want to drive that knife through her face myself. "The winning of the 73rd hunger games Viola Trap." The announcer announces. A slight sob escapes Silver's lips as she dots the under of her eyes. I know how badly she wanted to see Tom or Phoebe stood there now because I want it so bad too.

Why couldn't they have just let her win! She was exactly what Snow looks for in a victor and people would live her. They wouldn't just love her beauty they'd love her too. But this monster who is now being crowned our winner deserves everything that is coming her way. The door falls open and a warn disturbed boy enters. His face is raw from crying and his breathing is heavy from when he's sprinted here. I just pull him into my arms as he murmurs his tributes name. "Ssh Finn it's ok." I try to soothe him as he cried heavier than I've ever seen before into my chest. See the games didn't just destroy the lives of the victors and dead tributes family. It destroys the lives of us because if you think for a minute that we are going to get those green glassy eyes out of our minds then you are unmistakably wrong.


	7. Drunken Words Drunken Kisses

Silver is sat on my bed watching me as I pull on my favourite tight fitted sequinned number. It was a long sleeved and slightly see-through around the chest short jumpsuit that Gaia my stylist had designed me. I don't usually like what she makes but this is one I like. I can tell as I paint on my deadly red lips that Silver is worried about me. I guess, being my escort, it's her job but she didn't have worry pointlessly. I then went on to painting on my eye liner. That is something a victor struggles to do since we're all such nervous wrecks! "Johanna are you ok?" Silver whispers as I pull on my killer jewel studded heels. Tonight is the victory party at Snows mansion.

"Fine Silvs. Chill." I sigh heading out my room and walking over to the drinks bar and pouring myself a shot of something blue. Silvers dyed lilac hand clamps down on my arm shaking her head. "No. If you're going to this party then you're not going drunk." She says firmly. I roll my eyes putting down the glass. "Silver. You know I care about you but you're are not my Mom." I snap at her striding across the room almost tripping in my heels.

"Well I'm the closest thing to a mother you have and I care about you!" She retorts which is about just as harsh as a slap in the face. "Let me have that drink before us two fall out." I say and I know she doesn't want that so she passes me the blue liquor. As I stand against the bar, Silver flutters off somewhere. I haven't realised that I've drunk a quarter of the bottle and am sat on the floor when Finnick hurries in the room. I sit up, why is he here? He should be with Channel! That's the main thing Snow is strict on. You cannot let dates down. "Why are you here?" I say blinking heavily. Wow. I wish I hadn't drank all that. He rolls his eyes. "Get up Mason." He sighs in a way that makes me feel as if I've been told off. I smile flirtatiously. "What will you do if I don't?" I grin seductively clutching my hands around his tie and pulling him closer. He grabs my hands pulling me onto my feet. "Get her a coffee!" He calls to an Avox. Silver comes over and I throw her a nasty look. "Did you get him?" I ask her still gripping onto Finnick's forearm. Her hands pull back defensively and I let a growl escape my lips. "You realise how much trouble he could get in for this!" I scream at her smashing the shot glass on the floor.

I look up at Finnick. "I'll drink that in the taxi. We need to leave." I say now getting my bearings. Yes I feel tipsy but it wouldn't be the first time I turned up to the after party at Snow's drunk. I thought he'd tell me no but he doesn't. He just takes my hand grabs my coffee and leaves. Silver follows but doesn't get in the same lift with us because she knows I'm mad at her. When the lift door shuts Finnick pulls me up close to him. "Pull it together Mason. Please for me." He begs me gripping hold of my shoulders. I nod firmly. I cannot get him in anymore trouble. "I don't know what came over me but the idea of seeing Viola made me feel sick." I breath as I bury my face in his chest. He pulls his arms around my bare back and kisses my forehead. "I know but you've just gotta get through this night." He tells me softly.

"What Snow did to Tom though... What he did to Phoebe." I crack keeping my eyes down at the floor.

"It's killing me too but you cannot let Snow see you are hurt. A few more nights." He whispers into my ear brushing his lips across my neck trying to comfort me. The lift door opens and he takes my hand leading me threw the doors and to the taxi waiting. I'm surprised to see that there's no cameras but then again we're late and they'll be filming the glittered up Cashmere on the red carpet. I don't want to see Brutus or Enobaria and I think it'd kill Finnick to see them too. I don't want to see Viola, this years winner either. The way she tore that beautiful girl apart sickens me. I gulp down the coffee beginning to feel a little shaky but I don't let on.

"Let me look at you." Finnick says just as the taxi pulls us. He dabs under my eye with his spit wetted finger. "Beautiful. Me?" He asks stretching out his arms for me to examine him. I fix his tie slightly from when I tugged on it. "Dazzling." I grin kissing his cheek and climbing out the taxi. I feel overpowered by all the crap that's in my system but I do my most deadly pose to the cameras. As I enter the party various compliments are thrown my way and I smile confidently. Gaia is stood by the food table waving me over. I take a couple of deep breaths and head over. Perhaps some food will do me good. "Hi Gaia." I smile letting her kiss my cheek. She chats to me about how radiant I look and how she knew when she made it that it would be brilliant. I excuse myself after a few minutes walking over to see Blight propped up with Chaff stood by his side. "Hey darling come here." Chaff grins pulling me in and giving me a slobbery kiss. "You ok Jo?" Blight asks me. To say he's a drunk there's a lot of concern behind his voice. "Can I have a word.." I whisper taking his hand. He nods leading me through the party and into the corridor. "I'm so mad." I sigh holding onto the walls with my palms. Blight's deft hands rub my shoulders trying to soothe me. "It's ok just get out there. Pull on that deadly smile, go greet that monster of a girl and go home." He tells me firmly. To say he said it violently enough to frighten the life out of anyone else it's the best piece of advice all night. I nod and enter that party in another light. Seeder comes over fussing over me and I make my best efforts to act interested. Then I see her. The tall over confident unshaken new victor from 2. I walk over with my head held high. Lyme was stood by her side. I don't mind Lyme, she hates the Capitol just as much as all us 'non-careers' do. "Congrats." I say sharply pretending to pick at the food table. "Thank you. Sorry about your tribute.. Tom was it?" She asks. My lip curls under. I turn to face this pathetic girl who only won because Phoebe was in too much of a wreck to fight back. "If you wanna make it through your first year of mentoring next year then you do not mention that boys name? Got it?!" I snap in her face. She flinches slightly at my closeness up in her face. That's when Enorbaria comes over.

"Is there a problem?" She asks me with just the amount as harshness as I gave her little victor. "No problem just putting her in her tracks. Congrats again. Good luck for next year." I put on my best smile and walk away. Blight's hand is held in the air and I high five it with a pleasuring smile. "Bingo." I whisper as I make my way to the dance-floor.

I see Finnick and Channel having some intense argument under their breath over the side of the dance floor and I begin to feel guilty. If I hadn't have been drunk and stupid then Finnick could have got on with his date and gone home but that's out the window now. Our eyes meet as I pretend to be dancing. His eyes are full of sadness so I give him an apologetic look and try to look away but I can't. Then when Channel sees our exchange she slaps his chest and storms away shouting at him. "Go dance with her!" I hear her shout. Finnick grips at his hair roots and stalks off to find a quiet corner. I give it five minutes then go over. At least people won't speculate they'll just think we're having some secret smooch in the corner. Finnick looks dead when I get to him. I take his hands in mine and twiddle his fingers in my own. "One drama queen you got yourself their Odair." I break the silence resting myself on his shoulder. Two loners we are who can only seek love from people buying our attention.

"Ugh.. I'm so past caring Jo, I could have spilt champagne on her dress and not cared." He chuckles rubbing the side of his head. I rub his back sympathetically but really I couldn't sympathise because I don't know! I don't know what it's like to act in love with someone who's paying to have time with you. So I just stay silent. "You wanna talk about it?" I breath into his ear after a few minutes. He just shakes his head but moves closer to me. "Mason if I kiss you will you just kiss me back? Cuz I really need a kiss." He breathes and I know for a fact he's drunk but we both are and he's done a lot for me today so I lean in and attach his lips with mine. We kiss for a few minutes until his lips explore my neck. I laugh for a few seconds then push him away. "What would Miss Creseta think ey?" I remind this drunken boy of all the things he has back home. His eyebrows raise. "That some from of guilt trip Mason?" He asks me. I chuckle leaning in and kissing him again. "No I'm just saying that I don't come under the people you have to kiss category." I whisper but really we're both that drunk that this means nothing to either of us. "I miss her though and your a pretty good substitute." He explains for some reason slightly offending me but I don't let it. "Come on Odair lets get you home." I sigh taking his hands and leading him out the party. So what if we're plastered of the news papers in the morning. Finnick is my friend and I'll make sure he gets to bed if it kills me. When I get him to my bedroom he's practically trying to tear my clothes off but I don't give him the satisfaction. "Look you behave because Silver will be back in a minute and if we're both naked I'm in trouble." I tell him pulling off my heels and flopping onto the bed. "Cuddles?" He results to. I sigh pull of my dress and pull on a big top and climb in the bed next to him. "What's happened to us Finnick?" I sigh as he flicks off the light. "What's happened to the world Jo?" He replies merging into sleep. I sigh. What has happened to the world? Why have we got to a place where people as good hearted as Finnick has to spend his night talking to a woman who's buying the time they share? One reason. President Coriolanus Snow.


	8. Not what you want to hear

(AN: thank for reading this, it means a lot. I'd really love to hear your opinions though so please review!)

When I awake, I can hear Silver knocking on my door. "Come in." I call out. She's seen Finnick in my bed far too many times for it to possibly count. "Good news for you! Train tickets leaving tonight!" Silver chimes. I sigh in relief but then look up to a sleepy Finn who looks genuinely upset. He has to stay for about a week after me going on his little dates so I guess you could say I get off lightly. But going back to an empty house is just as bad. I lean in kiss his cheek and climb out of bed taking the tickets from Silvers hand. I know he's upset when he sulks off to the shower and doesn't ask for me to join him. I wish he wouldn't do this. I wish he wouldn't act like we're together or something! Or that these kisses mean something because he has Annie and him partially loving me is not what I need. I need him to be my Bestfriend and nothing more. I can't have him being like this. So when he returns I come out and say it. "If we're gonna be friends then we can't do this anymore. We can't spend these drunken nights together." I say firmly pulling on my dressing gown. Finnick begins to get dressed in his shirt and trousers.

"You breaking up with me Mason?" He asks me. I try to laugh to make it sound like he's joking but he's not. "Since when have we been together?! Look I care about you but this isn't good for me." I explain walking out my room to get some coffee but he follows. Despite the fact Silver and Blight are sat at the table, Finnick doesn't hesitate to continue. "Don't be so melodramatic Johanna, We've hardly fallen in love." He shoots back as I pour myself some coffee. Blight doesn't even flinch which makes me realise how used to this he is. "You say that but you're the one messing with my head asking me to kiss you and wanting to stay in my bed!" I shout back in exasperation. His beautiful sea green eyes swarm with hurt.

"Ok that was harsh but it's true Finnick! You want Annie at the end of this so I'm not being your substitute." I cry out running back to my bedroom and slamming the door. I'm say pressed against it so he cannot come in. "You know I didn't mean that last night. I was drunk." He tries to apologise but it's no use. Drunk or not drunk he said it.

"But it's true isn't it?" I reply probably only just loud enough for him to hear. His silence is my answer.

"Johanna you're more than that to me and you know it. But I don't love you enough so I'm just gonna go.." He replies and I can hear him standing up but something inside of my will not let me move. As stupid as it sounds, I feel as if we've just had a break up. But then I have to ask myself that if I push Finnick away then who else do I have left? I'm good at that you see. Pushing people away.

I make the decision to find him before I leave and spend the rest of my day packing. I even go into Gaia's room and cram as much of the stuff she made me into my bag. Like the thick wooly cardigan for example, I mean that would be good back in 7 where we're knee high in snow. Silver is gathering my toiletries from my bathroom while I empty my underwear drawer and shove them in my suitcase. "Johanna what's going on with you and Finnick?" She asks me carefully. I sigh. She was in the room wasn't she?!

"You heard what happened Silver. Finnick's beginning to realise that he can't just kiss me when he likes." I laugh but it sounds odd and iffy.

"What like when you kiss him whenever you feel like it." She points out. Trust Silver to side with him. Ok yes I do but not since I found out about Annie.

"I'm not gonna deny that but it's just..a routine." I sigh. I've become so used to us being like that I don't even realise half the time that I'm doing it! "Anyway what do you suggest I do? Not say goodbye?" I ask her since if she thinks she has all the answers let her decided for me. I ram the final possessions into my suitcase and sit myself on top of it fighting with the zip. "God damn zip!" I curse as I only manage to get it a quarter of the way around. I know it's not the zip that's frustrating me it's Finnick. No stuff that, it's me because I'm the one that cannot just let him walk away or find other company at these games. I'm the one who needs him. I'm the one who goes and gets drunk and has to be saved by him. But answer me this, why can't he walk away from me? If I'm such a burden to him then why can't he just stay away. I realise that the zips now tangled in my shoe lace, when I return to the real world. "Just leave it for an Avox. Go on go say your goodbyes because once lunch is over you'll be having your final interview." She reveals to me. I sigh.

There's no way I'm ready to see Finnick yet. Why do I even have to have an interview? What can I possibly say? But the look Silver's giving me tells me to not question her. I roll my eyes Johanna Mason style and pull on my shoes. "As my escort Silver, I'll leave it down to you to write me a script." I shoot at her flouncing out the room. I can hear her huffing even when the door slams. Typical teenager I am. I decide to say buy to all the other districts first. I don't bother with 1 or 2 because I hate them. But I do say bye to the other districts. My finger lingers on the button labelled 4 when I reenter the lift. Can I leave it like this? With our last words being: Johanna your not enough. I'm not sure but really I feel as it ought to be him apologising for that one. My fingertips press down on the number 7. To my surprise, Silver and Blight are stood waiting for me when I return. I usually let Blight talk at these kinda events since he's usually a little more polite. You see, I don't really have a filter in my head. I don't think. I just say things and that's why at events like this I'm usually scripted or cut out. Can't have a rebellious teen like me in TV. I sit in silence nodding my head all too unnaturally as Blight bangs on about how 'worthy' the girl from 2 was of winning and when the cameraman swivels to me I give him a nasty look. "Hey Panem." I smile into the camera in fakery. The cameraman rolls his eyes and shuts off the lens.

"Hey! I wasn't finished!" I exclaim but then I see that they are wheel some machine through with writing on. They place the script in front of my eyes and tell me to read it. I nod.

"Well hasn't this years games been eventful? We've had hurricanes, fires, giant waves and mutts! But as always, the strongest person won." I say but then cut off with a disapproving shake of my head. "You could at least right something that I'd say!" I shout settling back in my chair refusing to continue. But Blight's giving me a look that says: 'get in with it so we can go home' so I continue.

"Blight and I are still very upset that our tribute Tom is not coming home with us but clearly the odds were not in his favour. Give Blight a reassuring stroke on arm." I read out. The man behind the camera hits himself on the face. Ah I wasn't meant to say the parts in brackets. I sarcastically rub Blight's arm then turn to the camera putting my middle finger up at it. "I'm out." I say marching off the set. I can hear them all complaining about my behaviour but that they'll manage to work with what they have. Well I said the first part didn't I? Blight's looking pretty smug as we head out of the set and back to the main foyer where as Silver is the disappointed mother. What a let down child I must be. Just as the Avox is loading the taxi with our belongs I hear my name being called. Finnick. The man I had almost managed to avoid. I go to get the door but his arm stops me. "Goodbye Finnick." I say giving an inpatient shake but he doesn't let me go. "Johanna I'm sorry. Please I'll be better next year." He begs from me. I drop the door hearing him out. Do I really want to loose him? No. "Fine but you have to be Finnick because you can't be messing me around like this." I say firmly but really I know that by a years time this will be completely out the window. He nods rising his hand in scouts honour.

"Brownie Promise." He winks pulling me into a tight embrace.

"Be good Odair. See you in a year." I say feeling the tears begin to swarm my eyes but I push them away like every time.

"You too Mason. Take care don't go doing anything silly." He tells me firmly kissing my hair. I chuckle, me silly? More like reckless.

"Bye." I breathe ducking into the car but his hand is blocking it from shutting.

"I love you Mason." He smirks. I shoot him an unhappy glance.

"I'm sure." I say shutting my door.


	9. Pointless Apologies

Pointless Apologies

I boarded the train ignoring everyone in my path best I could. Blight was just a step ahead of me and as soon as my foot hit the the inside the doors closed. No tributes were coming home with us. Just me and Blight. I was almost scared to return home. I was scared to return home to nobody. I was trying to think of something to say to their families. Something that would fuel them with what they needed to go on. That things were going to change. But I had no knowledge of that even being true. After a few days the journey, where I practically ignored Blight the whole time, came to an end. Silver was helping me pack when the train pulled to a stop. She stopped me pulling me into a tight squeeze pressing her powdery pink lips to my cheek. "Be good. I'll ring you once a week." She tells me as I hop off the train.

"I will. Thank you Silver." I thank her just as she pulls Blight into a hug too.

"Try stay of the booze? Both of you!" She tuts with a smile.

"Bye Silver." We both chuckle as the train doors slam and we are faced with the crowds. I know Tom's grandfather so I spot him straight away. Beside him is a lady perhaps in her forties, and a boy perhaps 13. Then behind them all is a man of about 20 staring at me in a way that made my whole body shake. I took a deep swallow deciding to go greet Lacey's family first. I can only presume that was Tom's brother staring at mr in a way that made me realise he hated us both. Lacey's mother is just like her. Small framed but with these bursting beautiful brown eyes. So are her younger siblings and when I saw them it almost broke my heart. Her father was a small man too. I couldn't imagine he'd be very good at cutting wood. "I'm so sorry." I say to the mother and to my surprise she pulls me into a firm hug.

"She's always been a stubborn one. It's not your fault dear." She promises me. Yes. She was stubborn after all I said to her about not hesitating just running. She completely ignored me. I break from the hug and look down at her three younger siblings and smile. "Your sister was a very lovely girl and I want you to remember her for that." I tell them.

I don't want them to remember her as the girl who got a spear through the chest in the first 1minute. I want them to remember her as the girl who had no role in the games. Her father is looking at me now. "I know you tried you best for them both." He says quietly. It always tends to be the father who struggles to forgive the most. "I did. If its any consolation I was awake for 4days with no sleep for that poor boy." I tell him softly. He nods then reaches out his hand. I'm shocked but I take the offer of a handshake. "The games are an evil thing dear. District 7 are proud of you." He whispers. I nod walking away from that poor family to be greeted by another. I approach Tom's family with nervous steps. What are you meant to say to a family that's child came so close. For a few seconds I stand in silence until the older boy who had looked so angry earlier spoke.

"There's no point you apologising because there wasn't anything you could've done." He says firmly. To be honest, even though that comment was meant to unsettle me it actually makes me feel better. "I just want to say what a credit to you Tom was. He was lovely. So so kind and I want you to remember him like that." I say having to walk quickly away because for some reason I feel like I might cry. But just as I am about to get to the path of the road a hand places itself on my shoulder. "You know what you're saying is hard to follow for some people." The same boy/man says. I turn around to face him cocking my head to the side in confusion. "What I'm saying Is that I'm sure people found you 'lovely' before hand. But now most people see you as 'bad'. So how are people meant to remember Tom as 'lovely' when the last time we saw him he had just stabbed a boy to death." It's boy says firmly turning around and walking away. "But I've always been bad." I mutter continuing to walk in my tracks.

"Me too. Chuck by the way." He calls as I open the taxi door. I nod.

"See you around." I reply slamming my taxi door. I wonder what he did that was so bad? When the taxi pulls into my drive, I tell the driver to take my bags to my door because I need to go check on Egor. He's Blight's mentor and is too old to come with us to the games so we left him here. I don't bother knocking because I'm pretty sure he won't hear it. He's sat at his table singing with I enter. Yeah like I said he's old and slightly bonkers for that matter. "You're back!" He smiles gladly so excited he knocks over his coffee. I groan but go in search of a cloth for him. He apologies for being inconvenient but his apology is almost as pointless as mine to them families. As I'm rinsing out the cloth, Egor's voice pipes in again. "Where is he then?" He asks his voice full of excitement. His fingers are scratching his bald spot on his head. I've never seen a reseeding hair line as bad as his before. I don't mention it though because my hairs hardly any better. "Who Blight? He'll be at his." I tell him picking up his coffee and putting it in the sink. It's cold anyway plus I'm pretty sure it doesn't help his shakes.

"No silly. I mean out new Victor." Egor sighs. I stare at him in confusion. Did he see the end of the games? Is his memory loss honestly getting this bad?

"Tom didn't win." I tell him. His own eyes match my confusion.

"He didn't? But you didn't did you..." He asks staring at me in confusion. I shake my head taking his arm and leading him to the sofa then getting the hell out of there. Wow he's lost it. I unlock my own house door to be greeted with the most painful silence possible. No delighted squeal from my baby brother. No Mother shouting for me to take off my shoes. No father asking me about my day. No Jack jumping up on me and kissing me all over. Nothing but silence.


	10. The Bad Boy

(AN: Hi I'd really like you to review this one because I've introduced A new character and I'd love to hear your views on him also where you would like me to go with him and Johanna, thank you!)

When Finnick doesn't call after a week of being home I realise he's sulking. He's sulking because I didn't admit it back. Because even though I'm mean, I would never dream of coming between him and Annie not when she's so mad. I won't deny that I don't miss him already but that doesn't mean I've forgiven him for burdening that on me. It was after all him who said I was his 'substitute'. I'm tempted to call him though but I'm scared it'll be Annie that answers and I don't want to cause any trouble. I don't even think she's aware of Finnick and I's 'friendship' or whatever you want to call it. I push it out of my mind and trudge out of my house and into the snow. I've gone and forgotten my list but I don't turn back because if I do I'll end up picking up the phone. I'm filling a plastic bag with Egor's favourite oranges when a voice behind me startles me. "Didn't have you down as neighbourly." Chuck laughs. He's carrying some beat out wooden chair that I'm presuming he's doing up at their family furniture shop. I roll my eyes.

"How'd you know they're not for me?" I point out passing the trader the money and continuing down the market. "You look more of a... Apple kinda girl...wicked witch and all." He smiles tossing me an apple which lands in my hand with ease.

"You're calling Johanna Mason a witch? Bad move pal. Were you alive for my games?" I say patronisingly.

"I'll have you know I'm a year older than you Miss and like I said I'm bad." He chuckles mysteriously giving me a wink and heading off. I'm dying to know what makes him so 'bad' that he can shoot comments off like that. I eye him suspiciously as he continues back to his shop. The trader behind the materials stall is laughing to himself as I stare in confusion. "You know about him?" I ask the old man. He tilts up his head to look at me.

"For a good sale I'll tell you everything you need to know." He says cheekily. I roll my eyes. How desperate am I to know? I smirk placing the coins onto the stall. It's hardly gonna affect my bank balance anyway. I scan across the stall and all it's different materials. But my eyes suddenly stop on a glittery silver one. I immediately pick it up. It's Silver's birthday in a couple of weeks. "Come on then cough up." I say leaning in closer.

"I don't know. That's not really a good sale." He debates.

"Look I'm not this nice all the time. Cough up." I say firmly and the slight rise of his shoulders tells me he's given in.

"Fine. He was kicked out of school at 14 for talking all this rebellious stuff. They've been trying to keep that boy grounded ever since. But he assaulted a Peacekeeper the day after his brother was reaped and put him in hospital. Chuck got a few scars for that the one mind." He sighs. I'm guessing he either knows Chuck's grandad or this mans the neighbourhood busy body. Well that's why Chuck was bad then. Compared to what I've done, I can't help find it amusing.

"Stay away from him girl. He's bad news." The man tells me as he passes me my material, there's warning to his voice as well.

"I'm bad news too." I say sharply snatching the bag from his hands and walking home. Bad news ay? Sounds more just like a boy who has a mind of his own unlike all these other Capitol brainwashed kids around here.

I walk back slightly smug that I had found out this mysterious boys secrets. But all that smugness is torn away for me when I return to a message on my answering machine. 'Hey Mason.' Finnick's husky voice comes out of my answering machine. 'I just want to apologise for what I said. I know it was cruel and even though I was drunk I still said it. Perhaps I was using you and I hate myself for that but it's too late now. Please just give me a call sometime.' The message finished and the beeping began. Finally. An apology. But even hearing his apology didn't make me feel any better. I wasn't sure why perhaps it was because in the next breath he admitted it was true. I don't know why I care but I do. And no I'm not some crazed Odair fan that's heartbroken at the fact he doesn't 'love' me because I'm not the type who fantasises but it's still hurt me. There I admit it. I don't love him but a tiny part of me hoped he loved me because however heartless I've always been, I like the feeling of someone loving me.

The next day I go out into the cold to go see Egor since I got so carried away with my new knowledge that I didn't deliver his oranges. But yet again I'm startled by that voice! "Ah so you deliver oranges to the elderly. You working on your reputation?" He asks me sarcastically. I turn around walking back to the end of Egor's drive. "Course not. So what brings you to this side of town?" I ask him referring to the fact he's actually in victors village. Chuck's eyes drop to the ground slightly embarrassedly.

"Community Service Ma'am." He reveals to me saluting me like you would a peacekeeper. I manage to hide my smile.

"Hmm badass. You not intelligent enough to not get caught? Whole market knows about your little stunt." I tell him letting him know that I know everything about him. He looks genuinely disappointed that I know. I guess he wanted to keep me guessing on that one.

"Well your offences weren't classed as 'offences' they were classed as entertainment. Laters Mason." He leaves me again contemplating on something! Wow this man is good at that! Perhaps that man on the material stall was right since Chuck hardly looks phased by his punishment. I can't help find similarities between the two of us though. Maybe I've found someone just as rebellious as me. Nice to know we're not all saints in District 7


	11. Wrong Recipient

Scraping his piece along the chess board, Blight smiles triumphantly. I hate playing chess. No rephrase, I hate playing chess against a smug drunk. Egor's on my team and between us were about as 'useless as a milk bucket under a bull' is what my grandma used to say. Egor goes next moving out chess piece onto a square which isn't even our colour. I groan loudly standing up from the table and knocking over all the pieces. "Your a sore loser Johanna." Blight sighs as I flounce up to my room.

If I'm honest I'm in a bad mood altogether. It's been 4weeks since Finnick left that message and I still haven't called back. Every time I try my fingers fail to press the simple stream of numbers. But today, at the 4week mark, I know I have to call back. He's probably just as frustrated as me and I can't imagine how frustrating it is to be the one waiting for the call. I grab the one off the hook which rests on my nightstand and begin typing in the numbers. What do I say? How am I meant to begin? Should I act as if I never even got that message or tell him it's ok? It's too late to debate any longer because the ringing has stopped.

"Hello?" A voice says into the phone. The voice is melodious and seems to pour out of the recipients mouth like a stream. But it's not the familiar husky voice of Finnick. It is someone else.

"Sandy?" I say into the phone. I not ever sure why I said that.

"No it's Annie." The same soft flowing voice says. I swallow deeply. Had I forgotten about the shear chance that it could be Annie at the end of the receiver and not him because this sure as hell came as a shock to me. What am I meant to say now.

"It's..Johanna." I manage to get out in a rush. Why couldn't Finnick answer the god damn phone the only time after 4weeks that I call.

"Oh Johanna. Finnick's been wanting to talk to you. I'm afraid he's out. He's going to be awfully sad he missed your call." She sighs and for the first time I can head the utter madness in her voice. So she knows. She knows about what went on between him and I? She knows that he's been wanting to speak to me for weeks. I can't help feel sickened by this because its the first time be realised how strong him and Annie actually are. It's the first time I've realise that what goes on with Finnick in the Capitol isn't just some big secret to her. That they are obviously strong enough for some fling with me not to affect them! "Are you there?" He worried voice breaks my thoughts. I'm panting now I feel so sick.

"Do me a favour. Don't tell him I called." I say firmly shutting off the phone bursting out my room and sprinting down the stairs.

"Johanna?" Blight calls as I grab my coat and make a dash for the door. He's risen from his seat now and is walking to the doorway. "Johanna what's happened?" He shouts after me but its too late I'm sprinting now and there's no way he'll be able to catch up.

You see I'd always presumed their relationship was on secrets. That she only knew the half of Finnick but by the sounds of it she knows him better than me. Perhaps she even knows about these unspoken feelings he has for me. Perhaps she knows about the fact he willingly asks me to kiss him because he's missing her. Wow. She must be mad because who the hell would be alright with that?! Either mad or uncontrollably in love with him.

I'm just about to push that thought out of my mind when the snow is replaced by black ice and my feet fly up into the air. My back hits the ice with as much force as it possibly can. I'm dusting the snow off my knees cursing every insult under the book at these workmen until a hand appears in front of me. I look up to see that same pair of mysterious brown eyes. I brush off his offer standing up onto my feet. "Are you stalking me?" I ask but it sounds all weird because there's still the risk of me vomiting after that phone call. He smirks slightly.

"No but I'm sorry about the back. I was saving that ice for a peacekeeper but you found it." He says. Right so Chuck really isn't bothered about his punishment. In fact, he's already to break their necks. I begin to walk away still not thinking straight but he grabs my arm.

"Are you ok because you were running with some force." He says actually looking at me in concern.

I don't play with that too nicely since unless it's Blight or Egor there isn't many men that actually care and as proven today they're usually just trying to get into my pants. "It's nothing." I sigh trying to walk away but he doesn't let me.

"Look my shifts over come on let me take you for a coffee." He asks of me fluttering his curtain of thick brown eyelashes. I eye him suspiciously. His brother died because of me just over a month ago and now he's inviting me for coffee.

"Come on. I hurt your back so I owe you." He says.

I shake my head in firm disagreement. "I think I owe you a million times more." I mutter. I suddenly see Tom being dragged under by the current in every place possible in my mind. Great. This trip out my house didn't do much for clearing the head.

Chuck doesn't let that stop him. "Then you can pay." He says with this infectious grin that I can help replicate. I give in walking along side him to the only coffee shop in town. Once we've ordered we both take a seat. I'm sat down and fiddling with the sugar sachet in seconds whereas Chuck stands there admiring the chairs. "My grandfather made these." He says with a smile.

To be fair I can't really see much excellence in them but they're comfortable enough.

"So Johanna, who rattled your cage enough to make you go sprinting down the street?" He asks me. I look down at the table.

"It's kinda personal." I say trailing my fingers along the wooden graining. To my surprise, unlike a persistent Finnick who constantly thinks he has to know what's going in my head, Chuck doesn't push me. "Lets talk about something else then. A peacekeeper fell in the hole I built today and hit himself in the face with his gun." He tells me causally and from that point I decided to go ahead and like him because he's not trying to pick my brain and want to know whats going on in my head. He's happy with just hearing my words.

The months go by and I hear no more from Finnick. Perhaps Annie didn't tell him like I asked. Maybe she's so mental she forgot? I don't care. He hasn't called so that's good enough confirmation for me. At the same time though, Chuck and I have also become quite good friends. Real pair of troublesome twins. I'm not too sure what Blight reckons to him but as I assured him 'I'm just having a little fun'. He's helping me work on my garden at the minute. Well I say garden, now the snow's cleared, it's basically just a square of grass. We're on with planting, to my dismay, a row of flowers. He says it'll improve my status which I couldn't help find a little funny. 'You'd have to buy the whole neighbourhood a whole row of flowers to bloody improve my status' I'd retorted. He walked me to the store though and now we've got a whole range of things. He arrives at my door nice and prompt and I go over to it gardening clothes on at the ready. We get digging straight away but I occasionally feel mud entering my hair. I fly my shovel filled with mud in his direction completely plastering his head.

"Whoops." I say but he's already lifted me up dangling my head over the pile of mud. I thrash about and in the end get myself out of his iron grasp. "You can forget that ice bun for lunch if you carry in like this." I scold jokingly as I plant the seeds. His face grows in mock horror and I hide my smirk.

"You don't think it's going to make the house look too inviting do you?" I say worriedly when we come to an end.

"Only Johanna Mason could possibly want her house to look uninviting." He chuckles as he pulls of his muddy boots with his muddy hands and enters the house.

"I don't want a load of crazed fans thinking they can come round." I say utterly seriously as I walk over to the sink to wash my hands. That makes him howl with laughter.

"Crazed fans? Even the woman in the garden centre was scared of you and you'd never even met her!" He points out. I shrug happy I still have that affect on people just as the phone begins to ring. "Just get that Chuck It'll be Blight. Tell him to get his own liquor." I ask him as I continue to scrape the mud off my fingers. Blight's been a right drunken mess these past few weeks. "Hello." Chuck says into the phone. "Err I'll just get her." He says walking over with the phone in his hand.

"Tell him to get his own." I sigh but Chuck is shaking his head. What could Blight even want?

"Hello?" I say tiredly into the phone.

"Johanna. Who was that?" The voice asks. I'm immediately taken back. This voice is not Blight's drunken plea for more alcohol its a rationally jealous one.

"Finnick? It's a friend." I say still in complete shock for even hearing his voice. How long had it been 4months? Maybe 6 since the games? I don't even know.

"Who? It sounded like a man." He says skeptically. I suddenly feel anger. He cannot cut me out of his life for this long then act jealous because I've found company and am not sat by the phone waiting for him to call.

"It was and it's none of your business who it was Finnick because it stopped being your business the day you told me I wasn't enough so goodbye." I say into the phone slamming it down on the counter. Who does he even think he is? Doing this to me. Calling up and acting all jealous like he cares then telling me I'm not enough a moment later. Well that's it. Finnick can think what he likes because now he feels exactly what I felt when Annie was at the end of the receiver. Completely sick. Completely betrayed.


	12. Belonging with Victors

(A/N: Hi thank you there reading, I'm glad you liked the last chapter. I hope you like this chapter, please review!)

I think Chuck was quite shocked at what he heard to be fair because nobody except Blight and Silver even know there's such a thing as 'Finnick and I'. He's been ok with me ever since though. My phone hasn't stopped ringing for months though and when I was taking a stroll through town I was reminded of the fact that the games is only 3months away. How quick these months have gone before another year has come around the corner.

In this time, I could quite easily call Chuck a friend. Perhaps even a Bestfriend. He visits me daily and sometimes he stays for tea or even to watch all the crazy Capitol programmes with me. He's pretty faultless too. He doesn't ask me things that I find too painful to answer. He just goes with the flow. His only fault is the fact he can't help bad mouth the Capitol freely. I keep reminding him that I'm pretty sure my house is bugged but he doesn't seem to care.

I almost told him one day about what happened to my family and that he shouldn't undermine Snow but I couldn't. I couldn't because I'd have to go into all the things I was ashamed of. About the prostitution. About everything. So I make the best efforts to just ignore him or divert the subject. It turns out that the majority of his views match my own.

I'm unsure what to do about Finnick. I need advice but I can't ask Chuck about it, Blight's always drunk, Egor would probably think I was married to him and Silver...Silver is just too Finnick loving. I'm flooded on a weekly basis with messages from him. Saying that he misses me or that we'll sort it out when we see each other next and so on. But honestly I don't see how. I just have this tiny fear though that I'm going to see him and be unable to stay mad at him because I know that's likely to happen.

I've not been sleeping good recently though in fact I've barely been sleeping at all. "Johanna it would be good if you didn't fall asleep part way through conversation." Chuck sighs breaking me from my apparently long thought process. I blink heavily giving him an apologetic look.

"I've not been sleeping too good. Games in a few months and all." I sigh getting up to flick on the kettle for a coffee. Without even allowing it Finnick's seductive voice pops up in my head as I reach for the jar of sugar 'fancy a sugar cube. It improves the taste' his purr of a voice enters my already thought filled head. I shut the jar. No. No I don't fancy a sugar cube.

"Is it because of what happened a few months ago? I know I said we wouldn't talk about it but I'm worried." He says defensively. I shrug my shoulders in answer.

"Partially." I admit pouring the hot water into two mugs then giving them a good stir.

"You going to tell me why I got to speak to the famous player Finnick Odair yet? Or why it sounded like a break up from where I was standing?" He asks.

Just out of instinct I find myself jumping in to defend Finnick. Force off habit, I guess. Either that or the fact I don't like hearing rumours that aren't true.

"He's not like that and we weren't breaking up! We're not even together. We've just had an argument that's all." I sigh.

"Well perhaps you ought to fix it so you don't fall asleep when I'm talking!" He sighs. Perhaps I should. It was after all me who slammed the phone down on him and it as after all me who won't pick up the phone anymore.

"You know for the not sleeping thing. Why don't you come to work with me. Good fresh air... Something to keep your mind occupied." He tries to tempt me with. I scrunch my nose unsure. His family can't exactly be huge fans of me.

"Come on. A little bit of furniture painting out the back it'll do you good." He twists my arm with. I end up going to work with him because if I'm honest I cannot deal with the silence of my house for a second longer. He's never asked about why I have no family. I guess he's worried about treading on a sensitive nerve.

He leads me into the workshop by the hand. His mother is in there sorting out the books. Her eyebrows rise when she sees me. I know she finds Chuck and I's friendship hard to digest because when he tells her that we're gonna paint the rocking chair out the back she merely grunts.

It's actually to my surprise rather therapeutic in the end. Except for the parts where Chuck pipes in with suggestions for improvements. "You don't like being criticised do you?" He observes as I ignore his suggestions. I smirk slightly because its true. I swivel around brush in hand and blot his nose with the end of my brush.

"Huh. I think you'll find yourself demoted for that Miss." He says with a smirk on his face.

"Demoted to what? Brush washing?" I laugh.

"No. Hair washing." He smirks pulling his brush through my hair. I glare at him splatting him in the face with my own brush. We're both laughing hysterically and covered in paint when there's a loud cough. "Why don't you go back to where you came from Johanna. Chuck doesn't need friends like you so go! Go back your victor friends that's who you are!" His mother shouts wafting the cloth in the air. Chuck looks fuming with her but I pass him the brush and stand up.

"Ma'am I'd just like to remind you that I was one of you not that long ago myself." I say dodging past her and running through the workshop.

Chuck catches my arm just as I reach the door. "I'm sorry about her. Look I'll come see you in the morning." He tells me giving me an apologetic squeeze then allowing me out the door. To be honest I can't help wonder as I walk home if his mother is true? If I belong better with the likes of Finnick and a drunken Chaff better than I do a boy from my own District. It does however naturally sway me into the arms of a Victor though because only they know what it's like to be classed as different so when I return home I finally decide to call him.

It only calls 3 times before he answers. "So you finally gave in? What was it? Did you see a bowl of sugar cubes on the market?" Finnick chuckles. I can't help smile too because its good to hear his voice. It's good to hear him talking normally.

"Actually no. So, thought I best ring since if I leave it any longer I'll have to bail you out with your phone bill." I laugh feeling for the first time at ease with him since before the party at Snow's mansion.

"Well I'm glad you have. So tell me what've you been up to?" He asks me.

"Are we just gonna pretend all that didn't happen?" I ask dodging his question and getting back to the reasoning why we haven't spoke.

"Jo, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been like that on the phone. Please, please can we just get back to how we were?" He pleads with me.

This is when I have to ask myself a question. When I get to the games in 3months time am I going to manage without him? Am I going to manage when my tributes die and I'm all alone. Am I going to manage when I have to go to Snow's mansion. No. And even if I could, I cannot have the best of both worlds. I can't have him one day and not the next because that isn't fair on him.

I ponder for a moment before I reply. I know it's not as if I'm signing a contract but it sure as hell feels like it. I can't help thing of what Chuck said about Finnick. I know he meant no harm by it but for whatever reason it hurt me. It hurt me because I care about him and I know it's not true.

"Ok but Finnick, no more telling me you love me ok?" I say sternly into the phone just as the door slams and Blight stumbles into the room.

"I promise. Take care Mason, see you soon. I lo.. I mean bye." He says almost getting caught out already.

"Don't go drowning Finn, bye." I chuckle shutting off the phone and looking up at Blight.

"So you got your victor boyfriend back?" He says drunkly hanging onto the back of the sofa. I roll my eyes. For some reason this doesn't play too well for me.

"He is not my boyfriend. So get out of my house and find your own liquor." I say in exasperation giving him a shove but he's so drunk he isn't going anywhere.

"Friend with benefit then." He chuckles crawling over to my front door.

My fists clench together. "No. A friend. I don't expect you know what they are because you're a drunken idiot who doesn't have any!" I shout slamming the door behind him.

And Chuck's Mom said I belonged with Victors! I probably do. Not many girls my age get wasted every night and wake up in cold sweats. But then none of them were forced into the games like me. Forced to leave my life here. Forced to give up your family or prostitute. Forced to mature.


	13. Oh great you can throw an axe a little!

**(Hi thank you for your reviews, sorry it's a bit late Ive had loads of exams. Home you like it! please review!)**

I couldn't believe the day was here. I couldn't believe it had been a whole year since the last one. With Chuck now my friend, this has been the quickest year to date. It literally seems seconds since Silver was fussing over Blight and I as we stepped off the train. Blight gives me a sensitive squeeze of the hands as we emerge from the justice building. I can't bring myself to look at the rows of children before us.

I cannot bring myself to witness their fear. I remember it all to well myself. Stood quivering as you wait for what seems eternity for the name to be drawn. But I know a little more than these children. I know what it's like to actually be written on the paper. How slight the chance is yet how unlucky them 2 children are.

It still phases me how it is possibly when a 12year old is reaped when their name has only be dropped in a measly one time. Bad luck.

When I do dare to look up, I see all their worried little faces and have to look back down again. I can't help be worried for Chuck's younger brother Luke but I don't think fate could be that twisted. I don't think I could be possibly taking the younger replica of Tom back to the Capitol with me.

My thoughts for these children are interrupted when the doors open and Silver enters. I give her a wave and a smile. She looks no different except for her attire. Baby pink, yet startling, her fitted blazer is embroidered with paler swirls all the way down, where as her skirt just puffs out in a more authentic Capitol way. I can't help wonder if one of the other Escorts did her make up because it looks more capitalised than what Silver would normally wear. In fact her lips are covered in bubble gum pink just the same as her cheeks. This gives some illusional effect of making her cheekbones look high and apparent. Her eyelashes are coated in pink mascara and even her eyes are pink. Apparently it's something called contacts but I'm pretty sure you can only get them kinda things in the Capitol.

"Hello, District 7, welcome to the reaping of the 74th Hunger Games!" Silver says her Capitol accent stronger than ever. She always puts it on at events like this.

My eyes trail to where the public stand and my eyes suddenly cross over to Chuck's. His lips move; 'Chin up. You're tough.' He mouths to me giving me a wink. I nod tilting up my head. I am tough. I've done this for 4years now.

'Don't do anything stupid when I'm gone.' I mouth back when the attention is turned to that rambling old tape about why we deserve everything we're gonna get. Perhaps we do but our children don't. 'Corse not.' He mouths back with a cocky grin. I give him a harsh glance.

'You better not.' I mouth back as firmly as silent words can be.

The tape comes to a close and Silver's delicate petite fingers begin swimming through the large fish bowl. I clench my chair keeping my eyes to the floor.

"Erin Colton." Silver reads out.

My eyes automatically spring up. Then I saw her. She looks perhaps the age of 15. Wavy and dirty blonde, her hair lays limp on her head. She's averagely pretty, nothing Snow would see use in I don't imagine. Her dress is of a deep burgundy and comes loose at the waist. It's plain but considering District 7 doesn't have a lot of money, it's nice.

I'm struggling to identify her emotions as she walks to the stage. Everyone around her is staring in astonishment yet she herself doesn't seemed surprised. One good thing is; she doesn't seem frightened. "Come on up." Silver says friendly.

"Any volunteers?" Silver asks as she pulls Erin onto the stage. Utter silence. It isn't often we have volunteers here in 7 so I don't expect anyone to volunteer for this 15 year old.

"Lets find out who will be joining her then." Silver smiles trying to cheer things up but there's really no use.

"Barker Stone." She reads in a clear almost rehearsed tone.

This one is the sort that don't last very long. He walks up without an ounce of confidence with his head looking down at the ground. He's pretty tall, not very strongly built but looks as if he could at least throw an axe.

Great turn out this year then. Wouldn't be surprised if Blight and I's jobs are over pretty quick.

Even though he doesn't look strong, I immediately take a better liking to the boy because Erin just looks far to ahead of herself and that doesn't play nicely with the Capitol people.

"Lets give it up for our tributes of the 74th Hunger Games. May the odds be ever in their favour!" Silver says but she's far to used to this to be expecting much of an applause.

I get a quick moment to speak to Blight as we reenter the Justice Building. Our tributes are just a few steps ahead but once they turn off to say their final goodbyes, I turn to Blight. "What'd you think?" I ask him pulling my fingers through the fur of my collar.

He shrugs slightly before he replies. "Boy has about as much chance as finding a needle in a haystack and perhaps the girl could get a but further if that egos brought down." Blight shares his opinion. I nod glad it wasn't just me who thought that.

"I'm disappointed really. First time we get a 17year old boy in years." I sigh. Tom was 15 and he was a lot stronger than this Barker is.

"Oh well. Hey Silvs what'd you think?" He asks as silver comes over to us. She pulls me into a soft hug but her beads stabbing into my neck ruins the moment.

"What do I know?!" She laughs walking off to finish the arrangements. What does she know? She wouldn't be escorting them off to the Capitol if she really knows what the games does to these children. To their families.

Once we're on the train our girl stalks to her room and so does eventfully the boy. I eye Blight who has his own eyes set in a bottle of something strong. When he offers I decline.

I don't feel like anything tonight.

Not when I know Chuck could be doing something really stupid in my absence. Not when I know Snow could have his hands on him in seconds.

I push that thought from my head and order a hot chocolate. That's the best thing on the menu here. Beats out homemade stuff. I call Erin and Barker down for lunch but they mainly just sit in silence. I don't suspect them to be friends but I'm sure they would have come across each other before.

The six inch gap between their arms at dinner time tells me their in no mood for an alliance. That's fine.

"So what you good at?" Blight asks them as I tug off a bit of bread and dip it in the sauce. I'm getting used to the Capitol food now. I'm not sick so much anymore. The girl ponders with that a minute until she looks up. I'm glad to see her eyes are not blood shot. She still looks as arrogant as she did not long back. "I know of a lot of edible plants and I can use an axe..." She says. Right so she isn't from town. She's from the rougher less wealthy side of District 7 like I was. Edible plants might be of a little help to her. "Well lets hope you make it through the day to put that into,practise." I say firmly.

I look over to Barker who's massaging the sides of his face in distress. What is wrong with him? I thought he'd at least master a bit more confidence! He'll be the oldest one in it!

"I can't really do much. Can throw an axe a little." He says carelessly.

"Being able to use an axe a 'little' isn't going to kill anyone." I mutter tiredly. It's as if he's already given up. I don't suppose that's a bad thing though. After all he is driving on the number 7 train. The number 7 train where it's passengers are heading for death. All because of me.


	14. Burning flames of fire

(**please please review because I'd love to hear your thought. And opinions of where you'd like me to go with this! Thank you for reading !)**

When our tributes are sent away to be capitalised, I decide to make myself look presentable. Blacks practically my signature colour. Black and deadly. I go with a tight fitted leather number which goes all the way to the floor. I'm beginning to get good at make up so I do it myself. I get the aim my stylists go for. They get my face really pale to draw attention to my smokey black eyes. Blight dresses in a black suit with a deep red tie matching the shade of my lipstick. He muffles with laughter when he notices.

I won't lie I hate the Victors Parade. I hate it because we always look so god damn stupid! I have a feeling 12's gonna pull something good out the bag this year though. They've got a new stylist. Gaia showed me some of his work and he is unbelievably good.

We're escorted over to where the Victors/Mentors and stylists stand and I try my best to avoid eye contact with anyone. It's always the hot spot of the camera's before the parade starts. Comments like 'ooh look at Glimmer's dress' and 'Chaff and Haymitch are already drunk' fly about the place. It's funny because people think they know us. They act as if they love us. Even though not so many years ago they were awaiting in our deaths. Betting against us.

When my head does snap up, my eyes catch with a pair of warm soft brown eyes flicked with gold. I haven't seen him before. He's already in front of me smiling sweetly before I can think any further. "Hello Johanna. I'm Cinna." He greets me taking my hand and kissing it. Compared to the usually vulgar kisses planted on my hand between sponsor gifts, his lips feel sweet on my skin. "The new stylist right? I hope you've dressed them in something pleasant this evening. Hate to see 2 giant coals again." I smile devilishly. He suppresses a small smile.

"It's true what they say about you then." He remarks in an almost metallic voice. I thrill with laughter as I clasp my fingers around the metal barricade.

"Charming I know." I smile waving my delicate fingers and moving away.

I can hear the whistle escape his lips as I thrill with laughter and make my way over to where the others stand. Charmer.

I'm tempting my lips with a glass of champagne, when I'm looked upon again. I eye him up and down a few times before either of us speak. He looks no different. No more phased than the last time I saw him.

"Hey." I say but it comes out all weird.

"Since you ignored me coming in, do I at least get a hug?" Finnick asks accusingly his eyes falling over to wear Cinna and the others stylist stand.

"One I didn't see you and to two not like I'm taken jeez." I say about to turn around. I haven't seen him for a year and in our last phone call he had promised to not be protective or possessive over me or act like I was his.

"Sorry. Jo don't go." He sighs taking my arm and pulling me into a hug. It takes numerous attempts to pull away. I'm aware of the camera's on me but I'm pretty sure they'll be too occupied with Gloss and Snow's assistant looking friendly near the bar.

"I watched the reaping. You look as if you've got a pretty average batch." I say quietly as we part. He gives an indifferent shrug. Like me, he's past working up too much hope.

"How've you been? Not got married since I saw you last?" I ask him as he stares at me judging my every move. He gives me a look that makes me realise my comment was repugnant.

"Forget it. So we've both piss each other off in the space of ten minutes. Cheers." He sighs clinking his glass on mine. We seem pretty good at that. We silence when the chariots come down the isle.

District 1 specialises in jewellery so they're practically draped in fine beads from head to toe. Pretty but not rememberable. In fact by the time we've got to 4 I've forgotten them.

The girl from 4 is dressed like a mermaid with her long thick brown hair weaved in a net. Again she looks pretty but has little impact on me. The boy is quite young though, so he has very little chance. The next two tributes skip quickly and now I'm faced with my district. I swear Gaia just reuses out outfits. They look pathetic and to be honest I barely even cast more than one glance at them.

Erin looks reasonably confident but misery by her side looks as if he wants to puke.

I'm still sighing in frustration when a see a glowing light in the corner of my eye. I look up to see fire. Not just any fire, flames! Burning flames! I almost let out a shriek. They're on fire! Finnick's chuckling to my side at my reaction. "It's not real." He assures me.

I relax slightly now taking a good look at the wonders of District 12. I get a good look at her face and for the first time in four years I see something in them eyes. Not fear. Not giddiness. Hate. Pure hate. She knows she's beautiful yet unlike other girls she hates it. I'm just hoping she hated it because its Capitol made. Interesting character though. A character that's hard to read. The Capitol ravish stuff like that as does Snow.

Perhaps things are hotting up after all this year. I turn my head to give a drunken Haymitch a thumbs up. He just gives me a crinkle of his nose. 'Stubborn.' He mouths over the blares of music. Ah perhaps not a good one. Those who can't take instructions are doomed to death.

My eyes catch again with Cinna and I give him a nod of approval. A lot of thought and passion went into that outfit and he ought to be rewarded for it.

I can't help think there's something iffy about this year but I haven't yet put my finger on it. Earlier I saw one of the morphlings from 6 talking with one of the games makers. That does not happen. I don't know why but I feel as of I'm walking in very fragile, dangerous grounds.


	15. Obnoxious People

I'm awoken by the squeaky voice of Silver saying this to our tributes: 'eat up you've got a big day today!' Right. So they have. It's training and I've barely said to words to them since the train. Oh no wait I have. Last night, when I complimented them on how utterly stupid they looked.

I take a shower hammering down on all the buttons trying to find a setting that washing me. I feel nothing but sore when Im done so I quickly dress and head out my room.

"Ah Johanna's here now so she can go through a few things with you." Silver smiles to them then giving me a look as to say 'get helping them now'. I sit down pouring myself a well needed cup of coffee. "Play yourself down. Don't go letting out your final defence. They'll be expecting that." I tell them beginning to butter some bread.

"And we should listen to that advice why?" The girl asks. Did I mention that she's starting to really aggravate me?

"Because I used that tactic and I'm stood here now sweetie." I say patronisingly. I can tell it shut her up.

"Just." I hear her mutter though.

I thrill with laughter. "You might've been too young to remember my games honey but I killed one with my bare hands!" I snarl over the table. She is immediately silenced. I bet that threat last night still lingers in the back of her head.

I'm just stuffing a piece of bread in my mouth when the door falls open and Blight stumbles through. Erin and Barker's eyes widen in bewilderment.

"Get him a coffee. Bloody hell Blight what've you been drinking!" I sigh.

They look pretty shocked that this is our yearly routine.

"Should he really be drunk? He's meant to be our mentor?" Erin asks. I shoot her an angry glare.

"Should you really be commenting?" I say in her squeaky voice. I waft my hand over to Silver.

"Get her to training before I show her some tricks myself." I tell her.

"We'll be an hour early though." Silver begins to say. I throw my hands in the air in exasperation.

"Do I really care? At least they'll look eager." I sigh and with that she leaves. God damn tribute! She's a complete brat and I thought she was from the poorer end of 7!

"It's making me wanna choose the boy even more." A who I thought was unconscious Blight says. I smile slightly. Me too.

I end up leaving Blight in the room and head downstairs myself. All the mentors are gathered around the buffet smiling, chatting and joking. I get a plate just to disguise the fact I'm not fussed about talking to anyone.

A pair of wrinkly yet shaky hands clasp around my arm as I scoop some plumb beef stew onto my plate. Mags.

I'm just about to turn around to greet her when her sharp yet muffled voice begins. "You really upset Finnick this year girlie." For some reason Mags disapproval of me hurts more than most.

I'm just about to stutter some excuse when Finnick himself steps in. "Don't interfere like that Mags. Johanna did nothing wrong. Go sit down." He tells me firmly steadying her on her way.

I don't flush him with thanks, instead I just go back to what I was doing. "I'm sorry about her." He apologises to me and when I don't respond he gives me a slight shake.

"Johanna I'm talking to you." He says irritably as I continue to ignore him.

"Were you? Or are you gonna just get Mags to do that now? Look if you're mad at me than just have it out with me yourself." I say letting out a hell of anger relief.

What was wrong with me? Why was I so vile to people?! I didn't mean to be I just am. I turn back to face him. He's stood there with a piece of my favourite velvet cake on a plate. I suppress a tiny smirk.

"That for me?" I ask him still firmly.

"Well it was for you before you bit my head off! But now I might have it myself..." He ponders off chipping off a bit of the cake and pulling it to his lips.

I slap his wrist finding myself laughing.

"I'll take the darn cake Odair!" I say taking the cake from his hands.

He smiles slightly glad I've partially forgiven him.

"Dinner at mine tonight?" He asks me as I slot down at a table.

"Can't afford your prices." I joke taking a bite of stew. He huffs a laughter that's partly out of humour but also hurt.

"I'm free. Please. We've got a lot to catch up on. Enjoy your cake." He smiles pecking my nose then walking off.

My two tributes look exhausted when they get back and I'm hardly in a mood to act concerned.

"What's with you missy?" Silver asks me as I slump down on the sofa.

"Had my head bit off too many times today Silv." I sigh switching on the TV. I'm going to go up to Finnick's soon but I need ten minutes first.

She kisses my forehead and sits down on the sofa beside me.

"You know I'm not biting your head off but I hope you and Finnick make up soon. You're acting too tough and however much you deny it you need that boy." She tells me. Not judging me more just telling me.

"He's a jerk though." I mutter. She shrills with laughter.

"Oh he might be a jerk hun, but he's been there since day one." She reminds me stroking my cheek.

He has. He's been there stroking my hair at 3 in the morning, or eating take aways with me at stupid o'clock. He's been at the phone call even after all the crap I've put him through.

He's been there through everything. He's seen me at my best and he's seen my at my all time worst. So really it isn't his fault that he's partially fallen in love with me because if you've gone through so much with someone you're gonna feel attached to them.

I head up to his room allowing myself in. Mags gives me a grunt and I can't help think how utterly obnoxious she's being with me. I open up Finnick's door and I can't help burst with excitement when I see what he has prepared. One bottle of white and a great big bag of our favourite sweets.

I head over to him climbing on his bed taking a glass off the side. It's good stuff as well and I find myself feeling completely at ease in know time. It's as easy s breathing though with Finnick.

We can sit in utter silence and still feel completely at ease. It's getting late though and I'm about to get up when he grabs my hand.

"Stay the film isn't over yet." He mumbles but he's so sleepy I wouldn't be surprised if he fell asleep in seconds.

"That wasn't part of the conditions Odiar." I remind him.

"Call it a sleepover. Please Mason, I haven't slept in a week." He begs me and the tire and weakness in his voice makes me cave in.

I curl up to him just like old times.

"We'll have the wicked witch to condemned with in the morning." I mutter as we both become drowsy. He chuckles slightly.

"She can be a bit obnoxious sometimes but she means well." He sighs.

It's funny because he can't bring himself to say a bad word about that woman and I know what it's like because I feel the exact same way about Silver and when I try explaining that to people like Chuck they just don't get it. It's because to them Silver just seems like an obnoxious, pompous and Capitol loving person but to me she is not. To me she is someone who I know cares for me. So I do not mention Mags again and let him to sleep because if he cares about her that's good enough for me.


	16. Snow's finally broken me

(A/N- Bit of drama in the this chapter for Johanna! Please please review!)

You'd know the games began today just by my appearance. Clammy hands and forehead, I fiddle with the remote in my palms taking deep breaths. There's some hot competition this year so I wouldn't be surprised if we don't make it anymore than four days. The rooms beginning to buzz and the words 'Tributes In Transit. Status- Alive.' Pops up on the screen.

Their tubes shoot down and I a good look at them and the arena . They're dressed in warm black jackets, thick trousers and thankfully good leather boots.

I can see the tremble in Barker's hand as he takes deep breaths. Erin's eyes are transfixed and her arms are positioned at the ready.

The gong fires and I'm in complete paralysation when I see Barker sprinting in one direction- the cornucopia.

He's there quite quickly but he has little chance of escaping. Once the Careers ave dominated the area they're all dead. "Run!" I sigh in exasperation but it's no use.

"Run!" Someone else cries.

"Damn you, you stupid girl!" I hear Haymitch yell.

My eyes flick up to the Big Eye. Katniss is fighting with the boy from 9 over a backpack. The boy spits blood all over her and falls with a knife in his back. The District 2 girl is running after her, knives ready to be thrown. Perhaps I was wrong about Katniss- maybe she'll be dead in a day.

Barker has just got his hands on an axe when a spear is sent straight through his body crippling him to the ground.

Flashing words that read this appear on my screen 'Tribute In Play. Status- Deceased' and then his machine automatically goes black.

"Shit." I hear Blight mutter from behind.

Erin also being utterly stupid runs to the cornucopia too. She has her hand on a backpack and a torch but just when she's about to run for it a boy tries to grab it off her. But just as they are squabbling a knife goes whizzing though the air and straight into her chest. Then another and another until not even a whimper is left.

'Tribute In Play. Status- Deceased' pops up on her screen and we are left with blackness. I sit back in my seat and breathe deeply. Blight is leant on the control panel covering his face with his hands.

9minutes we've been in the Hub. Nine minutes and both of 7 are dead.

We have to sit and watch now. We have to wait until the end of the bloodbath until the cannons fire.

I get a quick glance at Finnick and put both my thumbs down. He mouths a sorry and puts one of his own down. I mouth back an apology than look back at my station.

Blight pulls his arms around me and kisses my forehead. We stay like that until the bloodbath is over and we can leave. The cameras are blaring at us but none of us feel inclined to speak.

I just walk slowly back to my room thinking through everything. Kids are stupid. They don't listen to us when they should!

I open up the door to find I'm treading on something. I look down at my feet and see it. Fragranced with the stench of blood, I pick up the deep red envelope from the floor. I know what this is. I've witnessed Finnick undoing theses letters so many times it is sickening. This is a 'date' arranged by Snow. I find my feet in motion pulling me towards the elevator. My breathing is ragged and I'm pretty sure I'm about to faint but I do manage to push the level 4 button. When the doors open, I stagger towards the door banging loudly on it. Mags, dressed in a soft pink night gown, appears in the doorway. "Finnick! Jo's here!" She bellows backing up to let me in.

"Tell her to come in!" Finnick shouts from his bedroom. This will be his break from mentoring where he swaps shifts with Sandy. I stagger towards his room with my fingers clenched around the letter when Mags says, "Johanna are you drunk?" She mumbles to me.

I shake my head unable to come up with an excuse and allow myself into his room. When I enter, he is perched on the edge of his bed.

"Finnick..." I whisper weakly. He's shaking his head at me.

"I shouldn't be getting this!" I cry throwing him the letter. In anger, he tears open the envelope revealing the ivory cream card.

"It's with Plutarch. it's ok." He sighs in relief.

Ok? How can this be ok? Snow can't uses me like this, not when he's already killed my family. My Jack.

"Finnick, Snow is prostituting me! How can that be ok?!" I scream.

His hands grip around my arms.

"Ssh it's ok." He coos to me as I begin to cry.

Why would a games maker even want a date with me? "Finnick... How can you be justifying this?" I stammer through tears. He tilts my head back making me look into his sea green eyes.

"Johanna trust me. This is fine. You HAVE to go." He tells me firmly.

The way he says 'have' sends shivers down my spine. "Finnick stop this! Just tell me what you know!" I demand from him. He begins pacing the room.

"I told them you'd react like this." He mutters to himself. I'm beginning to get angry with him now.

"Who Finnick? Unless you tell me now, we're done." I tell him.

He has tried to protect me from day one from having to do what he does.

"Johanna I can't tell you. There's bugs everywhere." He whispers. So now we can't even talk without Snow listening.

"Finnick. What is he going to want from me?" I cry falling to the floor. I cannot make love to this man. The last time I had was with Jack, I hadn't even with Finnick.

"Look at me Jo. You have to trust me. You know I care too much about you to let you do this if it wasn't ok but it is. Please stop crying." He begs from me pulling me into his arms and drying my tears. I'd promised him I'd never make him see me cry again and I had just broke that. Why should I trust Finnick? 'Because he's had your back for the last 5years and because he loves you' a voice in my head reminds me. I nod. "Ok I'll go. What time?" I whisper to him.

He smiles in relief and I have no idea why.

"7:00pm- Opal Restaurant- Diamond av." He informs me. He attempts to pass me the letter but I push it away as the blood stench rises up my nostrils. He pulls me into a tighter hug pressing his lips to my ear. "Trust him. Do as he asks." He breathes. I nod obediently. He kisses my forehead and steadies me onto my feet.

"Where something pretty and act confident. I'll be waiting in your room after." He assures me as be taps me out the doorway.

I take deep breaths as I make my way up to my room. I trust Finnick and if he trusts Plutarch Heavensbee then so should I. But it's Snow's involvement I don't trust.

Silver's sat on the sofa when I return. "Your on this magazine Jo!" She grins as I pass her. I look over her to see a picture of Blight and I.

I've got this knee length dress which is tailored around the chest area. That will do fine for tonight.

"Silv. You know where that dress with the black lace is?" I ask her. She does after all get a drunken Blight and I to a to b.

"Check Gaia's second drawer." She tells me. I hurry into my stylists room snagging open the drawer. To my luck, I find it.

It's 6:00 now and I know if I'm going to make it on time I have to except Silver's offer of help. She applies a heavy amount of make up to my eyes and paints my lips deep red. Except for the vacant look in my eyes, I look radiant.

"Johanna I have to ask, where're you going? You've had a tough day." She asks me as I pull on my black heels.

"I can't say. But I'll be back later." I apologise kissing her powdery purple cheek and leaving the room. The whole taxi ride there I am breathing in and out begging myself to calm down.


	17. Sweet Revenge

When I arrive on Diamond Avenue, I can't help but think about Finnick and I. What was 'Finnick and I' we've never officially been a couple but there has always been something between us. But then he has Annie. And even though he is dead, I have Jack. I can't even define my own feelings for Mr Odair because I honestly don't know. I know that I would go to the end of the earth to protect him and until today I thought he'd do the same for me. But now I'm not sure. Now that I'm on the way to a 'date' that he practically encouraged me to go on, I don't know. I walk into the restaurant with as much sass and confidence as I can manage since that was Finnick's last piece of advice to me.

I know Plutarch. Not very well but I do for a fact know that he is the next game maker under Secrene Crane. He's a plump and flabby man, nothing like your usual Capitol affected person. In fact, I can't help wonder if he's had less work done than me. He stands up gentlemanly reaching out for my hand. I allow him to kiss it. The last person who kissed my hand was Cinna at the parade when we finally became acquainted. I can't help think about how much more charming Cinna's Lips were on my fingertips compared to Plutarch.

"Ah Miss Mason. You look ravishing." He smiles pushing in my chair. I smile curtly making a small smirk suppress over his lips.

"Snow had said you might be difficult." He whispers quietly. My body tenses. Of course Snow would think that. "And he's right." I reply.

"May I ask why?" His voice is so quiet it is almost lost in the atmosphere. I come in a little closer. "Snow has nobody to use against me." I breathe. He looks in more depth at me.

"Is that right..." He ponders off then he adds. "But I said 'Joanna won't be difficult'." He enlightens me.

"Is that right?" I say my voice tight. A small drip of sweat is forming at his hairline ready to fall. "Hmm. Drink?" He ask me. I nod ordering a white wine hoping it will calm my nerves. "And why would you want to spend your evening with me?" I ask as I pull the glass from my lips

and set it down on the table. "You're an intriguing character." He smiles.

"And that I am..." I trail off dotting my lips with my napkin.

"Lets say we skip dinner and head back to mine..." He trails off. I swallow deeply. I guess I couldn't trust Finnick after all. I don't know what to do. I don't know whether to get the hell out of here or to keep my reputation in tacked by acting tough.

"It'd be my pleasure." I reply icily following him to his car.

His apartment is just like any other Capitol persons except its just a bit more snazzy. I'm beginning to get a little choked up when he requests I undress in the bathroom and come to join him.

As I step over with cautious feet and slip off my dress I decide one thing. Finnick is now dead to me. He's letting me go through this and I cannot possibly forgive him. I haven't had anyone touch me in such a way since Jack. I am not like him.

When I slip under the silk covers to join him, I'm shocked to find he is still fully dressed.

"This isn't what you thought tonight was Johanna. I've actually brought you here to discuss a few things." He breaths in my ear. I give him a look of confusion.

"See my apartment is bugged and I needed this to look...normal." He keeps talking but I have no idea that he's going on about.

"Things have to change you see..." He trails off. "Panem can't stay like this." He adds.

"You see Johanna. Snow's empire is fragile. Fragile enough to be broken."

I'm confused.

"And why would you want that to be broken?" I ask totally confused.

"Because I am not quite who I seem Johanna. I am on the side you can trust." He smiles.

"And which side is that?" I whisper quietly.

"The side who plans to break Snow's control, set the districts free and punish him." Plutarch tells me.

"A rebellion?" I ask in astonishment. There's a hint of excitement in his voice when he replies: "exactly."

"I don't understand your a games-maker!" I burst. This man doesn't want to help us! He's practically designed ways of killing us!

"I'm in it to gain knowledge Johanna." He informs me. Right. So he's smart too.

"And you need me for all this why? For all you know I could march down to Snow and have you all killed in seconds!" I hiss at him. There's a slight rumbled chuckle of his chest.

"But I know you won't. You hate him. More than most that's why you and Finnick are on side." He explains to me. I'm sent back a few steps. So Finnick did know. He knew I'd be safe.

"So what do you want me to do?!" I ask him wanting to know more but I know I won't get much out of him.

"You'll be set missions. They'll come to you be patient. Don't be difficult Johanna. Being cooperative could preserve lives." He tells me. There's a hint to his voice that makes him hard to trust. I nod. "Johanna this'll all be worth it. You'll finally get that sweet revenge." He smiles as I peel back the covers. I grin.

"Thats all I've ever wanted- to be free from them in the end." I smile as I climb up from the bed.

When I return to the training centre, I have no idea as to whether to be mad at Finnick or thankful that he made me go. I decide that seeing him will make that decision for me. I take off my heels and run to the elevator pressing the number 7. Cashmere's hand clamps in the door before it can shut making me exhale deeply. "Ah Joanna." She says looking me up and down trying to come up with something to slate. "You know just because your wearing a pretty dress, your hairs still noticeable." She remarks after a few seconds of debating. I throw my head back in fits of laughter.

"Halilugah! I thought for a moment you were stuck for ideas." I laugh steeping out of the doorway.

When I get district 7's suite Finnick is sat waiting at the dining table.

"I hate you Odiar." I mutter as I drop my shoes on the floor and walk over to the table. He's smiling ever so slightly.

"You honestly think I'd have let you..." He begins to stay but I place my fingers over his lips still frightened about our conservation being tapped into.

"Good evening then?" He smiles yanking me in to his chest by the waist.

"Not bad... Not bad. Got a few glasses of white outa him." I chuckle as he pulls me closer to his lips. I can taste his words as he speaks them. "You need a shower Mason." He breathes seductively. I shudder slightly. "What would Annie say?" I whisper back my lips brushing against his as I talk. So you could kinda say them conditions went out the window already.

"I'm going to ignore that blatant attempt to stir up guilt on my part and request you get in that shower." He whispers taking my hand and toeing me into the bathroom. He flicks on the shower and hammers his fingers down on all the random settings as I strip down. Nakedness was never problem between Finnick and I until Annie came into the equation. Not that Finnick particularly cared or thought anything of seeing me naked but I did. I pictured myself as Annie and what I would think if my boyfriend left to the Capitol having to sleep with women. Ever since that, I told him I didn't want to see him naked again. I turn around just as my bra drops onto the ground to see him stood there stark naked too.

"Finnick." I whine but he shoves me into the shower pulling me under the water. I do my best not to look.

He begins washing his own hair and despite the fact I let know one, not even him, touch my hair he still offers to wash it. He presses the random shampoo button and a smell so sickly seeps out. Roses. Immediately I shove open the shower door clinging onto the glass. "Johanna. It's gone. I'm sorry." He apologises rinsing his hand and squirting out a fruity scent to overpower the smell. I can still smell it but I don't want to upset him so I get back in. I wash my own hair but I do allow him to rub my shoulders. But that's when his lips pull close to my ear.

"As much as I enjoy showering with you, I actually brought you in here to ask about tonight." He whispers. Ah so his brainiac plan was to fool whoever the hells watching us right now into thinking we're having a romantic shower when really we're talking rebel stuff. I'm pretty sure the water is loud enough to drowned us out so I don't hesitate to reply. "Lets just say I'm in the know. But I'm more interested with how you know and what you know?" I ask him as he rinses his ash blonde hair. He lowers his gaze on me making me feel slightly uncomfortable but not self conscious.

"Lets just say I spent last night with Fulvia his assistant and I can assure you I know nothing more than you." He promises me. I nod.

"So we just wait for further instructions?" I ask him. He nods in reply hopping out of the shower and chucking me a towel. I catch it in my fingers dabbing myself dry then pulling on my robe. As we walk into the main room, he trails behind just in his boxers. "Can't leave you two alone for a minute without you ripping each others clothes off." Blight remarks from the sofa as Finnick begins to pull his shirt on. It's about midnight so I can only imagine the bars closed so he's come up here. "In my defence I wanted to shower alone." I am quick to defend myself. Finnick's smirking as he buttons up his trousers and pulls his fingers through his hair. He comes over to the couch hovering over me. "Gotta go. Later Jo." He reveals to me pecking a quick kiss on my lips.

"Use me and abuse me then." I mutter as he jogs out the door. Blights chuckling to himself as he pours himself a glass of brandy.

"You gonna tell me where you've been Mason?" He asks me as I lye down on the sofa. His eyes are bloodshot but the way he's speaking doesn't sound drunk. It sounds serious. "Can't boss." I say sleepily nestling me head in the cushions. "Worried about you Jo." He murmurs as I feel myself dropping off to sleep.

"Don't be Blight. I won't do anything stupid." I promise as I drop Into unconsciousness.


	18. Worried Parent

(hi hope you all like this chapter, love to hear your opinions!)

When I awake, Blight is still sat on the other sofa staring at me. He looks tired and I know he hasn't slept a wink. "Why haven't you slept?" I ask as I sit up.

"Been worried about you." He tells me surveying my face. I bet he watched me thrash about in my sleep then as Erin plunged that knife into my face.

"Well don't be. I'm a big girl." I say firmly standing up and heading for coffee.

"Ah Johanna the phone called for you this morning..a certain Chuck? Was it? Was on the phone." Silver tells me as she enters the room. My body suddenly tenses and I look straight over to Blight.

"Did he say why he was calling Silver?" I ask as calmly as I can.

"He said to tell you that he's being social." She tells me. Right I know what that means it means that he's staying around people so he isn't mysteriously killed off. That was my last request of him. I sigh in relief.

"I'm gonna go call him." I say. Silver practically squeals a no as she grabs my wrist.

"Call on mine. It'll cost a dime on yours." She tells me. I nod taking her phone then heading to my bedroom.

It type in his number and wait patiently. Most people don't have phones in 7 but they have one in their shop.

"Hello?" He says into the phone. I can't help smile to myself. It's good to hear his voice I haven't spoken to him in 10days.

"Hey it's me. How're you?" I ask.

"Johanna! I'm good. Can you talk?" He asks me. Right he's asking if I'm being bugged. If I'm honest I don't dare risk it since Finnick was pretty sure we were being last night.

"One sidedly yes." I tell him.

"Did you see it?! Did you see her go to salute District 11?" He asks me. There's this enchanting wonder in his voice that makes me realise how much he thrives on the hope that one day there might be a chance for him to fight back. To fight for revenge for what they did to his brother.

"Yes but.." I stutter because I cannot say she didn't mean that to be rebellious because its clear she did but I cannot go putting stupid ideas in his head.

"Chuck you know what I told you...don't do anything silly." I come up with now biting my nails. Why did he have to see this!

"I won't. Johanna, it's been years since Snow killed your family. It doesn't mean he'd kill anyone else." He says softly. But that's not true. It's only been 3years since Jack was killed. Am I ready to tell that to anyone though? Am I ready to explain to Chuck that's why I'm petrified of him going anywhere alone whilst I'm here. I don't even know why because Chuck is nothing like Jack. Jack didn't have a rebellious bone in his body. He hated what Snow did to me but he was no loose cannon. Yet Chuck is and if Jack can get in so much crap for being as pure as he was then Chuck can surely get in more. But the difference is I'm not completely head over heals in love with Chuck like I was Jack.

"I know. Just please go steady. I'll talk to you soon." I say shutting off the phone. What I'd kill for that to have been Jack on the phone. Except Jack is much safer where he is now.

I feel completely drained as the thoughts of Jack reenter my brain. It's not very often I allow them to but once I've opened the jar it's hard to close it.

I pretend to myself Jack was my little secret yet Blight must have seen him. He must have seen him kissing me at the end of the gate or creeping out of my house at 3 in the morning. He must have. Yet in these 3years he hasn't mentioned the boy once.

Not even when I didn't leave my house for 7months. He'd just come check on me then leave. No questions asked. I haven't found that peculiar since now.

Silver comes in to collect her phone but I know she realises that there's something wrong with me.

"Johanna what is it?" She asks me as I stare into the distance.

Why didn't Blight help me? Why didn't he look after me and tell me everything was going to be ok?

"Silver just go." I say gripping onto the sides of my head. She leaves but less than 10minutes later she is replaced by him.

"What's wrong with you?" He asks me stroking his finger across the door handle waiting for me to bite his head off.

"Come on Jo let it out because you look angry enough to kill me." He sighs propping himself up the door once it's shut. Do I? Do I confront him with the the thing that has been left unsaid for 3years?

I feel as if its the only thing that's gonna free my crammed up chest.

"You must have seen him." I whisper for the first time ever actually beginning to cry in front of Blight. This must surprise him because we're usually so god damn awful to each other.

"You must have seen my Jack." I cry.

His forehead creases but he's nodding and this is the first time I've seen him look guilty.

"I know you loved him and I know he's dead." He reveals to me. I throw the nearest thing at him which turns out to be a hairbrush. It hits his lip sending out a fountain of blood.

"Why didn't you help me Blight? Why didn't you care?!" I demand from him so angry now.

I know by the look in his eyes he knows but it's something he regrets. It something that is cruel.

"Johanna you had me down as a fool. You pretended to be weak when you weren't." He says. I look at him in confusion. So he left me to suffer as some sort of revenge. He made me suffer from loosing my family and Jack all because I lied to him?!

"You let me grieve alone all because I lied to you?" I whisper in disbelief my fingers pressed to my lips. I know Blight and I have had out ups and downs but could he honestly be that cruel to me?

"Johanna I didn't know you as well then. I still thought you were just some brat who..." He stutters but I'm so mad that I cut him off.

"Brat or not a Brat. I was a 17year old girl who had lost her family and her boyfriend!" I scream at him.

"You were conniving Johanna. Don't down play it. What you did killed your family and don't pretend that isn't your fault!" He shouts.

"My little stunt did not kill my family. Me not being a prostitute for Snow did that." I burst running into the bathroom and slamming the door behind me.

I know that must have come to a shock to him. I've practically been his daughter these last few years so it's not as if this isn't going to make him mad.

"He tried to sell you?" Blight whispers from the other side of the door. There's this pain in his voice that makes me realise he cares. My silence is his answer.

The door opens and I realise that I would have done the same to him.

If he had lied to me, I would have probably made him suffer.

"And I let my family die. So yes, what I did was inexcusable." I breath as he pulls me into his chest.

"What you did was human." He sighs kissing my hair. You could say Blight was like a worried parent. Worried about how seditious his daughter had become. Well I've learnt from the best. With him as my drunken role model what honestly did he expect?


	19. One nil to Agent Mason

The first time I'm notified any further is the day that I am watching the games on the tele in the dining hall of the training centre. She's a very smart girl that Rue. Seeder and Chaff ought to be proud she's one of her own. She's just pointed to the tracker jacker nest above Katniss' head. She may have just prolonged her life by a bit. I don't know what to make of Haymitch's girl on fire. He obviously thinks she's worth it because I've never seen him work so hard and stay sober for so long.

You know I'd actually admire her for her strength if she didn't have that tacky love story hanging on her back. In my opinion it did her no favours.

She's probably had it now though. It was a smart idea of Rue's but they probably don't realise the severity of a disturbed tracker jackers nest. In fact I wouldn't be surprised of it killed the whole lot of them.

I tell you who has caught my eye though. Finch. The redhead from District 5. She seems to be playing my card quite well. She acted like the underdog yet she's cunning. She's smart to still be alive on day 5. She's crept her way around and always had enough to survive. I like her. Who knows she might even end up winning with the wit and brains like she has.

Glimmer from 1 however is your average Cashmere. Might even be one of her relatives. Gorgeous but wouldn't be likely to last 10minutes if she didn't have the others attached by the hip.

"Clever little girl she is. Rue. 11 should be proud. Can I sit here?" A lady asks me. She's carrying a bundle of paperwork. I nod.

"You couldn't draw me a map to Diamond Av could you sweet? I'm practically hopeless! Lived here all my life and I have no clue!" She laughs theatrically. Right. She said Diamond Avenue that could be a coincidence but it's more likely not. This has to be Fulvia.

"Sure." I smile taking the paper. On it is one simple line of writing.

"Befriend Cinna. He has your instructions." Really? And what would a Capitol stylist have them for?

"I'm pretty sure I've drawn it wrong. Since the idea of that seems quite unrealistic." I say pretending to point to a turning on the map but she knows what I mean.

"I've known these little bends in Capitol for quite a long time. They seem iffy to drive around but really they're not out to hurt you." She says it's funny because she's good at this coded stuff. Anyone would think she's talking about the bendy roads of the Capitol but I know she is talking about someone else. Cinna. "I'll bare that in mine. Hope you get there ok." I tell her standing up from the table. She smiles and I leave.

Now I've just got to find my old friend Cinna. I don't exactly mind since I did find him quite charming the first time we became acquainted with one another. What to wear though, I mean he's a stylist. An impressive one at that. Maybe I should wear deep red... I return to the room to find Silver sniffling away on the sofa.

"What's wrong?" I ask crossing the room and slotting by the side of her.

"Peeta saved her life and took a gash in the leg.." She blubbers. I roll my eyes. Surely she isn't stupid enough to buy into that crap like the others.

"Silv what'd you know about Cinna?" I ask her as I pull off my jacket and head in my bathroom. She follows me in with cautious eyes.

"I know he's too pure for people like you.." She laughs but soon composes herself. I grin. I'm afraid she's sadly mistaken.

"So he seems." I say raising my eyebrows. She shakes her head not wanting to believe it.

"No. No he's just a talented Stylist who has his head screwed on Capitol way." She tries to divert me but I already know he's far from the honey voiced boy he portrays himself as.

"Talented at..acting!" I thrill with laughter flicking through my dresses. I can't help wonder though how he got himself into this.

I end up heading up to his room in just a simple red dress. We're here to do business I have to remember.

When he answers the door of number 12, his face is almost saddened. "You shouldn't have wasted the dress." He sighs as he allows me in. I frown. A little pushy don't you think.

I'm shocked with the sight before my eyes. A coffee table full of make up. From bubble gum blue to neon pinks, Cinna seems to have very colour and shade imaginable. Hideous but fascinating.

"Didn't realise Effie was having a slumber party." I remark as I stroke my fingers over the powders.

He lets out a chuckle. "Effie's not the type for sleepovers. This is actually for you. It's time we gave you a makeover Miss Mason." He grins. I'm dazzled by his gleaming white teeth and before I know it he's plonked me in a swivel chair.

"I'm thinking orange..." He trails off. Even though I have no clue what we're doing I turn my nose up in disapproval.

"Freesia?" He offers showing me the most beautiful highly expensive lipstick I've ever seen. I allow him to apply it to my lips with a steady hand. He doesn't look like a stylist yet he has the steadiest hand I've ever seen.

He plasters my face in white powder and paints my cheeks pink. It feels strange having such a thick coat on my vulnerable skin.

"Why're you making me look like one of the capitols finest freaks?" I ask him as he paints my eyelashes pink.

"To disguise that familiar looking face of yours. You wouldn't get very far with a face that was seen on every bill board for a year." He tells me.

I don't question him again, I just allow him to make me look unrecognisable. He does as well. With a light pink wig and one of Effie's pastel pink dresses, I'm practically unrecognisable. He smiles at his achievements.

"Hmm you almost look Capitol bred." He says as he helps me into a pair of ostentatious heels.

"Almost?" I ask curious to know what his best efforts are lacking.

"If your look real closely there's still a look of a fighter in your eyes." He tells me staring directly into them. I shrug.

"Shame you weren't so readable because I have no idea why you're here helping me now." I whisper in his ear. He grins linking my arm and taking me out into the hallway.

He helps into what I presume is his car and that is when he finally begins to explain. "You're off to do some cunning work Johanna." He tells me as we swerve out of the car park.

"Well cunning is my middle name." I grin.

I like all this. Acting undercover. It's the first time in years I've finally felt myself again. I'm finally feeling like the true Johanna Mason. The cunning bitch who fooled the entire population of Panem.

It turns out Cinna has actually dropped me off at the offices where all the escorts are based at. He gives me a key card and wishes me good luck. He tells me not to read the instructions in my hand bag until I reach the ladies restroom. I smooth other my cheek from where he kissed it and join the crowds of pedestrians. I reach the door in quick timing to be greeted by two peacekeepers.

"Good afternoon fine gentleman!" I put on my best Capitol affected accent. They don't find it suspicious. They even give me a nod of the head. Mind you it's the first time I've spoken respectably to a peacekeeper in my life.

"Ah it's Miss Marigold. I almost didn't recognise you." He says when I slide my card across. The name Isla Marigold pops up. I smile not having a clue what to say. So now I'm actually forging some woman! Under my name reads 'Escort for District 11.' Could 11 be onside? I don't know but someone must have stolen this card and I know it'd have to be someone from 11 to do that.

I find my way to the ladies toilets quite quickly and once I'm trapped in the cubicle I unlatch my bag. There's a paper with various codes on but on the top reads this 'Room 23 gather any information about District 2.' I sigh but go with it. Attached to the paper is what looks like a barcode scanner. I can only presume this is what I take pictures of the info with. Right now I just have to get myself into this room.

It turns out to be a lift ride away and completely patrolled with peacekeepers.

"Oh excuse me please please can you help me! I've lost my mothers earring! I'm Miss Marigold from 11?" I prompt. It probably sounds staged but it's the first thing that came to mind. Hopefully I'll sound like a desperate Capitol girl.

"No Ma'am. This rooms closed." He tells me firmly.

"But please they've been a family heirloom for decades!" I pretend to get teary. After all I am pretty good at pretending. I fooled the whole of Capitol and all the Districts remember.

"Fine. I'll have to come in with you though." He tells me. 'Damn' I think to myself in frustration. "We finish here at 7 miss so you best be quick." He tells me firmly unlocking the door. I nod heading in the room and first pretending to look under the desk.

Time ticks by and I don't know what to do. I can't do anything with him in here.

"It's clearly not in here Miss." He sighs looking down at his pocket watch.

"Please. I don't mind taking the keys down to the receptionist. I have to find it." I burst out in to tears. Crying always was my speciality in the Games. In fact this little outing is like a trip back to my games with all this role playing.

"I'm not meant to leave people alone in here.." He trails off but I cut him off.

"I'm a respectable member of the games. How dare you consider me any other, now give me the keys and allow me to find my earring before I report you to President Snow." I snap now deciding to reverse the role of who is in charge. The idea of him being in trouble is enough to sway him.

"Don't be long then Miss." He says passing my the keys and leaving the room. I grin to myself. Looks as if I still have it.

"Bingo." I whisper clutching my hands around the scanner. I move straight over to the filing cabinets snagging out some folders. Everything in this room screams District 2. I can't help wonder why they'd need information about two though. Maybe it's because they'll be the hardest to get on side.

A piece of information that makes my eyes widen out my skull is this '934 District 2 males currently in service as Peacekeepers, and currently 341 males in training for the service.' So the Capitol even use District males as Peacekeepers. That will be worth documenting.

I get everything from population to disease to economy. I don't even mind saying that I've done an excellent job. I leave the room like nothing's happened to it and lock it behind me. When I pass the keys to the woman behind the counter she asks 'did you get what you've been looking for?" She asks me as the key lingers in my palm.

"Certainly. It's what I would call mission complete." I smile walking with my head held high out of the building. One nil to Agent Mason.


	20. She is rebellious

(Hi, expect plenty of updates because my exams are over! Yay :-)

My information was collected by Fulvia again at the dining table. She slipped it into her handbag as she thanked me for my directions. She's pretty crafty at this stuff too. She seems impressed by my efforts.

Over the next few days I actually get sometime to watch the games. It seems I missed a lot in them three days.

On the screen Rue is running through the woods at as fast as she can. There's a cloud of smoke coming from the small clump of something behind her.

"Why is she giving away their position?!" I ask Silver in shock.

"It's part of Katniss's plan. To get rid of the food." She explains to me.

The camera is on the area around the Cornucopia. A nearby camera at the edge of the trees can just about see Katniss, arrows strung up and ready to fly. The Careers are arguing amongst themselves about whether to leave the District 3 boy behind. They are clearly unaware she stands so close to them and the other figure hidden in the greenery not far away.

"Finch." I know it's her without even seeing her giveaway red-hair. I know it's her because I know it's exactly where I would be. I would be there to find any last scrounge of food.

"She's there to get food. She's seen them lay out the mines." I say.

"Do you think such a young boy could rearm them?" Silver says in wonder. I match this too but for different reasons. She marvels his intelligence whereas I marvel the fact he's used something that wasn't meant to be used as a weapon.

"I should say they are. They'd have killed him already if they weren't." I point out.

They end up coming to the agreement that they have to take the chance of finding her and go all together.

Katniss eyes the stack of supplies carefully. I'm not sure how long it will take her to figure out they're mined.

Finch knows everything. As soon as the Careers are out of sight, she skips into the clearing. She must have been watching them very carefully. She does a fascinating dance around the pile avoiding all the spots she knows the mines are in. This must have take great studying and it only boosts her intelligence. Suddenly her foot lands unevenly and Silver and I's breathing is cut short. But there's nothing. Silence.

She takes a handful of a few thinks but still not enough to be spotted then floats back to her camp. She's a very smart girl. Right there she has enough food to last her days. I commend her greatly.

The camera flies back to Katniss and she has a look of disbelief on her muddy face. "They're mined." She whispers to herself. So she's realised.

Another one of Rue's fires have set off and she knows she can't leave it much longer but throwing something small will not be enough. We all wait as the seconds tick by but suddenly her face brightens slightly and her arrow is poised.

The tip of her arrow goes shooting directly into the apples setting off a mine. She shoots again and again until there's the biggest explosion I've ever seen and the girl from 12 is thrown off her feet.

I wouldn't be surprised If she was dead. I don't blame her for trying but it was too complex. But then I see her. Her chest is heaving upwards. She's alive. Perhaps not for long but for long enough. Something's reflecting in the camera making it hard to see.

"What's that?" I ask Silver squinting my eyes.

"Her token." I Silver tells me. Then I see it. This is no ordinary token. Not to Snow anyway

This is a sign of rebellion to him. This is a reminder that one of his Mutts betrayed him and didn't work. This is a reminder that we can play him like he plays us.

"A MockingJay?" I ask in disbelief.

Silver nods and smiles none the wiser so I remain silent.

She's crawling now through the Earth because she knows she has to leave. The Careers are running back now. The boy from 2 Cato has a complete breakdown when he sees the mess they're left with. He screams every insult under the Sun at them all then turns to the one who he sees responsible.

"You!" He screams at the one from 3. "Why would it be possible for them all to go off?! Why would you destroy the food that's keeping us here!" He screams at the boy and before I even have chance to take my next breath, Cato has him in a head lock and strangles the little boy to death. The cannon fires and District 3 boy drops to the ground dead.

Katniss has got further not very far but definitely closer away. She won't get much further though. The explosion will have torn every last breath from her. What I'm more interested about right now is why they let her enter them games with that pin. Then I remember Cinna is her stylist and he seems to be just as wise as me with rebellion stuff. Could that be why?

"Silver I'll be back later." I say pulling on my slip on shoes and running out the door. It'd be a very cunning aim for Cinna if he did but who says the born and bred in the Capitol boy would even know the history of MockingJays? He answers the door though.

"You have much to do with the tribute tokens Cinna?" I ask him. His eyes fall to the floor slightly but he allows me in.

"It went past Plutarch first. He said it was ok. You see Katniss isn't rebellious. It's just a pin." He smiles but I'm shaking my head firmly.

"To him it's not just a pin." I say firmly wanting to shake this cluelessness out of his body. We discuss like that for a while until I am sent completely in tuned to his tele. I can here Katniss screeching Rue's name at the top of her lungs but it's no use. When I get a look at the TV screen, the spear is already buried in the beautiful young girls chest.

The girl who'd risked everything for that plan is now dead. I know she wouldn't get very far but she was pure. Pure and above all intelligent.

She's reached her now sending an arrow right into the killers chest. Dead. She's pretty on target with that arrow. Rue's murmuring her name now. Just hanging on but will be taken in soon.

"Sing to me." She begs tears forming down her olive brown skin. Nobody can discounter someone's dying wish.

She sings out this lullaby that has the exact meaning I longed for Jack- go to sleep and tomorrow will be safe. But then the cannon fires and the little girl is dead. Katniss to my surprise heads away grabbing fistfuls of meadow flowers and sprinkling them on her body. She even weaves them into Rue's frizzy hair. Once she's done Rue does not look pretty she looks full of life- beautiful. Then just as I see Katniss' hand going to her lips the screen is cut blank moving on to a hiking Thresh.

That there was a sign of rebellion. I saw it at her reaping. It is a sign of respect. I look up at Cinna who's eyes are full of tears and to his surprise I smile.

"Who isn't rebellious?" I ask heading out the door.

That girl there is just as much as a rebel as the rest of us because for whatever reason she doesn't blame cruelty for her terrible life back home she blames President Snow.


	21. Tacky little lovers

Tacky little lovers...

I'm trying to force some food down my abused body when Finnick comes bounding over with a plate of fish in his hands. Must be missing 4 more than he's let on. Either that or Annie.

"Hey." I greet him.

"I've heard something up in the Hub..." He says giddily. Him and his bloody secrets. I tell you nobody knows more than Finnick Odair does. It's funny who much you can get out of people by just having a pretty face. I'd probably get all this out of people if I was about nicer. Nah. It's not worth the effort.

"Spill the beans then Odair?" I sigh waiting for him to reveal all to me. I know he will because he doesn't like having secrets to himself. It's no fun.

"There's rumours flying about the place that Plutarch has persuaded Secrene Crane to make a rule change so two can win." Finnick whispers in my ear as I pick at the stew and rise I'm eating. That isn't possible. Surely that can't happen. "And why would they all of a sudden do that?" I sigh angry because if that was suggested last year I'd probably have Tom here eating at my side and he'd have Phoebe.

"They think it'll make for better TV." Finnick explains.

"Why?" I ask with a mouthful of food then I realise exactly why. The Star-crossed lovers from 12. That would go down a storm.

"Tell you what it would be. A nice little distraction from the rebellion." Finnick breathes. I smile. It sure would. Once the two of them were out people would be transfixed with them too much to even notice how rapidly things were changing.

I head back with Finnick to the hub now slightly curious as to whether the rule will pass with Snow. I'm not too sure because after what Katniss did today, I bet he's livid. But then again the rule could apply to anyone not just 12.

It turns out Plutarch was persuasive enough because when we reach the Hub the announcement is being shared across the whole arena. Surely this will perk her up a little.

"Attention Tributes, attention. The regulations requiring a single Victor have been suspended. From now on two Victors may be crowned if both originate from the same District. This will be the only announcement." Claudius Templesmith's voice blared over them.

Apparently Snow quite liked the idea of pleasing the Capitol then. It'll obviously make the games a hit and at the end of the day that's all that matters to him. To none of us surprise, she calls out Peeta's name. She better find him quick though else it'll be too late.

She's actually to my surprise quite quick to find him and by the next day their whole little staged love thing is back on air. I try keep myself as far away from the tele since its probably the most repulsive thing I've seen on TV to date. I won't deny that he is completely besotted by that girl but she shares about as much feelings with him as she does any other member of District 12. Civil but far from in love. He's enough to keep their little stage romance going though because unlike me, he has no idea she's playing him a fool. It's cruel really. Acting so in love just to gain sponsors.

I'm still thinking bitterly about her whilst propped up the bar when I realise I have company.

"Haven't seen you in a while." I comment as Cinna hops onto a bar stool placing his sketch book on the oak bar. It's pretty fine oak at that and I know for certain it's come straight from us in 7.

"I've been a very busy boy." He smiles opening up his sketch book. Ah. He's been spending his time designing Victory outfits for two.

"Exciting isn't it?" He says his metallic voice excited. I give him my best sarcastic smile.

"I'm practically peeing myself with enthusiasm." I mutter taking a glue of my drink. He's smirking slightly as he begins flicking through his sketch book. I catch his wrist on one that catches my eye. It's got a feathered bust area then flies out at the skirt like flames. They're black but are slightly hunted with orange. Peeta's outfit is a black suit but his suit is as well hinted with orangey gold. I can't help but wonder why Cinna has been given the lowest District possible but then again I guess you have to prove your way to the top.

"That one is great. Sure as hell will make them look fierce. I like the black." I compliment him stroking his arm as I pull away. A shy smile appears on his lips glad that his talent is being recognised by others.

"Thanks. You know I would have love to have designed one for you. Deadly black and red. You have just the face for red." He smiles framing my face with his fingers. There's a look of a stylist in his eyes as he considers all the wonders he could possibly create for me. I look down at my feet.

"Well you can design my dress for the victory party. My closets running out." I offer to him with a cheeky smile looking up from under my eyelashes like Finnick does. It seems to do the trick because there's a little smirk on his lips for a moment.

"Would do if I wasn't so busy creating wonders for these." He sighs.

"Leave the lovers Cinna. They might not make it out." I remind him coldly. He gives me a disapproving look.

"They stand a pretty could chance." He points out helping me up.

"Hmm. I wouldn't go buying materials too soon." I smile stroking his shoulder then walking away.

Is everyone so certain these tacky lovers are going to win? It seems it because even the betting screens are filled with their names. There forgetting the sly redhead though. She has the brains.

I'm caught by a cameraman on my way to the lift. "Johanna please tell us your opinion on the lovers from 12?" He begs me. Normally these kinda people would receive my middle finger being pointed straight at the lens but I for some reason feel compelled to answer.

"I think it's tacky. What're the games turning into a bloody Romantic action film?!" I laugh. "I'd keep your eyes on the really prize. Finch. She's playing my strategy nicely." I smile opening up the lift and letting the door shut behind me. There. Let the gossipers talk about that one. Stupid tacky District 12 lovers.


	22. Addictive Personality

It's the Mentors interview today and considering I'm as hung over as hell I don't see me getting there in a hurry. I'm actually quite dehydrated and I'm guessing I look like the walking dead. Silver enters my room with a tall glass of water and two pills. I take her best judgement and down them both.

"Who were you trying to keep up with to wind up like this?" She asks me dotting my forehead with a cloth. To my honest I don't even know. I'm pretty sure it was Chaff. He's a pretty bad influence on me.

"Chaff I think." I tell her scrunching up my throbbing head.

"I've brought food!" I hear a voice chime and Finnick enters with a plate full of croissants and jam. My face must have turned green because he's quick to cover his face.

I sprint to the bathroom and puke in the toilet.

"Ugh." Silver comments from behind me patting my back. Once I'm done I wash out my mouth and return to my bedroom. Finnick's sat on my bed finishing off his croissants absentmindedly.

I groan to myself. You think me puking up would be enough to get rid of him. "You're not pregnant are you?" He asks me causally surveying my face.

"With who?! Last time I checked you hadn't wangled that one out of me yet." I remark referring to the fact all our conditions had been void. After everything he had promised me on the phone none of it happened. That's about the only thing that hasn't come under our relationship. So no I'm not pregnant.

"Well you and Cinna seem to be getting on quite well..." He trails off. I give him a stern glare.

"Don't be so childish." I snap. He can be so immature when he wants to be.

"Look just go call Annie or whatever you do in your spare time." I sigh knowing if he stays any longer we'll fall out. He sighs but respects my wishes and leaves.

It's a shame he doesn't take my hangover with him.

If this interview is anything like last year they're in for a treat.

Gaia doesn't do a bad job at making me actually look with it but I'm still barely able to open my eyes.

I'm under strict words to behave in this interview but as I keep reminding Silver I'm in no state to come up with snarky comments.

They've got the games on at the side of us one a screen. I watch intently. Finch is curled up in a tree watching the space in front of her like a hawk. She looks better rested and fed than the whole games. I smile impressed. The camera then goes to District 2. She's propped up the cornucopia whilst her head-case of a District partner practises using his spears. I almost feel sorry for her. I wouldn't want to spend my final days with such a head case. It then flashes to Thresh who's hiking through the wheat fields. I won't deny the fact he looks better than when he entered the games. He looks stocked up and ready to kill. Ready to win. There's only 6 of them left after all.

"So Johanna what do you reckon to Finch from 5 taking a stab at your strategy?" The interviewer asks me.

What do I think? I think she's by far the smartest in there by far the most cunning but the most ruthless no. She doesn't have that murderous side to her like me. Her game is just fuelled on slyness.

"She's one sly girl. I don't know where she picked up brains like she has but if she keeps playing her way and lets the other fight to un-existence who knows. I'd quite happily greet her on the mentor scene." I tell the interviewer with a sly smile.

I'd sure as hell let my kids join alliance with hers. Our slyness combined would make on hell of an alliance.

"How about you Blight?" They ask.

"She hasn't milked the weakness too much but people have left her alone. It's as if they've forgotten about her which is not a bad thing at all. Better to be forgotten then be hunted down like 12 will be." He answers. He's got a point there. I stayed undermined because of my training score whereas people like Katniss are on the careers hit list.

"So opinions on the District 12 lovers?" They ask me excitedly. I roll my eyes.

"A little soppy if you ask me. Thought this was the hunger games not a game to keep your lover alive." I spit. But really I've been playing the second game all my life. Playing my way through things to keep those I love alive. It's a tricky game at that one too.

They let us go and I head straight up to the roof. In fact I'm still there inhaling as much fresh air as I can when I hear the door open. I don't turn around instead I stay still.

"Airs nice out here." I hear a voice say. I turn to see Viola, last years winner, stepping onto the roof. My nose turns up in displeasure. Just great.

"It was." I remark.

"You out here to get away from it all too? I'm still trying to get my head around all the mentor stuff." She sighs about to sit down but I throw her a look as if to say I'll kill her if she sits down anywhere near me.

"What've you even had to deal with? Cato and Clove are alive and fine!" I point out. Jesus what's she gonna be like when one of them dies.

"And that's how they'll stay." She smiles. I roll my eyes.

"Have you not seen the betting boards?" I laugh. The chances seem thin for both of two to take home the crown. Maybe the head case of a boy but not the girl as much as I hate Katniss she could take her down easily.

"I don't know why you are so cold with me." She snaps back taking steps closer to the force field so she can get a better look at the city itself.

"One- every time I look at you I see you plunging knives into Phoebe's face and the other because Tom deserved to be here a million times more than you." I snap at her. She holds her head to the side indifferently.

"See I think that's quite hypocritical Johanna. You can hardly call me monster when you savagely killed 6 people!" She says a devilish smile playing across her lips. Not to mention the family I killed. Or jack. To be honest I'm cut quite short and all I manage is this: "I might be a monster but Tom wasn't."

We both stay silent because she knows I'm right and I know she partly is too.

From the top of the building I can see the Morphling's from 6 dancing about the street with flowers tied around there ankles. I sigh in awe. The ease they have with things.

"I wish I could have some of what they're on." I sigh. I know they're not even themselves anymore but no feelings most feel better than tonnes. I'd almost forgot about her presence when she replies.

"What're they on?" She asks me.

"Morphling." I tell me her.

"You tried it before?" She asks me curiously. How many times I almost had... The side effects seem to be all the things I long for. The feeling of nothing. The feeling that your body runs on air. I shake my head with a smile.

"I've got an addictive personality. I'm easily hooked on stuff." I tell her standing up and dusty the dirt of my legs.

You see I seem to get dependent on things or people quite quickly. How quick I became dependent on Jack to get me through the days and nights. Look how quick I then became dependent on Finnick to keep me safe, or how quick alcohol took their place. And now you could even say I'm dependent on Chuck. One heck of an addict I must seem. I'm proven right though because after my little session with Viola on the roof I soon hit the bottle.


	23. Feasts aren't always worth it

I tune into the games just as the announcement of a feast is taking place. It sure perks up Katniss' ears a little. She knows that if she doesn't get medicine to Peeta soon then he'll die. It's simple. His leg is infected and slightly blood poisoned. If she doesn't get the drugs he'll be dead in days. He won't let her though. I don't blame him either. She'll have nobody to cover her and will be easier to pick off than ever. She's gonna have to come up with something though because there's no way he'll hang on without it.

Thresh is certain to go. I'm not sure what he'll receive but I'm sure he's thirsty for a fight by now. He hasn't crossed anyone the whole games.

Two are revved up at the ready though and I can only imagine there backpack will contain one thing- armoury. They get it every year because its the only thing someone that strong would need. Something to make them in invincible of all around them.

I'm not sure what my clone will do though. She's in need of food, that I know for sure. Since the other day at the interview she now definitely looks frailer. She may need a weapon too because she won't get much further without one.

I'm sat in the Hub watching because I'm so sick of being around prep teams or Gaia or even Silver at the moment. Haymitch sits by my side eyes focused on the screen. He's worried sick. There's no way he wants Katniss to go tonight but he knows she will. Even he isn't cruel enough to tell her not to. Especially not when they both have a chance of coming home. It'd be different if only one could return.

"She's gonna have to figure something out soon. There's no way he'll let her leave." Haymitch mutters from my side. He really is backing this girl. More than I've ever seen him back someone before.

"She will. She's smart." I assure him fixing my eyes on the screen too.

It takes her a good few hours though and for the first time I have to commend her for her knowledge. I would have never thought of it. She's found a patch of berries that drug you out. Not forever but for enough time. It's unforgivable what she's going to do really but it's smart. If she gets them berries into that boy then she's sorted.

"Well Johanna not said this many times before but I think that tops our intelligence." Haymitch smirks. I smile back too.

"Pf." I sigh in disagreement. "Well I wouldn't have got myself into such a tacky alliance in the first place." I mutter. Haymitch smirks a little.

"Alliances are overrated in your eyes aren't they sweetheart?" He says. I shake my head in disagreement.

"A ally that's going to be of help to you is worth it. Not one you're pretending to be in love with." I say. His eyebrows raise but he holds up his finger to his lips.

"I'm not the only one to see through her Haymitch." I whisper looking around at all the intelligent Victors. They know their game.

"Well it sure fooled the sponsors. I don't care what they do once the games are over. I don't care if they never speak again as long as they get out." He tells me sitting back in his chair.

"You think it'll be that easy? Haymitch you know Snow as well as I do. He won't leave your tacky little lovers alone after this." I put him in the picture.

He's going to constantly want more from them. He's going to wan public weddings, births, christenings the lot! All to please the Capitol.

"That's if he gets to them." He says. I eye him suspiciously. So Haymitch knows.

"Why you so obsessed with getting this girl out anyway?" I ask him a little while later when she's making the trek to the Cornucopia. She's got a smug smile on her face glad to know that Peeta's safe and in no way capable to stop her.

"About time you spoke to Plutarch on that one Sweetheart." He tells me as we sit up right ready for the feast.

They're all there now. Lined up around the sides. Lurking in bushes. District Two have the biggest advantage of all. They have someone to watch their backs at all time. I look at Katniss stood on her own- at least she had the sense to take Peeta's jacket.

The table eventually arrives and the Hub falls silent in concentration. Marian- District 5's only mentor- is smiling smugly.

Finch is well hidden already even her bright red hair is camouflaged in the trees. But then, she bounces to her feet and sprints quicker than I've ever seen anyone sprint before to the table. She snatches her backpack and darts to the trees before anyone can react or catch her. Her intelligence in my eyes has just tripled. One smart girl. She knew if she left any later they'd have her and she knew if she'd taken anyone else's bag they'd hunt her.

"Smart girl." Haymitch compliments her. I nod.

The camera pulls to Katniss who's cursing herself as we speak. She's got the right too as well since if she'd have had that strategy she'd be out by now. She has to get to that table next.

"It wouldn't have worked for her. 2 would be on her like a magnet. She's their biggest competition." Haymitch says.

Just as his words trail off, Katniss begins sprinting for the table. She's quick but just like Haymitch said- 2 want her dead.

A knife goes whizzing past the side of her head. She's quick to react and sends an arrow straight into the throwers arm. Clove snags it out whilst Katniss manages to scoop the bag up in her palms.

She turns around ready to shoot again when a knife grazes her forehead.

"Damn it." Haymitch sighs but I shake my head. It'll be fine. It'll give her a nice headache but it's not fatal. She staggers about a little shooting her arrow way off target. She's had it now.

Clove slams her to the floor pressing her knees to her shoulder blades. She must have spent her time in combat at training. I beginning to hope for Haymitch's sake Clove makes it quick but it's District two and if she's anything like Viola it'll be long and deadly.

"Where's your boyfriend, District Twelve? Still hanging on?" she asks. I shudder. It's like a reminder of Phoebe trapped under Violas grasp all over again. I get ready for a repeat of last year.

"He's out there now. Hunting Cato," she snarls back at her. Then she screams at the top of my lungs. "Peeta!"

"That isn't going to help her now." Haymitch mutters to himself hiding his face.

Clove rams her fist into her windpipe cutting off her scream. She looks around for a few seconds before turning back to her.

"Liar," she says with a grin. "He's nearly dead. Cato knows where he cut him. You've probably got him strapped up in some tree while you try to keep his heart going. What's in the pretty little backpack? That medicine for Lover Boy? Too bad he'll never get it."

She opens up her jacket which is lined with various different blades.

"I promised Cato if he let me have you, I'd give the audience a good show." She says tauntingly fingering one of her blades. I hear Haymitch swallow from my side. His girl in fire has had it now.

"Forget it, District Twelve. We're going to kill you. Just like we did your pathetic little ally. what was her name? The one who hopped around in the trees? Rue? Well, first Rue, then you, and then I think we'll just let nature take care of Lover Boy. How does that sound?" Clove asks. "Now, where to start?" She says in thought. Everything about this monstrous girl reminds me of Viola. Born and bred in 2.

Katniss attempts to bite her but she slams her head back to the ground. "I think. " she almost purrs. "I think we'll start with your mouth." Katniss clamps her teeth together as she teasingly traces the outline of her lips with the tip of the blade.

"Yes, I don't think you'll have much use for your lips anymore. Want to blow Lover Boy one last kiss?" she asks. Katniss showers her face with blood. "All right then. Let's get started."

But just as she is about to pierce her skin, the what now seems pathetic under such a steel grip Clove, is yanked to her feet.

Thresh holds her by her collar his face smothered in anger. "What'd you do to that little girl? You kill her?" He screams. His scream vibrates the room.

Clove is scrambling about, too shocked or scared to even call for Cato. "No! No, it wasn't me!"

"You said her name. I heard you. You kill her?" He demands. "You cut her up like you were going to cut up this girl here?" He screams in her face. Katniss is hovered on the floor with blood dripping down her frantic face.

"No! No, I - " she then sees the stone in Thresh's hand and loses it. "Cato!" she squeals. "Cato!"

I hear him scream her name back but we all know he's too far away.

Thresh brings the stone down into her temple knocking a dent into her head. No blood needed. She'll be dead in a matter of minutes. Her chest rises and moans escape her lips but she knows she's a goner.

But then Thresh swings around to look at Katniss with his stone poised at the ready. "What'd she mean? About Rue being your ally?" He demands from her.

"I - I - we teamed up. Blew up the supplies. I tried to save her, I did. But he got there first. District One," she stumbles out.

"And you killed him?" He demands.

Tears swarm Katniss' brown eyes when she replies: "Yes I killed him. Then buried her in flowers and I sang her to sleep." She tells him. I know that must feel like a stab in the chest but she should not be crying right now. Not when this could mean her death.

"To sleep?" He asks more softly now.

"To death. I sang until she died," she says. "Your district. they sent me bread." Her hand reaches up to wipe her nose. "Do it fast, okay, Thresh?" She begs from him. She knows she's about to die then. This has to be the worst way to die. With your last memory being a girl laid less than a metre away from you with a caved in skull moaning for her District partner.

Thresh, to everyone in the Hubs surprise, lowers the rock.

"Just this one time, I let you go. For the little girl. You and me, we're even then. No more owed. You understand?" He demands from her. Haymitch breathes out in relief. Perhaps his girl on fire will make it out after all.

That's when we hear Cato scream for Clove. He's much nearer now so she better get out quick.

"You better run now, Fire Girl," says Thresh. She doesn't need telling twice not after she's almost met her death twice in a space of such a short time.

"I don't know how she does it. Little dime." Haymitch smiles in satisfaction.

Thresh grabs his and Cato's backpack and sprints as quick as he can to the wheat field. Cato is now sprinting from the forest linking over to where Clove lays. There's barely any life left inside of her now.

He kneels down by her side in turmoil. He should have never left her and he knows it.

"Clove..." He stutters. She leans forward clutching hold of his hand. He pulls it under his chin. "I'm...sorry..I let her..go." She gets out and I know times ticking on how long she has left now.

"Sshh it's ok. I'll find them Clo. I'll make sure I kill that girl and Thresh." He promises her. She smiles but it's a disorientated one so only half her lips come up.

"Make...sure..you win. For me..and for Glimmer." She gets out just as her last breath escapes her lips. Her cannon fires and the unstable Cato is left alone for the first time yet. Now the feast is over the real competition starts. The girl on fire and lover boy will be hunted by Cato who is continuing to thrive on their deaths.


	24. Little Miss MockingJay

(**hi thank you for the reviews! I'd like to just recommend a sprout to you, it's called Riley's Choice. It's definitely worth reading! Thanks again. Love to here your opinions so please review!)**

Even when I leave the hub, I'm still going back on what Haymitch said, 'About time you spoke to Plutarch on that one' what could he possibly mean? I decide to wait around in the seating area outside his office. This is risky but I'll come up with something. I have to know. I see Fulvia typing away at the desk.

"Hi, I was hoping to speak with Plutarch. Someone told me he is arranging the funeral boxes? There's just this little token my District girl wanted in her coffin and I don't know if it's too late." I lie. She looks at me before nodding.  
"Go through. He's ok to talk to you." She says dragging out the last bit. Does she really mean we're ok to talk without being listened too?  
When I enter there's sweat dripping down his face. "Ah Johanna, did see the feast? Had my heart pumping for a second." He says lightly. Even his deep green shirt is wet with sweat. It smells nothing like the sweaty boys cutting wood from home. It smells heavy of what the Capitol call perfume. Apparently everyone wears it. I know Silver does because she always smells heavily of lavender. He motions for me to take a seat. I do.

"Can we talk?" I ask pointing up to the roof indicating sound recorders. He smiles and nods.  
"Beetee disabled them." He explains to me. Ah so 3's onside too then. Seems odd.  
"I wanna know why Haymitch is fighting to keep his girl tribute alive. He says it's to do with you." I tell him firmly crossing my leg over the over and folding my arms.  
Why am I always the last to know everything anyway. I want to have that out with him but I remember what he said to me that night we were under his covers 'cooperate Johanna. It may preserve lives.' So I don't.  
"Right... I knew I'd have to tell you soon. If he manages to get her out... Then Katniss will be our MockingJay. Our rebellion leader." He tells me tensing up a little because he knows I'm about to flip. It's funny how easily I scare people. It must be my reputation name: 'Johanna- wicked talent for murdering'. Sounds about right to be honest since none of my victims died through me protecting myself. They died because I longed to see them dead.

How can they want her? When she's just a stupid love faking kid! She's pathetic! She might not even get out yet they're planning on having her lead all this! I could have done a better job than she could! At least I know what's going on around me, she doesn't even know that what she's doing screams rebellion! "So Haymitch's little Miss MockingJay's finally begun to bloom." I spit gripping onto the desk in pure anger.  
"You not even consider an actual Victor being a better option?" I demand from him. He's twitching slightly so I guess I've freaked him out. Well good because I'm mad.  
"We did consider you Johanna, it's just..." He stammers off.  
"What? Just what?! At least I'll be of actual combat use. She's almost got herself killed twice today!" I shout.  
"Johanna...You're not very...likeable though." He says lightly. I throw my hands up in the air. I don't no whether to be hurt or angered here.  
"Since when has this been a personality contest?!" I laugh throwing my head back. This was all more ridiculous than I thought.  
"People will follow her because they like her. You're too... Harsh. They wanna feel like they can trust the leader!" He snaps back. I stand back slightly offended. If people have their good interests at heart then they'll follow me! They'll follow me because they'd know I'd have the anger inside me to diminish Snow.  
"You know what Plutarch. I couldn't give a fuck. Let her be MockingJay. Let her crumble in the pressure. But I'm done with this pathetic rebellion." I snap turning on my heels and moving towards the door. No wonder Haymitch has been so set in keeping her alive. No wonder Plutarch was a sweating heart pumping mess after she almost died at the feast.

"Being cooperative could preserve lives Johanna. However much you hate her just remember this 'if she can get people to follow her than she end Snow' isn't that what you want at the end of the day?" He asks me. I press my face against his glass door.  
Yes. Yes that's the only thing I've ever wanted. I've wanted that ever since the day I was reaped. He's probably right.  
"Fine but if she fails at this and the whole rebellion goes under then I'll sure as hell get my hands on you..and her for that matter." I threaten him storming out his office. Stupid darn games maker coming up with all his little plans. See they're like that. Games makers. Always coming up with a game plan. I suppose this rebellion is just a giant hunger games to him.

When I reach my room, Finnick is sat waiting for me at the dining table flicking through a newspaper. My lividness must show on my face because his lips pull across into a weary smile.  
"Who's shook your boots?" He asks me as I sit down. I snag the paper from his hand and grab a pen.  
'Rebel leader= frigging Katniss Everdeen.' I scribble down on the paper. His eyes widen.  
"No." He says in astonishment. I nod my head.  
"Apparently she's 'likeable'" I spit bitterly. He smiles pulling his arm around me because he can tell I'm stroppy.  
"Perhaps next year you should show Little Miss MockingJay you're not to be messed with." He smirks. I smile back.  
"Perhaps I will. She can see my 'likeable' side." I chuckle.  
Stupid little Miss MockingJay thinking she can stroll in to being leader after just saluting 11. I'd like to see her try.


	25. Like being killed myself

It's always a tense time when it's the final four. Mentors sit awaiting attack or the latest mutt creation. But this year I am without them worries. I am able to do whatever I please.

Finnick allows himself into my room without even so much as a knock.

"What's going on with you Johanna?" He asks me with his eyebrows raised. I perch my bottom on the edge of the armchair with a small smiling playing out my slim lips.

"Nothing. Quit it. I'm happy... There's nothing going on but I'm happy." I tell him firmly.

"With Cinna or woodcutter." He jokes a cocky grin on his face. I give him a repugnant glare.

"His name is Chuck. There's nothing going on with Cinna." I tell him. So I have one drink with someone and he thinks I'm signing a marriage contract.

"I'm sure he wishes there was." He smiles childishly.

"Well then he'll be wishing a long time. I don't touch Capitol made remember." I smirk deviously. He can be as attractive and likeable as he wants. I still wouldn't touch him.

"Except he's not quite Capitol made is he." Finnick points out.

"Rebel or not he was still made in the Capitol, Odair." I sneer throwing him a can of something. I swivel the an around to read the label. 'Apple Cider.' It reads. I smile. This is Chuck's favourite. I brought him a crate for his birthday the other month. We ended up going on a two day bender a drinking them all in 2days.

"Everyone seems to be falling at Cinna's feet! You should have heard Effie talking to the other escorts. Personally I don't see it." He says clearly offended. There's this annoyed look upon his shimmery face that I can't help but laugh at.

"Someone a little jealous?" I tease tapping his cheeks. I know this makes him irritated because he told me his Mother used to do it to him to embarrass him.

"No I just don't see why he's such a catch. I mean I could design pretty dresses." He points out with a smile. I roll my eyes at him. The last time Finnick chose my outfit, I was rated worse dressed in the Capitol Magazines. I didn't care. It gave something for Cashmere to talk about.

"He's intriguing Finn. You're an open book." I tell him Cinna's secret.

"I seem it. But you know I'm not." He says quietly.

"Finnick you're not loosing your catch jeez! Open the window, there's a thousand girls screaming for you out there." I sigh tedious with this whole subject. I'm that fed up with his whining that I open the window myself. I was completely right. We're both deafened by screams. I slam the window shut and raise my hands to raise my point.

"There not the attention I want. Stupid Capitol affected people." He mumbles slinging himself onto the sofa.

"What's wrong with you?" I ask my face crinkling. I sit myself on his knee and study his face.

"Annie and I've had an argument then I come in here and nobody's bothered. It's all 'Cinna this' and 'Cinna that'." He groans rubbing the sides of his head. I know it's not Cinna that's bothering him. That's just a cover up.

"What were you arguing about?" I ask quietly so he can opt out of answering if he wants too. He pulls up the sleeves of his printed shirt and tightens his grip around my back.

"Annie knows about what I do when I come here. Most the time she's fine with it but she got upset last night." He explains to me with a groan.

"You're a saint Odair. I'd of killed her by now." I say stroking my fingers along his arm.

It's funny because with Victors it isn't just a figure of speech.

I switch the television on because I'm not in the mood to talk about Finnick's love life.

I'm pleasantly surprised at the sight before my eyes. Katniss is hunting around about a quarter of a mile away from lover boy.

He's picking at a patch of berries with a smug smile on his lips. I bet he's proud of finding the source of food for once.

He wraps them in the plastic and moves on a few metres. That's when we get a glance at the cunning redhead hidden in the greenery. Fixated and slightly squinted, her eyes follow his everyone awaiting the moment to strike. She won't kill him. She isn't strong enough. Even with a bad leg, he's strong.

"She'll steal the food." I breathe to Finnick taking a sip of cider. I'd almost forgotten his presence until now.

Breaking away from the safety of her shelter, Finch tiptoes closer and closer to the backpack laid on the earth. Her tread is so silent on the ground she has little fears of being caught. As always, Finch takes a handful of everything then stalks off into the bushes.

With a sly smile upon her lips, she settles down on the ground with her meal. That ought to set her up for the day. She pulls the cream cheese to him lips with a giddy grin. This'll be the best food she's eaten in days. Then she rolls the handful of berries about in the palm of her hand.

Just as her arm tilts up to lob the berries in her mouth, Finnick let's out a gasp. I don't know why he even went to shout out because there was nothing we could have done anyway. We couldn't have helped her. She can't hear.

I wouldn't have even known they were poisonous myself.

The juice of the berries seeps down her throat like wildfire affecting every organ inside her. Draining her body from life. If you look closely you can see the colour draining from her skin by the second. She's twitching uncontrollably and all her hands can do is clutch at her throat. I honestly cannot imagine the pain she must be experiencing right now. But then all of a sudden the shaking stops and she lies stiller than ever.

Her eyes are bulged out of her eyelids and completely glazed over. I cannot look for more than a second because its making me sick and sweaty. I feel as if for some reason I am dying myself. I feel as if those berries are being forced down my neck. I feel as Snow is letting this happen so we don't get another trickster as a victor. So we don't get anyone who is like me. Why did she have to go like this? Why did she have to die out of something so silly? When she had been so intelligent! One reason- She was too smart for her own good.


	26. She'll be made to pay

(Hi guys sorry did this chapters really long but I wanted the showdown to be One chapter. I hope you all like this chapter, please review!)

Every single mentor is in the hub today. Every single person in Panem is glued to their screens. Nobody wants to miss a single second of this showdown.

To be completely honest it seems like a million years ago since Erin and Barker were killed. It seems like forever ago that the little girl Rue was buried in flowers. It seems like forever ago that we all watched Clove's final seconds of her life as her caved in skull emptied her of life.

And now there's only 3 remaining. One to die and two to go home. I despise the 2 lovebirds from district 12 but I can't help think it would be better if they did win. After all the games have clearly sent Cato insane. It has turned him into a monster like the rest of us. It has made him unworthy of living.

I might despise Katniss with every bone in my body but even I have to admit that Peeta is worthy of victory.

He wouldn't have made it alone but he has to be the purest person I've seen in the top three in a while.

With fur as thick and glossy as a lions mane, twenty one snarling wolves rampage through the arena aiming to find their kill. There is twenty one wolves for a reason. Just like there was twenty two man-eating birds my year. These mutts resemble the tributes. It's an inexcusable tactic. It has the ability to drive one to insanity. When you are about to be murdered by a mutt that resembles someone you have killed, there is no other pain worse. When a mutt that looks like your ally is trying to rip your throat out, there is nothing worse.

Cato is the closest to these beastly animals but he has a good start on them. The ash blonde wolf resembling Glimmer from one is just about to snatch hold of his back when he enters the clearing. The wolves teeth clamps with his metal armour stopping it in its tracks for a moment.

Katniss and Peeta are immediately rose from the ground and to their feeds as Cato charges towards them? What must they be thinking? Do they think he has surrendered? It's to late for them to think much longer.

Haymitch is cursing and cussing by the side of me in frustration. This has to be the most annoying thing. Why couldn't the gamesmakers just let them fight it out?

Cato must still have some sanity because he's sprinted towards the Cornucopia. Even if these beasts can climb, he's probably prolonged his life for a small amount of time. Little Miss MockingJay has twigged on and is now running towards the Cornucopia herself. With a look of faintness, Cato's skin is completely drained from colour as he slams his body against the metal.

Katniss' hand clamps on the metal just when she twigs on. You forgetting something Miss MockingJay? The boy your supposedly in love with? Convincing.

"Go Katniss! Go." The plea of a more love struck boy bellows. She continues to climb and nobody blames her because she cannot protect either of them on the ground.

For a split second everybody thinks Peeta is about to die. With the mutts at his heels, there is no way he'll out run them in time.

"Climb!" She screams at him as he reaches the tail. Hampered by his weakened leg and also a knife, Peeta begins climbing up the tail as quickly as he can. She drives an arrow directly into the throat of the one that is about to take her District partner away from her.

He's at her feet now so she pulls him up to the side of her. Cato is still panting heavily as the top whilst Peeta just about manages to not pass out.

"Can they climb?" Cato chokes out crippled over with cramp.

"What?" Katniss screeches back.

"He said, 'Can they climb it?'" answers Peeta.

Her eyes snap back to the horn where the other 22 wolves have began to assemble. They'd be acting naive if they thought these wolves couldn't get to them. Even on their back legs they reach a great height.

Her piercing brown eyes widen, when she registers exactly what these mutts are designed to do. They are designed to crush you from the inside. A small shriek escapes her lips and her hands loosen too weak with terror.

A worries Peeta grips onto her arm in concern. "Katniss?" He says.

"It's her!" She cries. There's the same terror to her voice that we have to hear every year. It's not the terror that she might die. It's the terror that it's really them. I know for a fact that even if this girl lives, these wolves will plague her nights for the rest of her life.

"Who?" Asks Peeta obliviously. He always seems to be the last person to realise everything. To be honest I think he's the only one now who still believes her little get up.

"It's them. It's all of them. The others. Rue and Foxface and. all of the other tributes," She chokes out.

Peeta gasps in recognition. 'Clever boy!' I mutter to myself sarcastically.

"What did they do to them? You don't think. those could be their real eyes?" He cringes his face draining from colour altogether.

The eyes are not a problem. What if they've really used their heart? Their brain? What if they've used everything and just sent a pile of bones back to their families.

I have to close my eyes because I'm scared that if I see Erin or Barker then I'll never be able to function again.

A Mutt grabs Peeta in its teeth and tries yanking him off the side. The girl on fire fights back pulling him back with all his force. Haymitch is pacing in front of me in terror. Of he lets these lovers die then he will never be able to live with the guilt.

"Kill it Peeta! Kill it!" She screams. His knife goes straight into the wolves neck loosing the grasp.

Cato has regained is feet and is creeping up behind a distracted district 12. It's not just Haymitch shouting out for his tributes this time. It's all of us.

Cato has Peeta in a headlock trapping his air pipe effectively. I'm quite handy with a similar technique myself.

Gaped open like a flower blooming from its bud, Peeta's leg pours with blood. He tries to fight back but it'd no use. Cato has body amour on and all he has as a weapon is his nails.

Katniss goes to pull back the string of her arrow. But all Cato does is laughs. "Shoot me and he goes down with me."

Right. Now Little Miss MockingJay is in a predicament. Either she shoots and they both die or she watches the life drain out of the boy she's kept alive for days.

"I think she should shoot." Haymitch whispers to me quietly in a pained voice.

"Why? That's horrible." I say more because I prefer Peeta than her.

"Look at him Johanna. At that rate he might not even make it to the hovercraft. He's weak." He whispers.

With every second, Peeta's lips turn more and more blue. If she doesn't act quick then he will die of asphyxiation. But what can she do? How can she shoot when it means Peeta being torn up by a ravenous mutt?

For the second time showing his intelligence, Peeta pulls his shaky fingers to his leg dipping his finger in the blood. He then paints a cross on the back of Cato's palm. It takes Cato about the same as it does her to realise what this means. Her arrow drives into the back of his hand before he can even think.

Cato's body falls from the cornucopia and goes crashing down on the ground. This is going to be a showdown to remember. Trapped in his armour, his death could take days.

Moans and cries escape from this child as the Mutts attack him. What kind of a world do we even live in? How could any human being find this entertaining? He's just a child!

"Bet you wish you didn't put him in the armour now." I snarl at Enobaria as we watch her tribute be mauled. This could take hours.

Hours pass and all District 12 can do is hold each other and pray that this nightmare will end soon. We're all praying the same thing because I've heard nothing but mains and snarls for the last several hours. Finnick holds my hand and I bury my face in his chest unable to watch or hear for a second longer.

My attention is brought to focus again when I hear her pleading voice. "Don't go to sleep," she tells him.

"Are you cold?" he asks. He unzips his jacket and Katniss presses against him as he fastens it around her.

It's cold in there and just as I am thinking it the same words escape her lips: "Cato may win this thing yet," she whispers.

"Don't you believe it," he says, pulling up her hood, but he's shaking hard now.

The next hours are the worse. Nobody cares who this boy is anymore. They don't care what he's done or how monstrous he has become they just want the pain to stop for him. Even the parents of the children that Cato killed couldn't wish this upon him.

"Make it stop." I whisper to Finnick. Make it stop.

She soon does though. Katniss puts the boy out of his misery and sends an arrow straight through his head. Dead. After all them hours everything is finally over.

But no fireworks or announcers voice blares over the arena yet. They make it over to the lake when the announcement blares out. "Greetings to the final contestants of the Seventy-fourth Hunger Games. The earlier revision has been revoked. Closer examination of the rule book has disclosed that only one winner may be allowed," he says. "Good luck and may the odds be ever in your favor."

Nobody breathes for the next 21seconds. We all just stare in utter sickness as Haymitch smashes up the hub controllers in pure anger. He'll get his girl out but she won't be in any state to lead a rebellion. She'll be messed up.

This was Snow's plan all along wasn't it? Play her like she's played him?! This, in his eyes, will be the biggest showdown in history.

"If you think about it, it's not that surprising," he says softly like a gentleman. He stands to his feet taking his knife from his belt. Doing herself no favours, she sees it as a threat pulling back her bow but instead he drops his knife in the lake. She stops herself.

"No," he says. "Do it." Peeta limps toward her and thrusts the weapons back in her hands.

"I can't, She say. "I won't."

"Do it. Before they send those mutts back or something. I don't want to die like Cato," he says in a strained voice.

"Then you shoot me," she says furiously, shoving the weapons back at him. "You shoot me and go home and live with it!"

"You know I can't," Peeta says, discarding the weapons. "Fine, I'll go first anyway." He leans down and rips the bandage off his leg, eliminating the final barrier between his blood and the earth.

"No, you can't kill yourself," she cries falling to her knees, desperately plastering the bandage back onto his wound.

"Katniss," he says. "It's what I want."

"You're not leaving me here alone," she says. That there sends a hushed silence over the whole hub because we all know exactly what she means. If he dies then she'll never leave this place.

"Listen," he says pulling her to her feet. "We both know they have to have a victor. It can only be one of us. Please, take it. For me."

She shakes her head furiously and begins fumbling about in her backpack pulling out a handful of berries. Her eyes are full of pain as she says: "Trust me." Then on the count of three the lovers from 12 shove the poisonous berries into their mouths.

What has she done?

The frantic voice of Claudius Templesmith shouts above them. "Stop! Stop! Ladies and gentlemen, I am pleased to present the victors of the Seventy-fourth Hunger Games, Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark! I give you - the tributes of District Twelve!"

The whole Hub is silenced. Katniss Everdeen is going to have to pay for this. Just like I did when I played my little stunt. But she is going to pay even harder.


	27. Monitoring our every move

**(I'm so happy with how this chapter went so I hope you enjoy! Please review!:-))**

I feel as if everyone of our steps are being monitored. Every look or word we share to each other is being monitored. They'll be waiting on it now. Our reaction on what Katniss did. Whether we think it was a helpless act of love or whether we think it was to outsmart the system. We have been firmly told to think the first.

We're all pretending to be fine drinking and laughing as we wait. But then I see a girl out of the corner of my eye waiting behind the set with us. She looks young perhaps 14. 'Could that be Snow's Granddaughter?' I think excitedly. It's the kinda thing I'd imagine he'd have her wear. Cute little lemon dress and frilly socks. But then I see a well groomed Haymitch take her arm. I look closer. Who is that girl? Then I realise exactly who she is. This is our Victor. Anyone else would be just as gobsmacked about her transformation. The fierce girl on fire now is being portrayed as a pathetic little girl and I have no idea why.

I scan the group in search for Cinna. Surely this couldn't be his work. I had seen his ideas and none of them consisted of this pathetic flimsy thing.

"Your creativeness have seriously gone down if that's your idea of a victory dress." I comment when I find him.

"She looks ridiculous doesn't she." He sighs.

"You put her in it brainless." I sigh placing my hand on my hip. His career is sure as hell gotta be doomed now.

"I didn't want to but it was the only way..." He stops himself about to walk away but I block his exit.

"The only way what?" I demand from him.

"That we could make her look like a reckless girl in love." He admits slipping away. So their little MockingJay is in bigger trouble than we realise. In fact unless she starts falling in love with that boy pretty quickly she's doomed.

My eyes catch on Cashmere and her brother. She is in a skin coloured dress plastered with a million light reflecting jewels. Pretty but a little too camera dominating in my opinion. To my surprise Gloss gives me an impish smile. Surely not? Can you imagine how crazy that would send Glimmer if her brother had some affection towards me. I can't help wonder what's suddenly caught this blondes eye tonight because he's never given me two looks until now. Blight's chuckling at my side. I'm guessing he saw the exchange. "Look at yourself." He sighs turning me to face the reflective windows.

Ok so I do look rather eye catching tonight. I've got a deep red dress on which leaves my back bare and only just encloses my breast.

I turn around and smile seductively at Gloss. Might as well have fun with that. It'll sure as hell wind his sister up.

It's almost show time though so all us Mentors begin filing out into our allocated seating. I link my arm in Blight's pulling him along with me. No doubt he'll fall asleep as soon as his butt his the seats. It won't matter anyway, the cameras barely come on us. Finnick and Cashmere have the cameras owned. Some years they're actually paid to pretend to be having a fling just to stir up at bit of gossip.

The lights go down and I focus my eyes on the girl in the yellow dress. The girl who is meant to be our MockingJay. Our leader. She's about as much of a convincing rebel leader as flipping Effie Trinket could be.

We all sit and watch our 22tributes deaths again. Mine are like stabs in the chest. Especially Erin's because I think she honestly thought she stood a chance. Finch's hurts harder though because I feel like I've just been killed myself.

She died by accident and that in my opinion is not fair.

Maybe she wasn't as good a fighter as I was but she sure as hell played my strategy well.

The little girl Rue from 11's death actually stirs up pain in side me as well because she was so young and should not have died in a place full of horror and badness. You could here a pin drop in the whole entire stadium as we get a final look at the young helpless girl laid in Katniss' arm. But they do not show her beautifully wrapped in flowers because that would scream rebel and right now Katniss must look nothing but saintly and pure.

The screen goes to all the kisses Katniss and Peeta shared. It goes to the time when he was at deaths door burning with fever and she kissed all the badness away. I almost see a look of terror in her eyes but it's not for him. It's for her. It's because she's scared of being alone again.

There's only one thing thought that comes up on the screen and makes me reconsider her and him. It's the point where she drugs him then risks her life to save him. I still don't understand why someone would do that if they weren't in love. But then again what kind of a person would she look like if she didn't try? How would her District greet her with open arms if she didn't even try to save him? The answer is she had too. Any good person would.

To end it all they show the best saver of her all night. It's her on the hovercraft screaming Peeta's name as they take away his lifeless body to retrieve. It's pretty convincing but it doesn't fully convince me. It just screams this 'don't leave me here. Not in a place I don't want to be in'. I come to the conclusion of one thing tonight. Katniss Everdeen saved him because she thought he deserved to live more than she did. Not because she was in love with him.

We all leave with cautious smiles on our lips. Even she does. She knows how much risks she's at I can tell. I doubt Peeta does though. He still thinks she loves him but he couldn't be more wrong. Right now they are probably devising some accident that will bring Miss Everdeen to her death.


	28. Tell me I didn't make out with Gloss

**(Hi, hope you like this chapter. I'd be so grateful for your options so please review. Also please check out my new story about Cinna and what being a stylist entails. Thanks)**

Today is the day I go home and I will not lie I'm excited. It seems every little rule Finnick and I set became oblivious. Since for whatever reason this is a repeat of last year. We both wake up and we're both in my bed.

"What're you doing." I groan shoving him off the bed. He falls with a thud on the ground. Wow my head hurts.

"You should be thanking me. Would you prefer I left you to wind up in Gloss

Cassiterite's bed?" He asks me with his eyebrows raised. I close my eyes trying to so desperately to remember last night and this is exactly what I came up with:

I'm sat on a shimmery gold armchair trying to get my head around all the alcohol in my system when the hunk of District 1 Gloss came over to me. On any other day I wouldn't have taken two looks at this man but the alcohol has placed a covering over my usual judgements. I knew he had his plans to seduce me since the beginning of the evening.

"Johanna. You look...Unbelievable." He compliments me kissing my hand. I smile confidently. The alcohol does that to me.

"So I've been told. So please enlighten me as to why you're suddenly talking to me?" I ask taking hold of his hand so he can help me up. There's this playboy look on his face as he looks up and down my body.

"What can I say? You caught my eye." He smiles sliding his fingertip from the bottom of my back to my ribs. Then he strokes his tanned finger over my lips.

"Whatever would your sister say?" I laugh but allow him to pull my lips to his. It doesn't feel right but I feel like a bit of fun.

Our kiss deepens and I can feel his hand going down my pants when I hear a loud groan.

"Johanna come on." I hear Finnick sigh.

"Oh leave her alone Merman." Gloss murmurs as his lips move to my neck.

"Get off her! She's drunk." Finnick snarls at him tugging on my arm.

"Never bothered you before has it?" Gloss retorts. That's when I remember Finnick pulling back his fist and sending Gloss to the floor.

"What's with you? She isn't even yours?" Gloss demands from him.

" I won't let you take advantage of her." He snarls at him taking my hand and getting me out of there.

When I break away from the memory of last night, I take a few deep breaths and pull my fingers to my lips. "Please tell me I didn't heatedly make out with Gloss and that you didn't knock him to the ground." I whine planting my face in my pillow.

"Oh yes you did and..and you'll never believe this. You even moaned that I brought you home." I'm glad he finds all this funny because I sure as hell don't.

"Ugh I can still feel his lips on mine." I cringe.

"Awaiting that thank you?" Finnick hints as I rock backwards and forwards.

"Thanks a fucking bunch Odair!" I sigh. He smirks happy enough with that.

"You're absolutely welcome you dirty stop out." He smirks hitting my butt as I climb out of bed.

"Please tell me Silver doesn't know?!" I cringe as I pull on my dressing gown. "You not remember the part in the taxi when she was lecturing you and you threw up on her heels?" He asks me tenderly.

I groan daring to leave my bedroom. I'm either in for the silent treatment or an oh mighty lecture.

It turns out I get the silent treatment from her and Blight. Finnick is finding it all too amusing though. "Of all the bloody boys in this town." Blight comments as he butters his toast. I yet again stick to water.

"I know. I mean Gloss Cassiterite. You're lowering your standards there Jo." Finnick has to input as he sips on his coffee loving everything minute of this. I give him a kick. He's meant to be on my side.

"God! I wish he got such a lecture every time he goes making out with random girls! I'm leaving today anyway, it's not as if I'm signing wedding papers." I snap grabbing my cup of coffee and flouncing in my room.

Get me out this frigging Capitol before I end up punching someone myself. I pack my bags yet again bunging in all the clothes I've gained this year. I do however leave one behind- the red dress which I can still smell Gloss on now.

"You not taking that one Girlie? Thought you'd like it." I hear Gaia say from behind me. She sounds quite disappointed.

"I did until I found myself kissing flipping Gloss Cassiterite in it." I sigh. She knows I'm mad but she lets a small smirk come to her lips. Gaia's like the cool Mom.

"Oh keep that head of yours screwed on Girlie. See you next year." She tuts kissing my head then leaving.

"Bye Gaia." I sigh continuing with my packing. I've decided to not say bye to the other Districts because news spreads like wildfire in here and I'll admit Im embarrassed. Frigging Gloss Cassiterite. What was I even thinking?

I'm fully packed so I drag my case out of the room.

"Packed?" Blight asks me.

"I'm guessing I'm out the doghouse then?" I smirk as I pull on my jacket and boots.

"You've done worse." He smirks tapping my cheek then going off to fetch his bag. I guess I have.

We're heading through the hallway when I suddenly catch a glimpse of Cinna. "Wait two secs." I ask of them holding up my hand then running over to him.

"Cinna I'm going home!" I call. His face saddens slightly but he pulls me into a tight hug.

"Didn't think they'd have you out of bed for days after last night." He says. I'm not sure what that comment was meant to mean but I can't help hear a slight bit of jealously in it.

"You only get one ticket home. Take care Cinna. I mean it. Don't go getting involved with the wrong things." I tell him firmly. He could do well for himself and he'd be stupid to throw that away for a cause that has little certainty.

"I'm in with a cause that can only be right. Bye Johanna." He tells me kissing me cheek. I smile.

"Bye." I wave walking away. Such an intriguing character he is.

Finnick is loading my suitcase into the taxi when I catch up with them. He slams the boot lid shut and turns to face me pulling me into a tight hug. I feel as if we've grown up a little. I know longer think he loves me and I no longer partly love him. I feel as if we've finally grown up enough to just be friends and not question it.

"See you next year." I grin leaning up to give him a kiss. He gives me a tight squeeze lifting me off my feet.

"See you at the double Q. Call me when your home. Be good." He tells me kissing my hair then helping me into the car. I give him a wink.

"You too." I smile blowing him a kiss just as the door hits the receiver. What a year. Both my tributes dead in 9minutes. Turned into an official Rebel Agent. Made out with Gloss Cassiterite. And finally matured enough to let Finnick Odair go. I think it's time for home.


	29. Not coming home to an empty house

**(Hope you enjoy this chapter! Please please review)**

I stare intently out the small rectangular tinted window as the concrete jungle of the Capitol disappears before my very eyes. It's remarkable to think such a large train can move at such a fast pace. Chug-a-chug-a-chug-a. It goes the whole entire ride. Yet we can barely even feel the movement. The journey to 7 isn't as far as some of the other districts. We ride through the border of District one and six and then we're there.  
District one is an unusual place. It's not quite like the Capitol but I guess you could say it's a mini version of it.  
The train root we take means that we don't see very much of it but it doesn't take a lot to tell its a million times grander than District 7. Their homes are all brick and insulated with decorated door frames. They seem to have a cushy life here in 1. They work for a good wage and have the luxuries to show for it. District 1 and 2 are much smaller than all the other districts. I learnt that from geography lessons from when I was a child. Eleven is the largest and compared to the Capitol it's humongous.

From the railway track we don't see much of One at all. We just see thousands of people flooding around the city lining busily. I don't doubt the fact they work hard for their money but they do not work as hard as our District does. Our district work 15hour shifts to earn just a quarter of what I imagine these people earn. Their choice of clothing isn't quite as ostentatious as the Capitol but it's still grander than ours.  
District 6 on the other hands looks like death row. I don't mean that literally it's just people walk around very to themselves. People are just miserable. I'm beginning to realise why District 6 victors are high on morphling all the time. They're all techno freaks here. Specialising inTransportation. It's about two thirds of the size of my District and I certainly wouldn't want to live here. People drive around in funny looking cars. They make the trains we sit on here in District 6.  
I end up going to sleep because its a long way through the wildness and District 6 is pretty big. But when I do awake, I realise that fatigue must have taken over me since I'm not in my bed but on the sofa.  
"Beautiful big bed and you sleep on the sofa!" Silver chuckles brightly as she opens all the curtains and brings me over a coffee. I take it over to the window and sit and watch the final parts of the forestry go by. Not long until we get home.  
To be honest, my tributes went so quickly that I haven't even thought about what to say to their families.  
"Homes in sight for you missy. Any plans for this year?" Silver asks me sitting down in the window seat across from me.  
I have no idea what my plans will be for this year. There was no more mention of the rebellion when I left the Capitol and until I'm notified any further to me it's dead in its tracks. Perhaps I'll spend this year with Chuck. He seemed to make last year fly by.  
"I'm not really sure. You?" I ask her trying to act interested for a change.  
"It's Hola's twelfth birthday party next month." She tells me with a smile. Hola is Silver's daughter. I haven't officially met her but I've seen a lot of pictures. I don't have time to even stop myself to think when I say: "She'll be eligible for reaping." I say then quickly add: "I mean she would be."  
"I know. The thought went through my head every time I saw the little girl Rue." She sighs stroking her fingertips along the sofa.  
Before I can offer any from of comfort, there's a piercing squeak as the train slides to a stop in it's tracks.  
Home in District 7 at last.  
"Ooh quick have some of this Stilton soup before you go." Silver tries to persuade me but I turn my nose up at it.  
"Looks like sick. I'll eat when I'm home." I say. I'm so sick of all the Capitol rich foods. None of it plays nicely with my stomach. I don't for the life of me understand how the Capitol people don't get ill from overindulgence.  
Blight enters the dining room with a relieved look upon his face. I can only imagine he's glad to be out of this place too.  
"Be good Johanna. It's the double Q next year remember." Silver says as she fiddles with my jacket like a worried Mother. Blight rolls his eyes at her.  
"Johanna can hack it. Double the torture for them kids isn't going make things much worse. Take care Silver." He chuckles taking a step of the train and planting his foot on the russet platform.  
I give Silver one last squeeze and tell her to take care then climb off the train myself.

There's less snow than I thought actually but it's still breezy. Reporters and cameramen hit us as soon as I join Blight's side. I only have to rise my middle finger to make them leave. Stupid nosey cameramen.  
Erin and Barker's families stand with their heads to the ground as we approach them. Did they honestly think either of their children had a chance?Against the Careers? Against little miss MockingJay?  
"We're really sorry about your children. We wish there was something more we could have done. But the control was out of our hands." Blight says when the silence becomes too awkward. To be honest I have little to say to them. Last year I was flooded with emotion for the tributes we had. Tom was a fighter and got a long way and Lacey was just a nice girl. Whereas the shaky nervous boy and the spiteful overconfident girl we were lumbered with this year proved hopeless.  
"I hope that's enough to make you sleep at night." Erin's mother says bitterly tightening her shabby shawl wrapped around her shoulders. We've been insulted far worse so we apologise once more then walk away.  
My suitcase bangs my legs as I pull it through the icy paths. There's one thing I'm still dreading- returning home to an empty house again.  
"Wonder if Egor's still with us." I say as we reach Victor's village. Blight's smirking but he pretends to look offended.  
"He was my mentor! I'll go check on him. Well done this year Jo." He tells me as we part. He kisses my forehead and walks away.  
"See you in a few days." I call to him knowing he'll be buried in a bottle for the foreseeable. I can hear loud vibrations in my house when I get to the door so I quickly get our my key and unlock it. Surely nobody would be stupid enough to break into a victors house. When the door opens my stereo is blaring out as loud as it can possibly go. I rush around the corner to find Chuck dressed in his work jumper sat at my table. There's a beef stew in the centre of the table and two tall glasses of juice beside the plates.  
I turn the music down in confusion. "What's going on?" I ask unable to stop a smile forming on my face.  
"Well you said your two biggest hates where coming home to a house that was empty and silent so I came around put the music on full blast and filled the emptiness." He explains. I can't help laugh I find the gesture so thoughtful.  
I cross the room pulling him into a big hug. "I've missed you." I chuckle as he pulls me off my tiptoes.  
"I missed you too. I thought you'd be ready for some normal food too." He smiles indicating for me to take a seat. I slide down into the pine chair.  
"You even cooked my favourite I am impressed." I grin taking a big bite of the beef.  
"So cheers to the District 12 winners who gave us a spark to fight back." He grins. I swallow loudly. Are the Districts seeing her stunt rebellious already?  
I don't raise my glass. "There's no spark ok?" I snap. He nods changing the subject. If Snow's little empire are already seeing through her act then he sure as hell will be which means he won't be letting her get away with it any time soon.


	30. Apple Cider

(Hi, you'll notice that Johanna and Chuck are starting to get close, please review and tell me your opinions On them. Enjoy:-))

Chuck holds my waist protectively as we sneak into the old barn where they sell cheap liquor and do betting. We're on a hunt for apple cider and since our unusual supplier is sold out we took the risk and came here. My nostrils are immediately filled with the stench of body odour and alcohol.

As we walk towards the stall at the back of the barn, Chuck nods his head at a few people in our path. Friends maybe? Friends that got even more off the rails than he did.

"You got any Apple Cider?" I ask the old looking man propped up behind the stall.

"Yes ma'am I'll just get some for you." He says dotting off somewhere. Suddenly Chuck's grip around my waist tightens and he pulls his lips to my hair.

"Look what the cats dragged in! If it isn't badass Chuck! Thieving, gambling Chuck." A man around his late 40s sneers. He's stood on the betting stall.

"One time Wood. I came in here one time." Chuck mutters in reply.

"Who's that pretty little thing on your arm then?" He says in a dirty way.

I step out from under Chuck's arm and smile indifferently.

"The names Johanna. Victor. Mentor. Killer." I say shutting him up. I have to say when he realises who I am he seems rather stunned.

"You know what he did?" He asks me.

"Nope. I don't want to either. His business not mine." I say turning my attention back to the stall in front of me.

"Gambled. He's bad news this boy. He's dirt." He says. Chuck just about knocks me over his arm comes back to hit the man so quickly. I place my hand on his chest then look at the man.

"You're dirt too. Taking money from starving women. Starving men. You make me sick." I spit at him. He pulls his fist back ready to punch me himself. I pull out my pocket knife and hold it between my fingers tastefully.

"You gonna knife me? " He demands angrily. I just spin around and slice through the plastic can holders of our crate of beers.

"No Sir. Just opening our cans." I say deviously.

"Call the Peacekeepers. She's a physco." He spits. As Chuck picks up our cans, he chuckles gruffly.

"And that'd be a smart move Wood when your all flogging knock off booze. Good day." He smiles pulling his arm around me and leading me out the place.

"I wouldn't say it was normal to carry a knife around with you Jo." He says seriously as we walk home.

"Self defence. When you're a victor you can't even turn your back on people. That's why I hate it when people jump up on me." I say then add: "anyway how come I had to get it out in the first place?" I ask him seriously.

"Don't hate me. I gambled all the weeks takings there. A few years ago." He sighs. I don't tell him it's ok because it's not. He knows how much families struggle and he knows him much that would infuriate me.

My silence is the answer.

We huddle under my duvet with our cans once we're back at mine. The winters coming in tough now and the snow is getting deeper. More freezing children.

"We've been off work for 2days now." Chuck tells me as I take a sip of my cider and reach for the television control.

"They ever heard of shovels?" I chuckle to myself as I switch on the television.

"It's too deep and too cold. A man dropped dead with frostbite last week." He comments making the whole subject come to an end because he's right. They shouldn't be working when it's like this.

"I don't know why I'm complaining anyway. I get to have you around more." I smile slotting myself under his arm.

I begin flicking through the channels when I picture catches both our attentions. It's the mentors gossip channel. There's a picture of Finnick's lips on my neck outside a bar. I remember this night. We were both drunk.

I try but fail to change the channel before Chuck sees.

"I knew you were 'together'" he mutters but his fingertips still trail along my shoulder blade. "We're not." I disagree switching off the tele and climbing into his lap to give him a hug. Truth be told its because I'm cold but I am trying to cheer him up too.

"Then explain that. How come you two are so close." He whispers with his eyes still fixated on the screen even though it remains blank and powerless.

"We're just are Chuck. He's been there through everything with me." I tell him quietly stroking the back of his palm.

"that's more than close," he says wavering his finger over to where the television is. "Tell me," he asks in a whisper.

"We're not together so there's nothing to tell." I reply pressing my face into his chest so I don't have to look him in the eye.

"But you'd like to be?" He says in a bitter chuckle as he wipes the salvia from his lips.

"No. I like being a part of his life as a friend." I retort.

"Oh right I forgot you're not some Capitol screaming fan. There more his type." Chuck says in a way that doesn't sit to nicely with me.

"You don't know him." I sigh flopping into his chest because I'm in no mood for fighting. His shirt smells of aloe vera and I can't help wonder if his mother had bought some to heal his work cuts.

"It doesn't take a genius." He sighs playing with a longer strand of my hair in his rugged fingertips.

Chuck has workers hands. Strong, scarred and deft, his hands are the most capable I've seen in some time. They're the first set of hands that tell a story. They tell a story of strength, of fight, of capability.

"Well then you're clearly not a genius because you couldn't be more wrong. I don't want to talk about him. Drink your Cider." I grin tapping his cheek. He smirks slightly reaching forward for the TV remote. Just before he switches it on, he turns to look at me with a mischievous smile playing upon his lips. "Is it safe for me to switch it on?"

I give him a warning glare but even I cannot help smirk at his comment.

"Oh shut up and drink your apple cider." I laugh as he prods me in the stomach with the controller.

"I'll take that as a no then." He smirks reading me all to well. We both burst out laughing. His laugh settles me completely. It reminds we why I have him here. It reminds me why we're so close.


	31. We're all protecting the MockingJay now

(**The victory tour is finally here! Hope you enjoy, please review) **

Today is the Victory tour of District 7. I can't help but wonder what pressures the tacky little lovers from 12 are under. I wonder what threat lures over that girls head if she doesn't get it right. If she doesn't perform to her max. Peeta on the other hand, I imagine is known the wiser. Possibly the safest option. But then not knowing can drive people to say all sorts of dangerous things.

I can see it now. Snow's golden snake eyes prying over his screen at them both. What has this girl done? She has made made Snow look breakable. She has made him look weak. Just like I did over a year ago in his office. I dragged our every possible weakness until the snake was crumbling at my very feet.

Blight is propped up the wall when I join him in the Justice Building. He's dressed smartly in a suit and there's no trace of alcohol on his breath.

"Lets go see what 12's got then." He says with a firm nod. Katniss' little stunt isn't something we've had no chance to discuss. I have no idea what he thinks to it but I know for a fact he knows the damage she has caused. He saw it first hand with me. He had to deal with it himself exactly like Haymitch. He had to make me look like a helpless child.

I link my arm with his and we emerge out of the doors and onto the stage. There's thousands and thousands gathered in the square eagerly awaiting there arrival. Waiting for the girl that game them a flicker of hope.

The mayor follows after us and once we've taken our seats. He's been our Mayor for the last 19 years yet he hasn't changed in the slightest. He hasn't had surgery but he hasn't changed. His wiry mousy hair lays on his head just as disgustingly as my own. Well I say that but mine as actually grown into a chin length bob in these last few months.

He reads out a small passage. It's the same one every year. It's says that we must honour our Victors victory whatever District they're from. That we must open them into our arms like they were our own. I can't help wonder is that is some disguised way of warning 7 to be nice. To be civil.

His speech closes and the door creaks open. Joined in hands and taking steps out of our Justice Building, they raise there hands in victory. They're smiling and waving at the crowd but I know she's being cautious. Watching District 7's every move. What is our District capable of? I don't even know. There's lots of us. We're the second biggest district but I am not sure the extent of damage we could cause. We're hard working. We have men that could lift a tree alone. But we also have thousands of law abiding women who are just as brainwashed as the Capitol. Maybe that isn't true. Perhaps they're like me. They've worked for years to keep themselves alive and to give up seems like an unusual thing.

Katniss' head crosses to where Blight and I sit. I give her a firm nod of the head. They except there trophy then Peeta says a few words and they leave. She isn't much of a talker. That's his specialty.

She speaks louder with actions. Hence why her little trick with the berries has sent the whole of Panem into wreckage.

Blight and I follow them through and I can't help hope I get a few minutes to talk to her. But I don't. They've whisked her away for lunch and I'm just left with her mentor. He's too my surprise sober but rigid with fear for his two little victors.

"Haymitch." I call down the hall. He turns to face me. He doesn't speak he just stands there like a pathetic old man who has no idea what he can do to keep the girl, he has fought so bad to keep alive, alive. I pull my arms around his shoulders giving him a firm hug.

"If she keeps her gob shut, Snow won't touch her. Right now too many people love her too much." I whisper into his ear.

"She's not very convincing though Is she?" He mumbles. No. No she isn't. She hasn't convinced me since day 1 but Peeta sure has.

"She's convinced the Capitol freaks though." I remind him.

"You've gotta look out for her next year Johanna." He tells me firmly gripping onto my arm.

"She can look after herself." I squirm wanting nothing to do with this so called girl on fire. Wanting no more to do with there stupid little MockingJay. He grabs under my arm rattling me slightly.

"You'll do it for Plutarch! However much you hate it Johanna, she's the MockingJay and she'll be no use to us dead!" He hisses in my ear.

So now I don't just have to watch her lead this rebellion. I have to look out for her too. Who knows? Maybe she would be better off dead. Leave an lasting legacy and all.

"Get off me Haymitch." I breathe shaking my arm free.

I leave the building in a huff marching straight over to Chuck's house to see if he fancies coming over for tea tonight.

It's hard you see hiding so many secrets from him.

I knock twice on the wooden door with the back of my fist. He opens promptly with a smile on his face.

"Hey." He smiles.

"Did you watch the tour?" I ask him as he lets me in.

"How could I not. She's the spark we've been waiting for." He smiles. I slap him hard in the arm hoping it hurt.

"Saying that will as sure as hell wind you up dead." I snarl at this clueless boy.

"Johanna you saw her being out those berries. So that they'd be no victor!" Chuck shouts at me rattling my arms in frustration.

"I saw her bring out those berries so they wouldn't have to kill each other! And that's how you have to see it unless you wanna be dead!" I scream back.

If he doesn't go along with that he'll sure as hell wind up dead. That's why I have to pretend that's what I think because I am setting an example. A prestigious role that's opinions will spread across my District like wildfire.

I know damn well she did that to prove she can't be played and so does Snow but unless we want Snow knowing about the full scale rebellion he may soon have on his hands we act none the wiser. We act entrapped by her love story.

"Johanna you're letting an opportunity slip! That girl has given us the opportunity to fight back!" He screams. I shake my head firmly.

"She's given us the opportunity and we have to be smart with it." I tell him. Smart and cautious of every word that escapes our lips.


	32. The Uprising

(Thanks for the reviews, please keep reading and reviewing)

I am awoken by the sound of roaring voices. And the stamping of feet. I brush it off knowing its probably just me hallucinating. But just as I am about to doze back off, I hear a bang loud enough to send vibrations through me. No, not a bang. A gun shot.

I jump our of my bed and fly down the slippery pine stairs. Seizing my coat, I plunge into the snow in my bare feet knowing I have no time for shoes. The scene before my eyes startles me backwards. Hundreds of fire fuelled men are charging through the streets.

Stinging at the coldness, my feet grow numb as I sprint over Blight's lawn and hammer my fists on his door.

"Stay inside Johanna. It's not safe for Victors." He says trying to drag me in by the wrists but I push him off.

I begin running into the town, where armed peacekeepers are charging against the rioters shooting at random. Closers are shutting and desperate Mothers are pleading for their sons to come back inside.

But then I see it. Burning as bright as the sun, a beautiful but deadly MockingJay painted on cloth goes up in flames. Some are cheering, some are whining as the bullets hit their stomachs but all I can do is stand in disbelief.

"Jo go home." Chuck's husky voice begs from behind me. I turn to see my best friend stood with an axe laid over his shoulder.

"Put that down and go home now. How could you have been so stupid!" I snarl at him. How could he do this? His Mother has already lost Tom and now he's willing to kill himself out stupidity. How could he do this to me?

"No. I'm here to make a stand!" He shouts rising his axe in the air.

For an uprising unless you're shot a random these are District 8 rules: Attend-50lashes. Have a weapon- death.

I am unable to watch my best friend throw his life away, I knock the axe from his hand just as the Peacekeeper comes up behind him. Dragging him to the stocks, I scream after him. The peacekeeper turns to face me. "Unless you want to die, Miss Mason, I'd go home now." He tells me blocking me with a barricade as he locks Chuck in the stocks.

"He doesn't even know what he's doing!" I shout for the first time noticing all the furtive looks being thrown my way. Right, I'm a pathetic girl stood in my pyjamas pleading with these men to let free my best friend.

Then I feel a pair of arms clench my shoulders. I turn my head.

"Get your hands off of me." I spit at the Peacekeeper.

"50lashes for attending Miss." The man says coldly.

"Don't you dare touch her!" Chuck screams. I turn to see him. His eyes are frantic with fright and tears swarm his cheeks.

The peacekeeper now tearing off Chuck's shirt looks up and smiles. "Send her home J. We don't want a dead Victor on our hands." He chuckles.

I feel my body grow in anger as I turn around and kick him in the crouch.

"Get your hands off of me before I slice open your head with an axe, you pathetic old man." I snarl as he falls to the ground.

Another begins to aggressively drag me away through the rampaging crowds as I watch the whip fall onto the back of Chuck.

"No!" I scream thrashing about with all the force I have. This boy means everything to me and him being dead would be enough to break me all together.

With all the force I have, I break from the restraints bash down the barricades and fly myself at the stocks.

"You have a brother? Because the Capitol killed his! Now ask yourself if you'd be fighting if they did that to you!" I pant as the tears fall from my eyes and the whip falls on his back.

But he doesn't stop and I cannot last a second longer so I fling myself on top of Chuck.

"Johanna no!" Blight's terrified voice shouts chucking himself between me and the whip. The drunken whine from his lips tells me he paid for it too.

"Release him!" Blight shouts at the man. "Release him or I'll get straight on that phone to Snow." Blight snarls in the man's face.

Chuck is laid limp and only just conscious on the ground. He has received 29 whips. The man releases him. "Get him out of here and don't come back!" He warns us.

I crouch down beside Chuck pressing my hand against his cheek. "What were you thinking." I cry looking up at Blight begging him to find help.

"The healers will be helping the gun wounded." He tells me.

I look into the crowd. It's smaller now. Dozens are dead or injured, others have scampered home. Like I, they undermined Snow's capability. In the crowd, I see Benjamin the Grocers son.

I beg him and his friend to carry Chuck. As they lift him, I turn my attention back to the Peacekeeper. "You better hope he's ok. Else I'll find you." I snarl in his face as we make our way through the crowds and flames.

"Not if you loose your feet." He retorts after me.

I look down to my blue snow covered feet. I leave.


	33. The Dangerous Place

(Hi, please review and please enjoy!)

They carry him into my house laying him down on the dining room table. He looks as pale as a ghost and just about ready to pass out.  
"Please.. He needs snow on it." I beg to them as he moans in pain. I can tell for my sake that he's trying not to cry or look distressed.  
Benjamin takes a bucket outside to collect some. His back is just pure flesh but as blight keeps reminding me: Some are dead. He got lucky'. I don't think he feels very lucky.  
The boys come back with the snow and they begin lathering it on him. Chuck cries out in relief. "I..I have some Capitol medicine." I remember running for the cupboard but my feet are so numb and abused it makes things difficult. I push the pain relief pills into Chuck's mouth and place my shaky fingers over his quivering lips making him swallow.  
After buckets of snow and tablets I eventually make the boys leave. "Thank you. Now you must go home. Don't be seen." I tell them firmly. Stupid clueless boys.  
Then I look up at Blight he's got snow pressed against his neck himself. "Thank you." I whisper telling him he can go. What Blight did tonight shows that I do have someone left who cares. He cares too much to see me be hurt and now I know the lengths he'd go to protect me.  
When we're alone, I look down at Chuck now pain free on these high dosage tablets. "Why Chuck?" I whisper as he holds out his hand begging me to hold it.

He swallows loudly. "We shouldn't have to live like this." He whispers. In those very few words, I am made to feel paralysed. No. No we shouldn't. He shouldn't have had to loose his brother. "You could have got yourself killed." I say having to swallow back the lump in my throat myself. He squints his eyes shut and shakes his head lightly. "You could have!" I say more firmly. His face pulls across into a very weak smile.  
"But you came. You saved me." He says lightly giving my hand a slight squeeze. I look down at my lap but I can feel his sleepy eyes fixated upon me.

"I had the power to save you. With Tom I didn't." I whisper looking up at him noticing that his eyes are swarmed with tears. To say that Chuck is 22 ,like this, he looks so much younger. "I've never seen you like this." He breaths still clamping hold of my hand in a way that makes me wonder if he'll ever let go. My brow creases in confusion. "Gentle." He whispers sending shivers down my spine. I look deep into his watery brown eyes.  
"I've never seen you like this either." I reply breaking away from our moment. "Defeated." I answer.

His face looks pained as he mouths an 'ouch' I know that's harsh but it's true. "You didn't honestly think you could achieve anything did you?" I ask him thinking he'll pull his hand away but he doesn't. "I don't know anymore Johanna. I just get so angry and frustrated. I just wanted to do something." He sighs closing his eyes and shaking his head.  
I begin to grow aggravated so I pull my hand away. "Don't we all! Do you honestly think I like waking every night in sweats from nightmares? Do you think I like watching kids die?! I want change Chuck but burning down a few buildings will achieve nothing!" I say in exasperation gripping at my hair roots.

His warm deft hands clasp around my arm trying to comfort me. "I'm sorry. I..I wish I could take all that badness away from you I do." He admits stroking his fingers along the back of my palm. I can feel the water pouring in my own eyes but I manage to keep it in. "They've...turned me into a murderer Chuck. They're made me bad. I don't want you to be bad. You're too pure for that." I whisper raising my head.  
Our eyes lock on each others for a second. "I'm already bad." He whispers. I can feel his warm breath now on my icy face. "I've killed hundreds so that makes two." I whisper moving closer towards him.  
Before I can stop him, he attaches his weak quivering lips to my own. This kiss felt different. It wasn't like all the others. It wasn't vulgar like Secrena Cranes, it wasn't joking and flirtatious like Finnick's and it wasn't pure like Jacks.

Chuck was bad. I notice the other scarers smothered on his arm as his hand caresses my neck. But I like that. I like the fact I'm kissing someone, who like me, isn't saint worthy and has made mistakes. I like how he doesn't dampen down all the bad things I did. Despite the fact his lips are moist with sweat this kiss is the first since Jack's that has made me yearn for more. I am the first to pull away. His breath is ragged as he lies his head back on the cushion. For a moment we sit in silence.  
"We can't kiss again." I whisper about to stand up but his eyes are on me, pleading and pained. I stay. All I can see is Snow luring Chuck into some deathly trap when I leave to mentor again and that I cannot bare the thought of.  
That may have been a mistake but I care about this man and yes I'll admit in those few minutes I felt at ease. But I shouldn't be allowed to love again not when we still live like this.  
"Why?" He breathes trying to figure out what's plaguing my mind. He knows about what Snow did to my family now but not about Jack. I take a deep breath of exasperation. Am I ready to open up to someone? Am I ready to tell him why I have no partner? No. No I'm not. Not when I stand in a place that's haunted with memories. "Because we leave in a dangerous place." I whisper. A very dangerous place. A place where I am not free to show my desire for anyone. Nor am I allowed to take the risk of loving someone again. But that my friend is Karma.  
I must have been dragged in by the demon of tire because I am awoken by Chuck's soft voice. "Johanna pass me your feet before they fall off." He asks of me as I look up blinking with my eyes hastily. Was he really laid on my dining table battered, bruised and whipped? Did we really kiss? Yes. Yes we did because I can still feel the warmness of his lips on my own.  
I look down to my blue feet damaged from my rampage through the snow and sigh. I cannot loose my feet so I allow Chuck to take them in his warm hands. He begins too wince as the slight movement of his arms send palpitations of pain down his raw back. I try to pull away but he refuses to let me go. I don't argue because once he's finished I'll just fetch him more tablets.  
I can't help wonder how long he's been staring at me to notice my feet. I'm well aware it's the early hours of the morning though.  
"It doesn't seem fair somehow that I get these when some have been whipped all 50." He mutters as I give him the tablets once he's finished with my feet. Yes others did get whipped more but none of them have families that I owe. None of their brothers were killed because of me. None of them are my best friend like he is.  
"I'm going to get back on the phone to the healer." I announce standing up from the table. He catches my hand before I go making me directly at him.  
"I thought you'd be brave enough to fight the dangerous place." He breathes the venom behind his voice makes me shudder. I smile. "None of us are strong enough to fight the dangerous place. Look around you. I'd have a family if we were." I whisper pulling venom behind my words too. His jawline tightens making me realise we are so past the kissing romance stage now. Good. That's what I wanted wasn't it?


	34. The visit from a Peacekeeper

( Hi, Please review)

The healer came eventually as did Chuck's mother and after a day or two he was allowed home.

He didn't mention the kiss again as he said goodbye to me but the scars all along his back were a good enough reminder that that kiss happened and that he had been stupid. I'm not really sure what's even going between us because even weeks later when I visit his family store and he's propped up in a seat he doesn't mention the kiss. We just small talk about work and the weather and I do a pretty good job to act uninterested. Our Bestfriend stage seems loose for now.

It was found that exactly 68 people died that night and hundreds were punished but the same letter was sent around every door of District 7 and that was this: 'Many boys died out of stupidity the other night trying to avenge the Capitol. The people who are trying to keep you safe. It was a pointless unsuccessful act and the authorities have been notified. The Capitol have informed us that any other mayhem in District 7 will result in disastrous consequences. A punishment must follow in order to remind the rebels that they are defeated, so no member of District 7 are allowed out of their homes after 10pm unless on night time duty until the foreseeable future. If this rule is to be broken a more severe punishment for the population of District 7 will be put in place.'

I know. 'Threatening' isn't it. It gave Blight and I a good chuckle anyway. I can't help wonder who those 68 people are though. Which poor wives, girlfriends or mothers are now arranging their funerals.

I'm flicking though all the Channels on my tele trying to find something which doesn't consist of District 12's lovebirds wedding outfits, when there's a knock at the door. I tug the door open, ever since Blight fell into it drunk it's not opened very well. The three figures in front of me send me two steps back. Three flipping armed peacekeepers.

"How can I help?" I say indifferently squinting as the sun reflected snow restricts my view. The snow untouched and beautiful this morning has been destroyed by these heavy footed morons with guns.

"May we come inside Miss Mason?" He asks. I place my hand over the door restricting his entry as I get a good look at his face.

"Do I have to? I'm busy." I announce placing my other hand across my forehead as a visor. The old vulgar looking gentleman smirks repulsively.

"We have a very important message for you Miss. So yes we do." He tells me firmly. I raise my hands in the air pretending to look ecstatic.

"Oh goodie. You best come in!" I clap sarcastically moving my way through the house. 'Bloody piece of work' I hear one mutter as I enter the kitchen. I smile pleased I still have that effect on people.

"Care for a drink? I've got some knock of liquor somewhere." I say as they follow me into the kitchen. Their eyebrows raise.

"Kidding." I say defensively. "All Capitol made in this household! Including me!" I laugh hysterically.

"Miss Mason. You cannot expect us to ignore your attendance at the protest." He says firmly. Didn't think they would.

"Do your best! Call Snow. I'm really past caring." I sigh.

"President Snow to you Miss." The one with the bruised eye says firmly.

"President Snow! Snow! Snowy! I'll call him whatever I damn want!" I shout.

"Well the President has been informed of your presence." He informs me.

"What's he gonna do then? Ah? Have me killed off?" I ask so passed caring what Snow does or doesn't know.

"Miss Mason.." He begins to say but I cut him off.

"Quit calling me that and tell me what's going on." I snap beginning to get annoyed with them.

"He's aware and he told us to inform that the role you play is very prestigious. It is to set an example. Do not be seen at one again nor socialise with any rebels is that clear and tell you friend to keep his distance." the peacekeeper barks at me.

"Get out!" I shout my hands beginning to tremble. "Get out!" I scream. They all begin to leave. Snow knew about Chuck! Snow knew about me befriending this boy. Snow knew about that kiss and now...now as my punish Snow could kill him!

I wait until they leave then grab my coat pulling it on and sprinting out the door. How quickly can I get to him?

My hands are hammering down on the locked shop door and I'm screaming his name. "Chuck!" I scream panting and puffing. After what seems a lifetime the door finally falls open. Unharmed, fit and healthy, Chuck stands in front of me in concern. "You're ok." I sigh grabbing hold of his neck and crushing him closely to me.

"You're ok." I sigh again.

I know I've got to talk to him because his face is masked with worry. I'd warned him when I left for the last hunger games the chance but I never imagined it to be possible. He was nothing more than a friend then but then he kissed me in my house. Where Snow can see. He isn't able to understand my fears when he doesn't know about what happened to Jack. But even when I try and explain I just can't.

"Look. He knows about you. You have to stay around people." I cry. He wipes away my tears and places his lips on my forehead holding my back.

"I will. It's ok." He promises me stroking back my hair.

"I can't loose you. You must." I breathe.

Imagine that. Imagine if I lost Chuck. Imagine if Snow took the last person I have left that isn't a victor away from me? I would officially be broken. Broken into too many pieces to possibly fight back.


	35. I'm not ready for this

(**Hi everyone, I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions. I'm wanting to get a better idea of what Chuck looks like so that I can describe him in more detail and I was wondering if you had any actor suggestions who you can see him as? Either message me or review, all opinions will be taken into consideration:-) thank you.)**

Ever since the day I found out that Snow knows about Chuck and I's kiss, I can't bring bring myself to be away from him. It's made this magnetic pull between the two of us.

He's told me to meet him at our bench, which overlooks the dam that runs through city, today though.

I always found it the most hideous place when I was younger. Murky brown water. Litter floating in it. I found it repulsive. But ever since Chuck brought me here I began seeing it in a different light. I the his beauty behind it. My mind tells me it's because I'm getting softer with age but my heart tells me it's because of something else. It's because Chuck has this weird way of making you see things in a different light.

I'm sat on the bench watching a duck poke its beak at a half eaten sandwich. The waste is enough to drive me insane. I spent my whole childhood leaving on just enough to get by and people have the cheek to waste something as fine as this!

Chuck sitting down on the bench by my side stops me from getting any angrier.

"Why've we come here?" I ask him. There's usually a reason. Like last time we came here was to have a drink and some food for my 20th birthday. We ended up getting hammered. But it was a good night. We kipped on his workshop floor and laughed harder than we have in ages.

"I need to talk to you about something." He tells me. The winds harsh in my face so block it with my hand and turn to face him.

"About?" I ask.

"The night of the Uprising. The kiss." He says hiding his lips in his jacket. I let out a groan.

"I said forget it." I snap folding my arms across my chest.

"What if I wanna make the conditions for once? what if I don't want to forget it Johanna?" He asks me.

I feel for some reason like I've just been shot in the chest. This shouldn't be happening. This wasn't part of the deal. Him falling for me was never part of the plan.

"Maybe I don't either but if you wanna live then you have too!" I say firmly. I'm not ready for this. I'm not ready to even begin to try and love anyone else. I am not ready to put everything I have into something that Snow could so easily destroy. I'm not ready to put my whole love into a person that might not be there forever.

"I'm just not ready Chuck." I breathe gripping at the sides of my head.

Why is he doing this? We're happy aren't we? Why do we have to go and stamp a label on things? Why can't we just stay the way we were!

"Why aren't you ready Johanna?" He asks from me. Is this the time? Is this the time that I tell him about the boy that I love who is now dead?

"Because I'm sick with grief. Grief for my Jack. You see you don't know me as well as you think." I cry gripping at my head at standing up and walking over to the water in exasperation.

"Who's Jack?" He asks.

"Jack's the first person I've ever loved and he's gone! He's gone because of Snow. So don't you dare tell me I'm ready because I'm not!" I scream flinging him off of me. How dare he. How dare he question something that only I can decide upon.

"You were ready for Finnick!" He shoots back letting off all the steam that I can only imagine has been fighting upon his chest. The question as to why I'll let Finnick get close to me but not him.

"How dare you! You don't know him! You don't know what he's done for me." I shout. I cannot explain the anger I have right now.

"I don't understand you Johanna. Why're you running away from the guy who makes you happy and fighting for the one that makes you cry?!" He demands from me.

I crouch down to the floor feeling sick. Do I want to tell him why I can just shake Finnick off? Why I can't just let him go? Why a small part of my heart still yearns for him to be mine? No. No I don't because that is the only thing that is still to myself.

I just look up at him.

"You did make me happy. Until you pushed me for more. Why couldn't you just be happy with what we had?!" I demand from him.

"Because you're so god damn unpredictable Johanna! I want routine! I want common ground." He shouts.

"Well then go marry a girl from the town because that's not me Chuck." I snap grabbing my leather satchel off the bench and beginning to storm away from him.

"Why isn't it? Because Snow won't let it be?" He shouts after me.

"No because I won't let it be. I won't let myself be anyone's anything anymore. I'm so done with you." I scream.

"Go on then. Go home call your Victor Boyfriend because I know that's what you'll do." He says and to be completely honest it's the most hurtful thing anyone's ever said to me in some time. It hurts me because it's true.

"Go call him even if you can never have him." He says bitterly. I pull my fingers to my lips and for the first time burst out crying. I cry so hard that it physically pains him.

I cry so hard because it is so unbelievably true. I fight after Finnick even though I can never have him. Coming from a drunken Blight's lips it wouldn't hurt but coming from the lips of someone that I thought understood me and my messed up life hurts.

It hurts so bad.


	36. He's trying to make you happy Johanna

(Hi I'd really like it if I could get some reviews so know what you're thinking. Thank you)

I run home staggering about in the snow as the tears escaping my eyes cloud my vision. Why am I always hurt so badly? Why am I never set free to be happy?

My knees fall week and buckle under at the pressure sending me to the floor. My body is too limp and distressed to move. I lay there in the snow sobbing violently. I do not wish to move. In fact I couldn't care less if I was to die of over exposure to the cold right here. Who would care? How many people would it crush? Some might mourn for a little while but not for long.

"Johanna's what's happened? Have they ran out of my oranges." A shaky frail voice calls. I almost turn around and hit him but I remind myself that this is only an innocent old man.

I press my face into the snow letting the adrenaline of the cold fill my veins with such delight. Every inch of my face in tingling with sensation but I cannot bring myself to move.

"Jo!" I hear as the pounding footsteps come. It's funny, when I want him to come to the recuse he doesn't come. But when I want to be left alone to see what nature has in store for me, he comes.

"What's happened?" He ask in concern peeling back my face from the snow. I just look into his deep brown eyes and clutch onto the collar of his shirt. "Help me." I whisper softly. Help me. Take me away from all this.

He takes my shaky hands and pulls me to my feet taking me into my house. "He said it Blight! He told me. He told me he had feelings for me." I say in a tight voice as I kick off my boots from my swollen with cold feet.

"I see." He replies with just as gobsmacked.

"What does he want from me Blight? What is there for him to possibly want from me?" I exclaim gripping onto the back of my sofa.

I'm sick of people always wanting something from me. I practically killed his brother and now he says he has feelings for me? Is that just some wicked trick? How could he possibly ever want me after I did that?

"He wants to make you happy Johanna." Blight tells me softly.

Happy? I don't understand why someone I had inflected so much pain upon would want to make someone like me happy.

"The truth is I'm so so sick of not being good enough or loosing every person I've ever loved that I can't even open my heart to fall for that boy. And that's sad." I say really loosing it now as the tears stream down my face.

I can't even let myself like him because I feel as if I'm being strangled my Snow's reins every time I try. I can hear Blight's heart break slightly as the words escape my lips. The idea to him of me never being able to love again hurts him.

"Jo, he doesn't expect you to fall in love with him." Blight whispers to me. But I shake my head in disagreement.

"He does Blight! Because he doesn't know what it's like being a victor. He doesn't know about all the complications as to why I can't love him." I choke out.

"Well then explain to him..." Blight says about to take my hand in comfort but I pull them to my sides.

"You know what he said to me...back there," I'm crying heavily now and I think it's the first time Blight has ever heard me cry so badly. But what Chuck said to me hurt more than anything anyone's ever said to me and I've had many things said. But it hurt because it's true.

"He said 'why're you running away from the guy who makes you happy and

Fighting for the one that makes you cry'." I tell him. Why am I always running back to Finnick even though he hurts me. Even though he cannot love me.

"Because the one that makes you cry happens to the one that knows you better than any of us." Blight says quietly and I can't help think its true.

"But knowing me the best isn't enough. He has Annie and she makes him happy." I whisper. You can here the bitterness on my words as they escape my lips.

"Don't shout at me Johanna but.. Do you feel something for Finnick? Is that why you can't fall for Chuck?" He asks me. In my usual personality I would have thrown the nearest thing at him but I can't help but contemplate with that for a moment.

"No...there's just something about Finnick that I can't let go... He's gone through so much with me but do I love him? No." I breath gripping at the sides of my head.

"Jo, you've got to realise that not everyone is out to get you." He whispers to me pulling me into a hug.

"I'm a victor. Everyone is out to get you." I sigh.


	37. Bottling it

_(Hope you're enjoying my story still, glad to hear that you like the softer side of Johanna, she'll be back to her mean self soon though!)_

I'm walking through the market brushing my fingers along the fine oak tables, when I'm startled by his voice.

"Spending some coins?" He asks me surveying the bag of fruit for Egor in my grasp. He looks ill. I'd underestimated how badly his family were struggling at the moment. It seems as if he has very little money at all.

"They're for Egor. How are you? You look ill?" I observe placing my hand on his forehead to check his fever. But I pull myself away because I know it's not my place anymore. Chuck presses his fingers against mine holding them in place. Neither of us are ones for apologies though because we're both stubborn.

"House is cold that's all." He assures me brushing his lips over my hand then placing it to my side. I hold onto his arm.

"You can always stay at mine..." I remind him softly.

"Hmm that went well last time." He says unsure. His face is pained. Pained because he's frustrated with himself for messing things up. For saying words that hurt me so much.

"You didn't mess anything up it's me.." I assure him gripping onto his arm so he sees sense. He smirks lowering his head so his lips disappear under his jacket.

I won't lie, the way he lowers his head in embarrassment makes my heart pound.

"It's not me it's you. I get it." He smirks. I don't know why he says this like he's heard it a thousand times because surely someone as handsome, hardworking and charming as him wouldn't be knocked back by anyone. Except me and that's only because I have more riding on my back than most girls.

"Actually no. It's both of us!" I laugh. "I'm a clueless bitch who's heads too messed up to love you properly and you..you're." I say stabbing his chest. "Just a nice guy who although he acts tough, deserves better than me." I admit to him.

"That you admitting you like me?" He asks me with his eyebrows raised. I crush my face into his jacket hitting his chest lightly.

"Does it have to be? All I'm saying is that if we didn't live in a world like this then you'd be with me already ." I admit to him but bottling it to say anyone. He tilts my head back brushing his fingers along my cheek.

The the snows hammering down now and all of his face and hair is completely white over. He pulls a longer strand of my hair behind my ear observing my face in full detail.

"I just want to make you happy. So yes that's good enough for me." He tells me softly.

I lean up and wrap my arms around his neck hugging him tightly. He nestles his face in my hair and we stay like that for what seems like forever.

"Come to mine. Warm food, bed?" I offer. He doesn't look like he's had a warm meal in days.

He takes my hand like always leading me through the snow so that I don't trip.

"At least you partly admitted it." He chuckles as I turn the key in the door letting him in. I smile slightly pressing my face into the door.

When we're inside I chop up some veg and beef and throw it all into a pan to make stew.

"You don't have to cook for me." He tells me as I hop onto the counter and he dusts the snow off my feet.

"You need some meat in you." I say firmly giving the stew a good stir. When it's cooked, I tell Jude to go fetch some wine from my cellar.

I serve it up and obviously Chuck's hunger takes over him because I'm only on the third bite when he's done.

"Take the rest home to your family. I've got plenty." I tell him taking a sip from my wine. I despise the fact I have all this money when so many others have so little. I was once one of the poorer families in District 7 so I know exactly what it's like. I know what it's like to feel so hungry you can't sleep.

"I don't like taking handouts." He says. I know what he's implying. To his other friends, I probably look like some rich girlfriend of his that's buying his time. But Chuck isn't like that to me.

"Well think of it as a peace offering then." I sigh taking my plate and sliding it into the sink. I owe his family tonnes of them.

On the way over to sofa, I pick up my glass of wine and place it on the coffee table. Chuck soon joins me and for the next few hours we laugh hysterically at all the Capitol movies.

"I prefer you when your laughing." He smiles as I tuck myself under his arm. It's good to have him back so close to me I won't lie. The last few days have been tortuous. Even if I have been mad.

"Why?" I ask tilting my head back so I can see him more clearly. His deep auburn eyes are staring intently into my eyes. I suddenly feel as of this man can see straight threw me. That he can see behind the vicious cover up I portray. That he can see the weak girl who was raised on next to nothing.

"Because I know I'm at least doing something right. I'm making you feel at ease." He breaths.

I can feel his breath on my damp lips now. It doesn't taste like Finnick Odair's when his lips are just centre meters apart from my own. This tastes good. It tastes like home. Like he's been chewing pine needles. It makes me long for more.

"You always make me feel at ease, more than most." I whisper. Even more than Finnick ever does because when I'm with him I always feel guilty about Annie or that I'm just his substitute. But with Chuck... I can't help feel like he truly wants me.

He leans in softly brushing his lips along my own and this time I kiss back properly. I kiss him back with all the feeling he deserves. He pulls me onto his knee and I wrap my legs around his muscular body. His warm lips move to my neck as I pull my fingers through his hair.

"I'm sick of not living in the moment..." I pant just as his lips part from my neck and go to kiss my lips again. "I don't care what happens tomorrow. I want you tonight." I whisper locking my hands around his neck and kissing him deeply.

I no longer care about what the morning brings because in this world you have to live in the moment itself. His hand pulls to my cardigan pulling it off my shoulders. I do not stop him because I'm yearning for more. I unbutton his shirt as he pulls my t shirt over my head and just as the last piece of clothing falls from our bodies he pulls me closer to him.

The heat is sensational and I've never felt so ravenous for this closeness before. Still kissing my bare shoulder blade, Chuck carries me up to my bed laying me down on the soft ivory sheets.

He plants himself on top of me and whispers in my ear: "Do you want this closeness or do you want me?" I can hear the doubt on his lips so I go in to peck them before I reply.

"Is it enough to just be ok for tonight?" I breath trailing my fingertips down his bare back. I wanted to say more but Snow on my shoulder wouldn't allow me.

Chuck peacefully climbs off of my body and slots himself down by my side. "What's wrong?" I whisper as he pulls me into his arms and places his lips on my forehead.

"Johanna, I can't take advantage of you when your hearts not in it." He breaths to me. My eyes become watery as I expect him to leave me here. Leave me here like Finnick does when we've gone as far as our conditions stand. Leave me feeling used.

"Don't leave me." I whisper pressing my face into his bare chest. He tightens him grip around me stroking back my hair. I haven't let anyone touch my hair in so long but it feels so good so I do not pull away.

"I'm not going anywhere. But we'll just lay here. Nothing more." He whispers. I pull my hand from his grasp trailing it along his abs.

"You're too good to me." I whisper just before we both fall asleep.


	38. Bumblebees

Chuck enters the house chirpily surprising me completely.

"Oh hey. Didn't think you'd be here until tonight." I call from the kitchen as I put the milk into my cereal bowl.

"Hey babe, thought I'd pop by before work." He calls as he pulls off his workers boots. I come out the kitchen and join him in the living room.

He pulls me into a hug leaning down and kissing my lips. Pleased that he dropped by before work, I toe him over to the sofa where he begins telling me about the old lady who bought a beat up old rocking chair. I nod enthusiastically at his story, nodding and agreeing in all the right places.

I'm just about to start eating my bowl of granola, when the phone rings. I jump up and run to the phone before it stops.

"Hello?" I say sitting back down on Chuck's knee.

"Hey Jo, it's me." Finnick says chirpily. I use my free hand to stroke Chuck's chest in a silent plea for him not to get mad.

"Hey Finn. How're you?" I ask still studying Chuck's face in great detail.

"Good. Jo have you heard about this new honey made by 'bumblebees' it's so good." He says.

Right. This is no small talk. This is about a certain bumblebee. This is about Plutarch Heavensbee. He is asking if I've heard from him.

"No I haven't." I reply.

"Oh. Well it's been promoted to the best honey in the hive." He drifts off. Best honey in the hive? I'm still sat in complete confusion when something suddenly triggers in my mind. Plutarch has been promoted to Head Games Maker. Apparently Finnick's just as good as Fulvia at this code talking.

"Really? You'll never guess what Silver told 've had to hire a 'crane' to build lights for the games next year. Is that true?" I ask him. That probably makes no sense but hopefully he registers that I'm meaning Seneca Crane. What have they possibly done to this man? I'm sure he'll be in trouble for the stunt that Miss Everdeen played but demoting him?

"Not true. They've got rid of the Crane." He says and there's this slight humour behind his words. Got rid of him? Does that mean they've forced him to an early retirement or that they've killed him?

"Really?" I ask.

"Hmm. I've bought a new wardrobe to hang my clothes in. Think you'd like the wood." He says drawing at the word 'Hang'.

Could that even be possible? Does he really mean that Seneca Crane has been hung?

"You're kidding?" I breathe.

"We don't particularly need it but its definitely going to BENEFIT us." He chuckles. It sure is. It's going to benefit this whole rebellion. What an interesting games this next one is going to be if we have a rebel making it.

"Right. Have you heard anything from the Capitol recently?" I ask him. I haven't been informed once since I left the Capitol and it is really starting to aggravate me.

"Afraid not. Sure we will do soon. Later Mason." He says just as Chuck begins kissing my bare arm in boredom.

"Take care Odair." I say with a laugh putting down the phone and turning my attention to the boy who's lips are trailing down my goose-bumped skin.

I pull my hand through his hair making him look up at me. I kiss his hairline then jump off his knee and towards the kitchen.

"You fancy a coffee?" I ask Chuck as I pop my head around the corner. He gives me an apologetic look as his eyes fall back from me to his watch.

"It's fine. I'll walk with you, I'll check on Egor on the way back." I assure him grabbing my jacket off the hook and putting on my snow boots.

I take his hand as we emerge out into the cold air. You think we'd get a break from all the snow at some point but we never do. Even when the snow does clear it soon comes back and hits us in the face after a little while.

I'm surprised by the emptiness of the market to be honest. The textiles store is almost completely bare except for the stuff he makes himself. "No money?" I ask him as we past. He gives me a shake of his head telling me I'm wrong.

"Don't know Dear. We've had no material in for weeks. Something dodgy going on in 8 ma love." He says going back to his work.

How odd. Why would there be shortage of material? 8 are a hardworking District from what I'm aware of.

"See you later." Chuck says unaware that I am lost in thought.

"Bye." I say as he kisses my forehead.

I walk slowly through the market probably being the most inconvenient person ever. Women with babies in prams dodge past me as I walk into thin air unaware of my surroundings.

Egor looks relatively dead when I enter the house.

"Wake up!" I scream irritably as he screams and shouts in his sleep. He brings himself conscious pretending that he hadn't even been asleep.

"Lorraine?" He says croakily.

To be honest I have no idea who half the people he blabbers onto me are but it's easier to just go along with it so I nod.

"How're you?" I ask him with as much concern as I can master. If anything this man is a burden to Blight and I, since if it wasn't to him we'd get away with drowning ourselves in a bottle for the year.

He's talking to me about the magpie he saw perched on his window this morning but I am still in complete oblivion about Finnick and I's have killed Seneca Crane. They have subconsciously awarded this prestigious role to a man who is no more Capitol loving than you or I. They have been outsmarted by the bumblebee himself. He now rules this hive.


	39. Please don't make me tell you

**A/N: Hi sorry the update has been slow, I'm having such a busy time! Hope you like this chapter! Please review I'd love to hear your opinions on Blight's strong views on Chuck and Johanna's relationship **

I love nights like this, huddled on the sofa by the fire. My floppy head rests in his muscular chest as I trail my fingertips up his abs. The question still puzzles me to this day. How was this man not taken already. How come girls hadn't fallen at his feet before he began mixing with me.

"How many girls have you been with?" I ask him sitting up and taking a sip from my glass of sparkling wine. Probably not the most weather appropriate drink but you can't beat the feelings of liquor seeping down your throat.

"A couple." He says absentmindedly pulling his fingers through my ragged hair.

"Who?" I perk up in curiosity.

"All sorts of different girls. I dated the milkman's daughter for a little. She wasn't much of a catch. Then I went with a girl who'd been around the block too many times for my liking." He says with a smirk on his lips laughing at the memory. I butt in before I hear anymore.

"And then me?"

"No. They classed me as their 'boyfriends' you never have. So no I've only ever been with 2." He grins raising his shoulders.

"Ha ha. Just because I haven't stamped a frigging badge on your chest doesn't mean you're not mine." I retort pulling my face close to his so I can taste his breath on my lips.

"But if I'm not your boyfriend are you saying that its an open relationship?" He chuckles mischievously running his fingertip up my back. I let out a laugh throwing my head back. He likes this. Winding me up.

"No. No I wouldn't be happy if I saw you making out with someone behind the sheds." I laugh.

"And why's that?" He whispers holding my two hands and pulling me forward so my face rests inches from his own.

"Because you have me for that." I whisper seductively pulling back teasingly. Looking him up and down and biting my lip, I pull away tauntingly taking a sip of my wine.

"And how about you Miss Mason? Who've you been with?" He asks as I trail my lips around the glass. Still facing away from him, I reply.

"The two you know about and one other but that was one serious drunken mistake." I cringe.

Sprinkled with glitter and bronzer than the foundation on some of the Capitol freaks, I picture that drunken fools lips trailing down my neck that night.

"Who?" He asks.

"I'm not even saying because its sick." I shudder blocking the image by pressing my fingertips at my eyelids.

"I can take it." He whispers in my ear.

"Gloss Cassiterite."

"Hmm not quite what I thought you'd go for." He smirks.

"You're not mad?" I ask.

"Well I wasn't classing the girls I've made out with drunk but we can do that." He smirks but I crush my lips to his shutting him up. We're both laughing too hard to kiss for much longer though so his lips are replaced by his arms around me.

"What the hell had you been drinking to do that?" He chuckles as he strokes the longer bit of my hair away from my eyes.

"I have no clue but I couldn't remember a thing and I threw up on Silver." I cringe remembering what Finnick had told me and the breakfast where they gave me that deadly silent treatment.

"Silver meaning lavender dyed skin stuck up escort Silver?" He asks me with a grin. I slap his arm in frustration.

"She's not like that. You don't know her." I disagree. He doesn't disagree because he knows how much I care for this woman.

"If you like her then ok." He smiles kissing my upper lip.

"I do." I smile leaning in and deepening our kiss.

I push him onto his back and kiss him with more passion. I ravish every second and adore every ounce of closeness.

A giggle escapes my lips as he holds my hips in a ticklish way. I'm just trailing my lips down his neck when I hear my door fall open.

"Doesn't take you long to worm your way in does it." A drunken Blight exclaims. His voice is rough and ragged.

"Heard of knocking?!" I spit back at him bouncing onto my feet. How dare he? How dare he come in here and criticise Chuck when he's the drunken idiot he is?

"Didn't think you'd have this kind of company Jo. From what you said a couple of weeks ago I thought you weren't quite over the last!" He shouts flinging his arms about in the air.

"The last? You mean Jack Greene? The boy who was killed and you blatantly let me grieve alone! So don't you dare blame me for being selfish!" I scream at him.

"I'm just saying Johanna, that you can't be hurting that bad." He snarls turning on his heels.

"Don't walk away from me." I shout at him. Chuck is holding my arm telling me to leave it but I'm so mad. How he could he even say that I am not hurting bad? How could he possibly think that? There's not a day that goes by when I don't think of that boy. That I don't ache in pain.

"Why sweetheart? Because I'm right? At least with Finnick, he knows who he's kissing. Bet he doesn't even know a thing about you?" He says in this patronising tone that hurts more than anything.

"He knows me! He knows enough!" I scream.

I look at Blight with pleading eyes. Please don't tell Chuck want I did. Please don't make him think of me as a filthy prostitute who let her family die.

"Does he know why you have no family Johanna?" He asks bitterly.

"Please." I beg from him. "Please Blight don't." I whisper.

"Oh be happy Johanna. But don't come crying to me when it goes wrong." He says turning on my heels.

"What like if he dies?" I demand from him. He turns to looks at me. "Well I wouldn't come anyway because you don't care!"

"I care Johanna. I care." He says stumbling back out my door leaving me with a confused man staring down at me.

His mind must be flooded with a million and one questions. "Please don't make me tell you." I whisper a tear dropping from my eye. He blots it with the tip of his thumb.

"I won't." He whispers. "I won't." He lifts me up and I snuggle my face into his chest.

"I'm sorry." I whisper as he presses his lips to my forehead. He kisses my lips softly then replies: "you don't ever have to be sorry."


End file.
